


Isolated: A Star Wars Story

by writtenmusings



Category: Obidala - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Canon Rewrite, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flashbacks, Force Bond (Star Wars), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Naboo Culture and Customs (Star Wars), Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Obidala, Padmé Amidala Lives, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Rebellion, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Tatooine Slave Culture, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 75,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenmusings/pseuds/writtenmusings
Summary: “… Everything I did after Mustafar was for you, to make sure you still live the best possible life, even if it is a second chance!” Obi-Wan reasoned with the hopeless woman in front of him, drained from any desire to live another day.Her funeral was a stunt. No one knows she’s alive except a green Jedi Master, a couple Senators, and Master Kenobi – a universe in which Padmé Amidala survives and goes into exile on Tatooine with Obi-Wan Kenobi and they are forced to coexist with each other despite their loved one falling to the Dark Side and their particularly interesting past that’s better left unsaid. Who knew that sharing the same bed in a small hut would lead them to the relationship they refused to explore years ago and perhaps… a role in the dawn of the rebellion? Being together wasn’t always the Force’s plan… Or was it?(This fic intends to stay canon with a little twist!)
Relationships: Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 148
Kudos: 193





	1. Preface

[Click here to see book cover](https://i.imgur.com/02C69r6.jpg)

✦✦✦

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

The treacherous Empire now reigns in the bruised galaxy; the dark side of the force seemingly saturating the depths of every system as Sidious and his apprentice Darth Vader snatch every piece of territory in their grasps.

Stormtroopers, the former clones, enact the law of the land, tarnishing and destroying every single scrap of evidence in terms of the Jedi Order and the Old Republic's existence itself, tearing people from their homes, murdering those who could use the force for the sake of the struggling light.

Rumors spread of a weapon far greater than any being could possibly imagine - something with the power to destroy a world itself.

Senators Bail Organa and Mon Mothma secretly gather the rest of the former Loyalists together to maintain whatever hope remains. These supposed REBELS gather, all of those that are willing to risk their lives in the memories of their beloved Senator and Jedi that gave their lives for peace and tranquility, for the sake of generations to come, for the Old Republic, and the goodness of the Force itself.

And some of that hope flutters with the dusty sands of the howling winds of Tatooine, a broken Senator presumed dead and a guilty Jedi Master that both lost everything, yet they are the only keys to Anakin Skywalker himself, broken pieces that seem as if they will never come back together.

Yet the force has plans, plans one could not even possibly fathom....

✦✦✦


	2. One ✦

She hated him, despite the fact that the darkness was winning, consuming everything in its path – the darkness that took her husband from her heart, shattering it into pieces that would take such a long duration to place together; the darkness that snatched her two beloved children from her arms, never to see the precious pair of brown and blue eyes, _his_ eyes again; the darkness that crept and demolished the democracy she fought so relentlessly to uphold; the darkness that charred the remaining sense of peace in the galaxy, everything that defined the dear Senator's heart was gone, disappearing with the smile that faded from her face when she fell unconscious, leaving the Jedi Knight with the wailing child in his arms, the man who took them away, the dear friend that killed her husband on the raging pits of Mustafar.

No, she loathed him.

Padmé Amidala had never had these intense emotions nestle themselves in what remained of her heart, and they only simmered as time passed, when she woke to find her children gone – Obi Wan Kenobi disappearing for a day only to return with guilt that sulked into his sub-consciousness, the bulging brown daggers seeping into his back, the eyes that never released any tears.

And the man had never felt so remorseful of himself, so much so, that he felt as if the Force would damn him into some irrevocable hell, the same reality that his former Padawan endured in the throttling pits of Mustafar – but he only thought himself to withstand pain that simmered hotter than a thousand stars, because it seemed that all of this was his fault. Yet that did not seem to be enough, because the eyes that once smiled at him were only full of anguish, the pain that only eroded his heart even more, because he could _feel_ her pain, and it was something that was entirely inexplicable.

A defeated Alderaanian senator and green Jedi Master agreed to separate her children for the sake of the future of the Force – and he also knew, the moment he held both newborns in his arms, one resembling the mother, the other resembling the father, that the Force was calling to them, that it would only be a matter of time, that they were the future to bringing peace to the galaxy.

How, one might ask? He did not know, and only that this thought grazed his mind before he delivered the child to his uncle, only knowing what would happen in his life next.

But even his future was muddled when he gazed out of the window of his spacecraft, his little green friend, Bail Organa, and Mon Mothma standing on the side of the hangar with solemn faces, knowing what must be done for the sake of survival, for their passions of freedom and prosperity to live on for the future generations. But he couldn't tell her, he so desperately wished that he could, yet it would only make everything so much worse.

If that was even possible.

The pain etched into their facial features as they lifted their arms to bid their final farewell, only forcing the auburn haired Master to flip the power switches to ignite the ship to life, all of the controls shimmering and glowing around him – but it was just him up here, his friends watching him leave for the last time, while she did not dare show her face.

She had no absolute reason to. The former queen of Naboo secluded herself in the cockpit, locking the door as she sat in the cold depths of space, horrified, angered, confused at the fact that every aspect of her, all of her passions, the memories, everything that defined her life, that was engraved into her very soul was stripped from her, the remnants resembling something almost completely unrecognizable, and she wondered then why she did not die when they all presumed her to be lifeless.

Only the Force cursed her to live another day.

Leaving the rock world of Polis Massa, the skilled pilot steered around the rocks, watching all of the controls and the flying objects around them on his own, not having little droids or captains assist him. The man wanted to be isolated, yet he had never felt so alone in his life.

He veered left and right, only to have a giant asteroid suddenly pop up in front of him, the Force suggestively warning him of the surroundings to the vastness of space, only to sharply back to the left at a right angle, a manner in which the golden protocol droid's fussy shouts would follow in pursuit as the blue astromech would stammer panicked beeps while both of them would crash into the wall with a metallic thud which one would get an annoying headache from all of the ruckus, but the silence was louder than any other droid that could be shouting seemingly impossible statistics whilst arguing with the other metal counterpart in a series of sassy beeps.

They were not here.

His hands tightly griped the steers, the soreness ripping his muscles as he intently concentrated on the imaginary routes in front of him, darting side to side as sweat began to drip from his brow.

And after several rounds of twists and turns later, there were only stars that decorated the space in front of him, which he revved the hyperdrive to enter the dimension of hyperspace, the streams of light streaming in front of him as the ship hummed, leaving him in a deathly silence.

And for the first time in what seemed like a millennia, Obi Wan Kenobi sat, realizing how sore he truly was, the bandages around his legs and arms tensing around his ligaments, almost as if they were telling him that the wounds of the final battle would heal, but the pain would remain for a long time, something that he did not even know would ever heal.

The woman laid in the small bed in the back of the ship, staring at the ceiling above her, her hands on her still swollen belly that throbbed with the even beats of her heart, her throat still seemingly sore, so much that she had not spoken a word since she was previously conscious, when she said there was still good in him, when she thought that Obi Wan Kenobi would be the last thing she saw in this universe, but the woke to physical and emotional pain, so intense that she could not bear to breathe when she had realized what happened, screaming the children's names when they were then several parsecs away, and she somehow knew it.

She only screamed her children's and husband's names in her sleep.

Both souls were in different rooms of the ship, yet they still felt all of the pain, all of the anguish that swam within them, as if their minds shared their thoughts. But they built walls, so tall that no one could breach them, except each other.

They sat there for a long time – deep in their thoughts, too anxious and exhausted to sleep because they both acknowledged the fact that the nightmares would haunt them once more, something their sanities could not bear. Both looked at the door, wondering what it would be like to walk in and comfort the other, but that action and thought itself was entirely out of the question, because they both felt as if they did not even deserve to be in each other's presence.

As the hours ticked into just over a day, the ship’s humming abruptly stopped, taking them to the correct coordinates that the Master entered. As the sore hands grasped the controls again, the dusty outer-rim planet came into view, just as it did so many years ago, the two binary stars brilliantly scorched the reflective sands that blanketed the entire planet itself as the three meager moons protectively guarded it – Tatooine.

But the man decided to merge into the shadows, hidden in the vast darkness of the night sky upon entering the dry atmosphere, not wanting to be spotted. But he was thankful, thankful that he had calculated and planned their departure upon arriving in their night, which the dark rocks of the Jundland Wastes almost camouflaged themselves with the sky, only for the speckles of stars to hint their presence.

Descending from the darkness, the small ship landed with a slight and subtle thud, in which he thanked the Force for their save arrival on the desolate planet, but also slightly quivered at the thought of informing the former senator of their location, for he had not informed her of such things for the sake of her compliance, something that seemed rather questionable until Master Yoda somehow convinced her.

How? He did not know.

Hesitantly moving his sore legs, he paced towards the back, sliding the door with the swiftness of his fingers to reveal the paled woman sitting at the side of the makeshift bed, her face drained and emotionless as the brown eyes managed to find the treacherous blue oceans beaming in his very own and all of a sudden they both felt as if they were back in the space yacht on the salt lands, whilst the wind whistled around them, two young people that only understood the innocence of the light.

The light that was no more.

The man cleared his sore throat, "We have arrived," he paused before continuing, "milady," the word that signified her formality slid off of his tongue, something she always chastised him for even using in the past, but it did not even pertain to her anymore, because she was merely nothing in this galaxy now, only a broken woman.

But she saw the brokenness in him too. She looked up at him again, no words escaping her lips, but she felt the agony in his heart, but also saw it too, the confident stature of someone so powerful now flailed whilst dark crescents shadowed beneath his azure eyes, the strawberry blonde hair disheveled as the man had allowed his beard to grow unevenly. He was a mess. Yet she found herself wondering why she would even be concerned for the man that took everything away from her, allowing the anger to consume her, something, he too, felt.

She brushed past him, walking towards the front of the darkened ship to gaze out the blackened windows, only there was nothing to see, merely due to the fact that it was too dark to take note of the landscape.

Obi Wan thanked the Force once again for prolonging her realization, but soon acknowledged the given the matter in which she would only find out in just several seconds – he had deceived her again.

The woman lifted the hood of her dark cloak over her slick updo, as it shadowed her emotionless, resembling the wretched Sith Lord from the holograms, sending a shiver down the Jedi's spine, not because of the bitter cold air around him.

She knew something was not right the moment he opened the platform, to walk down the slope of the planet, only to have the chilly dry air graze her hollowed cheeks, the characteristics that completely contrasted the warm and humid aromatic winds of Naboo, that would have brought the endearing fragrances of the fresh bloomed flowers and the waterfalls gurgling near the wineries in the distance, all of it so full of life, while the desolation slapped her in the face.

"This is not home," her voice stern and monotone blew with the evening winds, resembling the composure she bore as the Queen of Naboo.

Obi Wan lifted his robes over his head, standing next to her as her eyes scanned the black rocks around the ship, the stars decorating the sky, the dust whistling in the distance, "This is your home now."

_He took the only thing I hold dear from my heart away from me too._ Her thoughts scream and shout within her consciousness as she then realized that she would never walk through the vivacious green gardens of Varykino, the reflection of her sun on the lakes and waterfalls that splashed, watch the people walk about the bustles of Theed as the flowers budded along the green vines of the walls, the smiles, the joy, the arts, the exquisite beauty of such a quaint planet's efflorescence possessing a special place in her heart, only that it was snatched from her too.

"Nothing belongs to me now," she responded, the coldness of her voice even more frigid than that of the air around them. She walked forward before he could even process what had just occurred, guilt consuming him.

Noticing how far he was from the specified location, he noted the position the ship being out in the open, realizing he'd have to move it within the next twenty four hours or so, to prevent their discovery or having it stolen.

Padmé Amidala waited for him to finish the necessary tasks before walking towards her silhouette that gazed at the lifeless soil, passing her and beginning the trek over to the dwelling. It was too late for her to do anything other than abiding by his plans – for her green friend told her why she must be here.

_Plans, the force has, for you and Master Kenobi._

Obi Wan Kenobi noted the brief conversation with his green friend, wondering why she could not join him on the swampy planet of Dagobah, all of the anger, guilt, and confusion that undeniably churned between both of them – yet the ancient master almost smiled at him.

_Anger, fear, hate empower the dark side. Useful to the force she has been, is, and will be, just as you._

His words echoed in their thoughts as they climbed over scores of rocks overlooking escarpments, cliffs that rimmed other features that surprisingly adorned the planet.

The walk took longer than he had presumed, quickly transitioning to an arduous hike for the exhausted souls as the elevation and questionable paths directed them towards the mountains in front of them. What seemed like hours of silence and trudging soon passed, the exhaustion prevalent with every exerted breath that escaped their worn lungs, their aching muscles draining after every short climb. For both the former senator and master were still healing from their physical wounds, and solely relied on the Force to give them strength, well the Master shared it with her, even when she did not directly feel it, that was until her weighted legs tripped over a rock, when his arms instinctively found her torso as he held her, their faces inches apart and their choppy breaths steaming their frosted cheeks, brushing their hairs to the sides of their faces.

Only she did not look into his eyes, no, she merely searched, searched in desperation at the expansive bands of the galaxy before her eyes, perilously searching for the beloved Chommell sector of the mid-rim to find her star glimmering in the distant, something so dear and cherished in her heart so severely out of her reach.

Placing her on her feet, she nodded her head as he passed her again, leading her towards the towering features only that there was a gash in the escarpments, as if someone had ripped the planet into two, surrounded by the protective rocks and dunes of endless sand.

_He hated sand._ She thought.

After more arduous steps and climbs, the sky had begun to lighten, hints of pink and purple tinting of what remained the dark landscape whilst their feet trickled through the gradients and rocks to bear a cliff at the edge of what appeared to be a gorge, an extensive overlook to the sands that swirled with the winds that had died down – early hints of a hot day becoming known.

The woman watched the unsuppressed features of the dry planet while the Master paused his pace, noticing the rocks that blocked what appeared to be the ‘cave’ his dear friend informed him about, slipping a peak between the cracks of the rocks to find anything inside only that there was darkness.

Closing his eyes and taking three deep breaths, he connected with the spirit of the galaxy allowing its peaceful energy to fill his exhausted body as it greeted him with warmth, warmth that gave him the strength to rile within him. Lifting his hands the woman realized what the man was about to do as the ground under her subtly trembled. Large boulders drifted in the air, into the opening of the canyon as they softly landed, one-by-one until the façade of a cave home was revealed still camouflaged with the rocks themselves.

She had never seen a Jedi move such things so peacefully.

Exhausted the man slightly moved his fingers to slide the metal door to the interior of the hut-like home, lights illuminating with the swift flick of his fingers while the woman followed.

Grabbing the lightsaber on his belt, he realized that he had two, side-by-side, and his heart suddenly sunk with the realization as he checked the home, dusty from its lack of use.

But the woman almost disregarded him as she swiftly passed him, her cloak dancing with her as she found the bedroom and slid the door shut behind her, not to reveal her face for a long duration of time.

Both of them sat once again – separate from each other as they sulked in their own pain while the suns of their first simmering day rose from their slumber, the angled lights illuminating the orange rocks of the house to illuminate a pinkish color. But they felt each other and that was entirely unbearable.

But then it hit her like a herd of banthas – the last time she roamed the planet was with _him_ , when she saw who he truly was, but decided to ignore it for the sake of herself.

And it hit him likewise, for the last time he was here he had the child in his arms, _her_ child to deliver him to safety the safety in which he vowed himself to protect. But something even bigger dawned to him; for he did not associate this dusty and barren planet with the man that brought so much darkness into his life, no, he associated this wasteland with the woman that changed his life – _her._

Then suddenly memories dating back to thirteen long years found them again, when a monopoly invaded a beautiful planet, when two Jedi and the Queen narrowly escaped their grasps, when two innocent hearts saw the light and optimism this this universe in the midst of so much darkness, even when the Force led them to such a desolate place. For this instance of darkness and upheaval shed so much radiating light – an older Padawan and a young queen – on the whistling, dusty, desolate sands that scorched the surrounding surface that found something so alive.

Tatooine.

✦✦✦


	3. Two ✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Stay safe & healthy.
> 
> Have a great weekend! 
> 
> \- A

✦✦✦

Weeks had brushed past them, just like the sand that lodged itself against any exposed crack of the little hut that was hidden in the crevices of the bends and mountainous features that bordered the never ending oceans of sands. The currents and waves of the dunes almost completely stagnant as the two binary suns scorched the ground below, another brutal day to come.

She had not left her room the first three weeks that they resided there, only when he was sleeping would she ascend from the burials of the night, snagging a piece of wilted fruit before she locked herself away yet again. He slept in the basement, not wanting her to know that there was not another bed in the home, only the one she slept in. Even the thought of them possibly sharing a bed made him internally cringe from awkwardness, but also guilt.

Sleeping in the same bed of his former Padawan’s wife? Even after he basically killed the man he once was?

He would venture out to the cascades of the desert, leaving a piece of flatbread and a savory pally for her to consume during his journey away. But she would almost always leave it untouched until his return from the scorched sandy dunes. During these excursions, he hid the ship in a cave several kilometers away, stowing valuable items from the inside which they could utilize until simple commodities would be necessary, and even then Obi Wan Kenobi could not buy time, not even with the power of the Force itself. 

He felt weary leaving her tucked in their subdued little hut, yet also relieved when he ventured far enough because he could not directly feel the pain that constantly lingered within her Force signature, the living transparency that had somehow intensified over the past year, almost as if she portrayed some connection with the Force, but he pushed that possibility aside once the guilt of leaving her returned to him. 

It was merely like a routine – only the burdens would only overcome the objects he had packed in the ship just before they left Polis Massa as he carried them miles and miles through the rocks.

He did this every day until the Nubian ship was basically empty.

But _this_ journey was different – for the pilgrimage to Mos Eisley and back would take him days. The walk there would take a longer duration of time than the hours he would spend through the markets and junk shops and the trip back to the quaint hut combined. He needed a speeder and fast.

And the sand whistled past his robes as the simmering suns thankfully baked his robes instead of his skin, the copper tinted hair almost soaked with sweat as he lost what little water he had in his system and the little energy from the amount of food that they had – what he mostly saved for her.

The journey seemed endless as he observed the evolution of the dusk sky into the brushed strokes of the sunrise, followed by the onsets of yet another hot day, only it seemed hotter now than it did just over thirteen years ago, especially as the noon suns were just over his covered head. As the suns bid their farewell and the lands fell into a slumber, the man soon realized that he needed shelter, the cracking rocks trembling as the cool evening air grazed the simmering, hard surfaces.

As the planet fell into a slumber, the former Senator ascended from the darkness once more.

The shadows of the Jawas scampered across the silvery dunes in the distance, for the moons reflected their brilliance on the grainy mounts, contrasting against the darkness of the night sky that was brimming with the stars of the entire galaxy, the galaxy that seemed so peaceful from afar, the galaxy that was enveloped with the relentless upbringings of fascist chaos.

He did not want to know what was of the rest of the universe.

Nor did she.

But he did not avoid the lack of information the next day when he arose again to finally arrive to the distant epicenter of the planet’s civilizations – Mos Eisley. For even a secluded planet on the outer-rim of the galaxy was still informed and full of information on the upbringings of the fallen Republic that now seemed to be no more.

Obi-Wan ignored it as much as he could, for he hid himself under the shadows of his cloaks as all of the beings and people passed him, only speaking when bartering or making a deal with the store-tenders, only to find the landspeeder he was looking for right outside of town after a long day of searching. Pushing people aside, he approached the Jawas that searched around, finding anything that they could to snag.

Only he muttered a few words, using the Force to gather the best deals he possibly could as the clever creatures attempted to deal with him, only that the Jedi Master was even more intelligent, somehow purchasing the landspeeder for only 1,000 credits as onlookers gazed at him with astonishment while he tossed the other food items and purchased belongings in the passenger seat. He hopped in the vehicle only to find the same cave an hour later, wrapping a wool-knit blanket around himself as he slept in the seat, telling himself that tomorrow would be the last day he would be in desolate desert town, that he would have to return, that the woman would be there.

Padmé.

She had not moved much in the slightest, only writing in the empty books that bore parchments in which she poured out her heart with every single word, only that no one would ever come to understand what treachery remained in her heart as the language of the Naboo stared back at her – almost as if it was mocking her very soul, shunning her from what used to be hers, and suddenly it dawned to her after finishing yet another book full of memories, stories, childhood, home, and pain that writing these things would not even matter, for the book would remain shut, just like the gates of her heart, only they were locked, never to be intruded unless something forced their way in.

But he did not know this. He did not feel her.

Yet she did not know his pain either – the dreams that caused him to nearly weep in the cave almost twenty miles away from the barren city, the memories of the trashing lava and the former apprentice burning into flames as the raw and guttural screams escaped his lungs, the chilling laugh of the hooded man, the Sith Lord he had been searching for all along gawking at him, fear slithering down his spine like a clever snake, his Master slain by the enraged Dathomirian, the last traces of hope in his eyes about the boy, the boy he vowed to train, boy that was supposed to be the Chosen One.

He failed him.

_Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering._

As the suns rose for just another day to arrive, the pain was more intense than ever, almost as if it was severing his bond with the Force. It angered him more than ever that such a living, spiritual thing would let him endure so much pain, the same pain the woman felt so many kilometers away.

As he paced the streets once again, all of the rugged inhabitants observed him, with curiosity engraved in their vast diverse features of their faces, whispers in Huttese and Galactic Basic alike as the shadowed figure passed the makeshift tables bearing store fronts that bordered the adobe-like buildings that shielded the twin suns from the inside. Hordes of people passed him until a Cantina caught his eye, tempting him to seek refuge from the heat and have a drink. He internally obliged until the Basic words echoed from the outside, the words of the Coruscanti holonet ringing in his ears.

Before he knew it, his feet guided him there before the man could even question himself, his feet slipping through the throngs of sentient beings as they glided on the dusty streets towards the music and the words from the darkened club on the inside. It brimmed with thugs, questionables, and natives alike, all of them escaping from something, whether it was from the suns or something far greater.

But the words of the hologram-like projection did not astound him, no; it was the portrayal of the black masked figure before him that almost made him fall to the ground – the words _Vader_ repeated over and over, almost like it was meant to torture the already shattered man.

He did not kill him.

He was alive.

Obi Wan Kenobi did not know whether he was even more broken beyond repair or relieved. Regardless, Obi-Wan was even angrier at himself for leaving him there. It was almost like a small part of him believed in him; just a sliver of his heart wanted him to be alive, to give him a second chance whilst the rest of the empty space was raging in anger.

By then, a shot of Abrax was in his hand, the tempting, clear turquoise glowing from the dimmed lights of the interior of his numbed fingers as the face of his charred apprentice constantly glared at him in his consciousness. 

_I hate you._

The spicy, aquamarine liquor burned his throat as he tilted his head back, hoping it would wash everything away, but even alcohol could not solve his problems. No matter how drunk he wanted to get, no matter how far intoxication would let him drift , the last time such a thing occurred, someone stopped him from making a fool of himself, only he was embarrassed all those years ago, that someone would see him stoop so low.

And then he remembered. He remembered the green Jedi master’s words, the words of the person that pulled the tenth shot out of his hands just a couple years ago, the words he told his apprentice, the words he told himself.

_You have made a commitment to the Jedi order, a commitment not easily broken._

The man abandoned the imprudent possibilities that were specifically perched as bottles on the worn shelves against the walls, the blinding lights of the suns forcing him to shade his face in the act of shrouding his head again, searching for his landspeeder once more before he made yet another tactful deal with an idiotic salesman, using his powers to somehow purchase tattered vaporators he knew he could fix in a matter of weeks so he could have an efficient moisture farm.

With that successful and uneasy trip to the city, he knew it would only take hours out of the day to travel and visit with the vehicle he possessed, that their supplies were no longer dwindling, that they would soon have fresh water to use for consumption and a decent shower – soon.

But the thoughts of Anakin, no – the man, being alive plagued him while he sped through the endless pits of the desert, the suns beating on his back as the winds picked up their speed throughout the afternoon as the woman still slept her sorrows away, only that they followed her in her dreams, the man she once loved haunting her, choking her in her sleep, as her screams went unheard in the fruitless extents of the landscape.

Sidious still led the Galactic Empire, Darth Vader was loyal and followed every ferocious command. For the clones no longer existed. They were Stormtroopers, programmed to turn against the Republic. From the very beginning, they were never loyal to the democracy – only the Emperor himself, thundering through the depths of the galaxy with fear, anger, hatred.

“God damn it! Why the hell did we not listen to Fives?” Obi-Wan shouted into the void as he drove closer to home, remaining one with the single tear that fell upon his sandy, sunburned cheek.

What drove the universe to such a desolate state?

Both of them had this question, a question they felt would remain unanswered.

The mountainous gorge peaked over the grainy knolls, the pink-like rocks glowing against the descending sun as another day was coming to a vast close.

He soon parked the vehicle at the cliff that overlooked the parched desert in the distance, moving the rocks from the bottom of the canyon to conceal it from the perspective of the dunes, while the wind gathered the dust in the distance, and that was when the haze became more visible, growing and growing as every second passed.

And the man darted into the house with all of the objects in a matter of several trips, locking all of the possible doors, hinges, windows he deemed possible, leaving him to an almost darkened home.

He almost felt alone, but he soon realized who was just several paces down the small hall way.

All was silent, save the whistles of the wind that brushed against the nestled rocks that hugged the quaint hut, the seclusion and vast emptiness of the Jundland Wastes surrounding them, making the two people feel like they were the only ones in the universe even when they were in the same enclosure – so close but so far away.

The sandstorm was still a significant ways away as the man noticed an adobe staircase almost between the walls of the kitchen and the hallway. And his exhausted legs somehow guided him up the score of steps that winded around the clay and rocks that bounded the home, only revealing a cascade of orange rocks that overlooked the entirety of the landscape that surrounded their quarters, the boulders and mountains almost hugging it as the pink mirage of the sunset bestowed upon him, as empty pottery blended with the natural features remained tossed on the ground. Sharp grains of sand slightly prickled his skin as the ginormous cloud of sand veiled the rest of the suns that were descending into darkness, an astonishing sight it would be from such an angle.

He almost felt as if he was on top of the world.

For just a moment, Obi Wan Kenobi closed his eyes and counted to three, hoping to see the stars before something startled him, a heart so full of tormented anguish that it was almost as if something stabbed his heart, almost bringing tears to his eyes.

He felt her.

And the man instinctively jumped at the state of _her_ Force signature, stammering down the clay steps and sliding the door shut with a wave of his hand behind him as his feet pounded against the dusty ground towards the room that bore a bed blanketed with scores of books and journals filled with handwritten words in a language he did not understand, only it was empty.

Yet the broken woman stood, a silk nightgown bore the ghostly silhouette in front of the darkened window that remained open. It almost seemed as if she was desperately searching for answers, and she lifted her hand, a shadow that contrasted the slight light in the contrasted room, her sickly fingers cringing into a fist as the hint of light revealed the wild, voluptuous frenzied brown curls that extended to her back – something scarily beautiful. 

She saw _him_ , the man shrouded in black robes, the lava extensively thrashing against the bleak and darkened rocks as the once beautiful blue eyes were enveloped in a startling shade of amber, anger completely saturating every single cell of his body, only his arm was raised, bearing a fist that clenched her throat shut as the man laughed, with satisfaction only no one could help her…

Kenobi shook her to consciousness, holding the bony shoulders of the paled woman and looking into her beady brown eyes for the first time, sweat covering her face as she screamed at the top of her lungs.

“PLEASE, ANI, PLEASE! DON’T DO THIS TO ME!” For such a small frail woman beamed louder than he ever could.

“Senator! Senator!” He shook her repeatedly as she continued to scream, until her name finally escaped from his lips, “Padmé!”

And all fell silent save the thrashing winds of the giant storm that enveloped the hut, and the chocolate orbs gazed into his in such desperation, the darkness shadowing her eyes, cheeks hollowed, mouth agape, trembling as the fear had tremored her delicate body fell to the ground and he went down with her.

It had been weeks since it all happened, weeks since they had exchanged words with one another. It was time she spent building the walls of her hardened heart, yet she had only bottled all of the sentiments, all of the sorrow, all of the anger, all of the confusion, tucking it away into a metaphorical black hole. Yet the dam she built was insufficient, the rains poured and poured consistently, persistently, constantly, and the walls she struggled to construct to prevent herself from crying were so very close to breaking.

“Padmé,” he whispered her name under his breath, so softly, just like he murmured it years ago – and the walls that she so desperately attempted to hold were completely demolished, destroyed just like her heart.

And for the first time, she sobbed.

He did not know what to do, other than embrace her as her arms wrapped around his torso, holding her so tight that he could barely breathe as the tears soaked his soiled tunic, as her voice shook with every wail that escaped her mouth, her hot breaths sharply grazed his ears. Her frail body shook violently and ferociously as her fists collided with his chest in anger, anger at him, anger at the man who held her, anger at herself. She wept for the first time in what seemed like years, and the woman was truly broken, each piece completely shattered in such a fashion in which seemed absolutely impossible to repair.

Never in her life had she felt so desolate, so desperate, so unwilling to be alive, to live this life that felt completely meaningless as everything she once held dear vanished from her grasps.

No words were spoken, yet he had never felt so close but far away from the woman in his life.

Yet she was distant, for everything she once held dear, the passions that were engraved into her soul had decomposed into the dust that whirled in the air outside of the quaint stucco hut, leaving nothing, but something completely unrecognizable to rebuild itself, for the damage had been done and the wounds and scars would never be completely healed.

They did not know how long they held each other, for sorrow and pain had no limits, but it was then when they realized something far greater, something powerful, something very unwanted.

They only had each other

Tears trailed the man’s eyes, “I am so sorry,” into her hair, just like the vein evening in Coruscant just weeks ago, when the smoke clouded the sky before them, the Jedi temple in flames.

Because the man realized that both of these things were his fault, which all of the pain was a burden on his shoulders – for someone who was one of the most powerful beings in the entire galaxy had never felt so powerless.

Padmé Amidala felt just the same, for she had seen the signs years ago, when the anger and arrogance was already there, when vengeance crept into his actions when he killed all of the Tusken Raiders – the women, the children, everything, the relationship with Palpatine that was seemingly toxic when he shouted of the corruption in the Senate and politics, her life, her livelihood, the life that was an irrevocable lie, the senseless acts and betrayal committed before her closest friends and family.

She let him hold her, because it was one of the only things that gave her the assurance that her heart was still beating. He was the only one there. However, this was the man that killed him, the man that took her children away, the man that was in also in just as much agony as her.

For one of the most powerful Jedi and influential Senators had never felt so empty, so alone, so powerless, because a sandstorm swept whatever light they had left away.

✦✦✦


	4. Three ✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok just to be clear here - in this version Padmé was 18 when she met Obi-Wan. I would never ship them in TPM when she was 14 and he was 25, I would never go there.

✦✦✦ 

There was a time, a time in which the prolonged peace of the galaxy was interrupted, when the Trade Federation invaded a luscious, beautiful planet out of selfishness, exploiting their resources for the sake of themselves, for they cared of nothing but themselves.

It was then, on a Nubian space yacht in the depths of hyperspace, where a Jedi Master and Padawan stood before a regal woman adorned in extravagant robes, her loyal followers by her side, all of them pondering on the amendable actions of a little blue astromech covered with grime.

“… An extremely well put together little droid. Without a doubt, it saved the ship, as well as our lives,” Captain Panaka stepped forward, his brown eyes beaming with pride as he bowed at her presence.

The calm woman spoke, her demeanor contrasting the complexity of her wardrobe and assembled fashion of her hair, her face almost emotionless, yet a slight smile crept on her painted lips. “It is to be commended,” she paused, “What is its number?”

The tiny droid responded with a series of bleeps, leaving the humans curious as to what it had just said. Standing at its side, the captain leaned over, scraping some dust off the side of the droid, beaming the number, “R2D2, your Highness.”

The Queen of Naboo almost revealed her teeth upon her sincere smile, subtly bowing her head despite the exuberant headpiece intricately embellished on her head, “Thank You. Artoo Detoo. You have proven to be very loyal,” she stopped yet again, glancing to a handmaiden draped in a salmon cloak with something hidden beneath her eyes, “Padmé!”

And that was when he saw her.

The young woman’s brown eyes beamed at the Queen, hastily bowing at her presence before the Her Royal Majesty continued again, “Clean this droid up the best you can. It deserves our gratitude,” her eyes bore into that of the handmaiden’s almost as if they were communicating with their thoughts before she glanced away, towards the concerned Captain that obviously seemed distressed, “Continue, Captain.”

He noticed this.

She stood confidently by the dirty astromech, his lights twinkling as the words were continually exchanged, but it was something beyond her stature that awoke the Padawan’s curiosity, an aspect that was merely concealed beneath the surface, yet he did not know what it was.

Not yet.

The concerned Captain almost glared at the two wise men, their hands together, as they were draped under their robes, but Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn met eyes for a fraction of a second, the Padawan nodding his head in order for him to continue, their souls interacting with one another through the Force, a bond so strong that nothing could sever the two from each other.

All was silent, until the Jedi Master rose to speak, internally knowing that there would be controversy upon the words that lingered on his tongue and in his Padawan’s thoughts, “Your Highness, we are heading for a remote planet called Tatooine. It is a system far beyond the reach of the Trade Federation. There, we will be able to make needed repairs, then travel on to Coruscant.”

“Your highness, Tatooine is very dangerous. It’s controlled by an alliance of gangs called the Hutts,” the dark-toned man subtly intervened, “I do not agree with the Jedi on this.”

The Captain’s facial features flailed, Obi-Wan Kenobi could feel his disapproval and uneasiness, but he was not expecting the overwhelming sense of discomfort from the woman draped in orange, her brown eyes even wider than before. For someone who was only a handmaiden, she seemed more concerned than every single person in the entire throne room – he noticed this, not taking his eyes off of her until he felt the presence of his Master, his eyes abruptly leaving her vicinity as his eyes met with his, almost with a sense of reassurance.

Despite all of the dangers, they knew this was the right thing to do.

“You must trust my judgement, Your Highness,” Qui-Gon Jinn spoke softly, without any hint of emotion in his voice, only with the intention of political negotiation, which he had just now mastered after their failed attempt merely twenty four hours ago.

Queen Amidala and the handmaiden met eyes once again, almost as if they were silently communicating with one another. Observant Obi-Wan did not fail to notice this yet again, no; this only heightened things even more, almost as if this confirmed his primary suspicions. She was different.

But she felt his presence, too, as if someone was profusely watching her. As she turned with the droid following in pursuit, her large brown eyes crashed with the waves of the blue sea before her, his eyes beaming with curiosity, almost as if they were telling her that he knew – the clever Padawan. But she looked away, thinking that it would be utterly ridiculous to think such a thing.

As the royal spacecraft continued to speed through the infinite depths of hyperspace, the Queen hastily agreed on the Jedi’s advice, exchanging several words and engaging in several subjects as the handmaiden cleaned the intelligent piece of metal in the main area of the quiet ship whilst the others continued with their tasks of ensuring their arrival to the quaint planet on the other side of the galaxy, all of them occupied except for an exuberant Gungan clumsily gallanting through the corridors with a can of oil in his hands.

The handmaiden crouched by Artoo Detoo, his lights reverently flashing as if he was content with a soiled cloth in her hands, assuring herself that there would not be a single spot left on the droid. For he had saved her ship from the narrowed escape, her life, and the efforts of her most loyal servants to free her suppressed people. But that was what hurt her the most.

She was not there, fighting for freedom by their sides, standing up for what was moralistically right, maintaining the peace and democracy her constituents cherished upon casting their ballots towards her election. But here she was, thousands of parsecs away, escaping the hungry grasps of her planet’s captors while the rest of the Naboo were abandoned.

“Hidoe!” A loud, irritating voice beamed in her ears.

Abruptly, her thoughts were interrupted with the swish of an opening door, following the loud thuds of a non-agile creature before her eyes, making her jump and yelp with surprise, the droid squealing in response to his graceless demeanor.

The humanoid regained his balance, the pot unexpectedly in his hands, “Sorry, nomeanen to scare yousa.”

A subtle smile curled her pink lips, “That is all right.”

Jar Jar Binks paced towards her, determined to give her the can with all of his might, so he could feel somewhat significant, “I ‘scovered oily back dare. Needen it?”

Slightly bowing her head, she thanked him, “Thank you. This little guy is quite a mess.”

He handed her the can full of oil until he proceeded to trip over his own feet once more, the can landing in her hands, a blessing of the Force itself.

The young woman shook her head in amusement, astonished to see the creature she read about in the scores of textbook just a few years ago, always wanting to learn about the aspects of her home planet and the universe as puzzle pieces to place them together to create something she had yet to understand.

“Mesa Jar Jar Binks,” he beamed at her, pointing his scaly fingers at his chest.

This was merely just another aspect of the universe and her world that she wanted to understand, curiosity nagging at her as the sketches in her books resembled him. “I’m Padmé, I attend Her Highness. You’re a Gungan, aren’t you?” Jar Jar nodded, pride hinted in his yellow eyes, “How did you end up here with us?”

“Me no know,” he stopped, remembering what occurred just hours ago, “Mesa day starten pitty okeyday witda brisk morning munchen. Den boom!” He almost jumped, his arms in the air, the droid stammering a series of annoyed beeps in the background, “Getten berry skeered, un grabbed dat Jedi, and before mesa known it,” he then proceeded to almost scream, as he reached his climax, “Pow! Mesa here,” he then shrugged, “Getten very berry skeered.”

“Quite an interesting story, if one were to ask me, but I think his version is definitely more dynamic, and mildly entertaining,” the sly Coruscanti accent filled the rest of the room, startling the Gungan while the woman remained completely still, for his blue eyes had almost caused her to lose her train of thought.

“Dis Jedi was with de oder Jedi!” The Gungan squeaked.

The Padawan nearly shrugged him off, almost taking him to no regard, “Is he bothering you?”

The woman did not respond, for she thought it would be rather prude to state the honest answer, but he somehow understood from her silence in response.

“He had a generous heart,” she finally spoke, “and brought me some cleaning oil to help with this situation.”

The young man placed his fingers between his chin, making the subtle cleft in the middle noticeable to her demise. He smiled coyly, “Surely his duty has been fulfilled. Since he has a heart for assistance, I am _quite_ sure that my Master would have something for him to do. There is much to be done!”

Jar Jar Binks frantically differed, “Jedi makes mesa berry skeered!”

He smoothly walked towards the creature, cunningly waving his hand, “You will go see my master.”

“I will go see your master,” his features relaxed as he mirrored the Padawan’s words, walking away and leaving the room with the swish of the metallic door.

The woman continued cleaning Artoo whose lights were beaming once again with joy (anyone would if they merely had the chance), leaving them in a quaint silence.

“You Jedi have your way with words,” she acutely allowed the words to leave her mouth, almost knowing that he would have some sort of snarky response.

He slightly chuckled under his breath, realizing that she was quite sharp herself, “It is almost as if we have some specific connection with a tangible higher power beyond our full understanding.”

“Unfortunately you are only a Padawan,” she paused, fiddling with the dirtied cloth in her hands, “Therefore the reference of ‘we’ almost seems condescending.”

Oh, not only was she quite intelligent, no she was rather clever. For she actually understood the difference between a Jedi and a Padawan, which many others in the galaxy struggled to even grasp.

“You underestimate my capabilities?” He turned his head to the side as the woman refrained herself from gawking at him, along with the chuckles that lingered in her throat.

Soaking the cloth with a dab of oil, she continued with her task, “I think Jedi forget that there are other powerful beings within the universe.”

For the first time, a living soul made Obi-Wan Kenobi absolutely speechless.

But the words found him before he would make a fool of himself, knowing that he only wanted to understand her from a personal perspective. Crossing his arms he asked, “And how would a young lady,” the woman nearly glared at him so intensely that he swore he saw the depths of the dark side, “alright, a woman, such as yourself, know so much about realms of power?”

She said nothing, other than cleaning the droid; as if she was indeed hiding something, which was then confirmed a second time, but he did not know what it exactly was, and the nagging curiosity bothered him beyond prevail, for someone so simplistically beautiful was also intelligible and capable of understanding the galaxy around her.

Padmé Naberrie Amidala was also lost for words, also hoping that he would leave her in peace and that her lack of response would not reveal anything to the suspecting Padawan. But she felt that he was somewhat able to read her, yet she was also able to feel his presence, something so strange and foreign to her, just like the man standing at her presence.

He felt that she wanted him to leave, and he pivoted his heels, slightly moving his hand to slide the door open when he felt the conflict within the crevices of her Force signature, causing him to freeze in his tracks – for he felt that same anxiety from the throne room just minutes ago.

“Do you need any assistance?”

She hesitated for a fraction of a second, diverting her gaze towards her lap before she could even answer his question, “Quite frankly, I think my assistance would be a better alternative,” he gritted his teeth as he referred to the creature on the other side of the ship as she extended her hand to give him another extra rag, his calloused fingers only briefly brushing her soft ones, before continuing towards the task in silence.

But she was curious about the galaxy around her, all of the knowledge that just grazed her fingertips right before her eyes, “What is it like,” she paused, his eyes meeting hers, “What is Coruscant like?”

“It is my home,” he responded as the droid beeped something to the side, “I have spent almost the entirety of my life training there. The entire planet is a city. Quite fascinating actually – how an entire planet could be stripped from its natural beauty.”

At that very moment, Obi-Wan Kenobi regretted the words that left his mouth, for the woman before him was no longer the witty, intelligent young woman he had acquainted with. No. For her Force signature bore the overwhelming senses of anxiety, fear, distress, more so than he would ever expect from one of the Queen’s loyal aides.

She knew that she had to be strong, despite all of the secrets that she possessed. For she was the face of the entire planet, every action, every word, every single thing she could possibly do influenced the people around her. The inhabitants of her planet needed someone strong, bold, resilient, and willing to stand up to something so atrocious. But what was visible from the outside merely contrasted the confusion on the inside. She knew this. She knew that the Jedi also were able to feel these things, which was why she built these walls, yet she was also unsuccessful.

She loathed failure.

“Forgive me if I am intruding, but is there something bothering you?” The words escaped his lips before he was able to stop himself, only resulting in a confused woman before him and subtle embarrassment from himself.

Scrubbing the dirty plate of metal, she spoke, “I do not understand why the Queen must comply with the council of the Jedi.”

He pursed his lips, confirming her swimming confusions, “We are only here to help, to maintain peace in the galaxy.”

“Forgive me for offending you, Padawan learner, but how could we possibly restore peace by going to Coruscant? What good could that possibly be for the Naboo?”

He internally smirked, “Filing the Queen’s grievances with the Senate is her only option.”

She sighed, “The Senate would only make it worse.”

 _Passionately opinionated. Just like a politician._ He thought.

“The Senate exists to maintain peace within the Republic,” he responded as diplomatically neutral as possible, for he had always been the neutral negotiator.

“The Senate merely exists on the foundation of corruption. For they are no longer concerned about the peace and prosperity of the Republic, but they perceive the galaxy to revolve around them and are only fixated on the benefits of themselves.”

“That is quite a rash judgement,” he gazed down at the droid that seemed to be completely asleep, for there were no lights or sounds escaping the astromech, as if he, too, wanted to leave this conversation.

But she knew far more than he imagined.

She pursed her lips, “Nothing ever gets done. We would be wasting our time. They would not fight for us, because the Trade Federation has already established a significant regard on its pedestal. The Queen’s place is with her people.”

“How could you be so sure?” He asked.

There was silence.

 _Because millions of lives are in my hands, the hands that abandoned them._ She thought.

“You do not know what it is like,” she whispered with hot tears trailing her eyes, for she forgot for just a small moment where she was. But she hid them, she hid them well, “To have your own home taken right before your eyes. The Queen left millions of her people stranded, in a blockade, with no resources, sent away to camps, left to starve and die under the filthy grasps of such selfish, atrocious beings – my dear colleagues, friends, family wondering where their leader is.”

He had stopped cleaning now, for he saw the desolation saturate every expression of her face.

“A leader does not compromise. A leader is supposed to fight. Yet it seems as if the leader has abandoned everything she stood for, for her people saw her as a strong, independent, and determined leader, all of those qualities now seeming to diminish.”

He did not know what to say.

“You said that Jedi had their way with words,” She almost snarled at him distastefully for changing the serious subject, but she contained herself, “Then you most definitely should meet my Master.”

Silence.

The only way he could comfort her was to show her what he had done for himself.

“He always says, ‘Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don't think. Trust your instincts,’” he mimicked his tone of voice and accent, causing her to chuckle, the flawless smile growing his own lips, “My point is, we cannot afford to dwell on what is in front of us.”

“Meaning?”

“The more we dwell on the situations before us, the less time we have to take action, to make an impact, to be a change.”

Her eyes adverted to her lap, as the hums of the ship filled the silence, “But how could one not dwell on the present when all one is able to see is darkness?” Her deep brown eyes looked upon him once again, his fingers on his chin, revealing a little dimple.

“You ask a difficult question,” he paused, remembering all of the past that still followed him, but he continued to speak, “This universe possesses so much obscurity, so much injustice, so much pain that is so complex that it is hard to understand. And, I too, have dwelled. Yet when I do – I close my eyes and pause – for just a moment as the world I perceive is shadowed in the darkness, resembling my thoughts, my path, the feelings that linger in my heart,” he looked at her now, her big eyes entranced with his words, so young, brimming with the desire to learn, “Beyond that, I remember the myriad of stars that paint the canvas before me, the radiant lights that envelop the grotesque sky with exquisite beauty. It is then that I am reminded that the darkness could consume us only if we allow it, that the universe is more magnificent than we could ever imagine. We have the ability to ignite radiance in the lightlessness. It is up to us to illuminate the stunning depths of the universe, for we are the ones that gaze at the glowing grandeurs of stars, we see the light. But you must feel it in your heart.”

She merely blinked as he finished.

“Feel the light,” he murmured.

“I would have never imagined something so impeccably articulate,” her words so soft and light that they were barely audible.

For her thoughts and his sentimental words were whirling within her coherence. For no one had ever spoken something so genuine, so seemingly sincere. So much that she was taken aback that such a man would even perceive the universe in this way, with such an intense light that she knew would not extinguish any time in the mere future, because she had a sense that this light was the will of the Force, that this galaxy would need something so poignant in the years to come – the reasoning, she did not know.

Before he could speak to her, the brown eyes closed, leaving her in darkness, the darkness of the world she left behind, the unalienable right of freedom snatched from their grasps, for the frenzy for wealth and power worth more to their captives, a price they deemed more valuable than millions of souls. And this obscurity seemed inevitably impossible to escape.

But she remembered the paved streets of Theed, the roof tops glowing against the sunlight whilst children played in the alleys that were adorned with walls of greened ivy, beautiful people rambling about their days as the lively birds chirped their songs, as the shimmering waterfalls showered the luscious countryside that was blanketed in colorful efflorescence in the distance while the cool, humid winds swirls vast aromatic fragrances of the fresh bloomed flowers and dewed grass – the natural beauty of such a place that millions, her family, loved ones, and people considered their home.

 _Our home_. She thought.

A smile crept on her lips as she imagined herself as a child once again, laying in the tall grasses of the country, gazing up at all of the plethora of lights that glimmered with such feverous promise, in the mural that was a gateway to something far greater than she could possibly understand.

She _felt_ it.

Never in her life had Padmé Naberrie Amidala felt so overwhelmed with such a zealous passion that erupted in her heart towards the lives of her family, her people, no, towards the lives of all living beings within this galaxy. For at this moment she had felt the desire to fight for the freedom the trillions of beings rightfully deserved, that she would strive for peace and tranquility for all.

And nothing would stop her.

The brown eyes opened to see the azure irises before her own, as if they were patiently attempting to read her. But he did not have to do such a thing, for he felt the fire burning in her heart, burning all of the insecurities and fear away.

“You were right,” she breathed, “There is so much more, more than we could ever possibly grasp.”

He nodded his head, internally thanking the Force for moving within her despite the fact that she was not even Force-sensitive, “That is why we cannot fight for what is right on our own. We must see the bigger picture, that there are others that feel this light, too. For there would be no night sky with just a single star.”

She was completely flabbergasted at the wise words that continued to leave his mouth, the small and humble smile that crept on his lips, “You may be a Padawan learner, but it seems that you have the wisdom of a Jedi Master.”

“And not to mention the maturity of a child,” Qui-Gon Jin raised his eye brows at the sight, two young people crouched by a droid, for they were not leaning towards the astromech, but towards each other.

Obi-Wan Kenobi quickly stood up, rag in his hands as he was startled that he was too distracted to notice the presence of his master in the room, “Master – “

“Master Jedi,” the woman subtly bowed her head at his presence, “Your Padawan was assisting me with the task of cleaning and repairing this droid. Technical engineering is surely not my strongest forte.”

He chuckled in response, “My apprentice has always been passionate about women being our equals, isn’t that correct?”

“Yes, Master,” he responded.

“My apprentice also thought it would be a _lovely_ idea to convince a Gungan to come see me, isn’t that correct?”

“Yes, Master,” he looked nervously at the ground.

He placed his cloaked hands together, as he knew that his Padawan learner was embarrassed but internally laughing at the same time. “I wanted to inform you that we will be arriving quite shortly. I need you to brief the pilots as soon as you finish your task. Carry on,” he bowed his head before swiping the door to walk towards the command room.

“I think I am able to finish this feat myself,” Artoo beeped after she finished her suggestion, “Thank you very much for your assistance and your thoughtful words.”

He shyly smiled, almost embarrassed that a beautiful young woman, such as herself, would be thankful for his contributions, “It was a pleasure speaking with you as well,” he turned his heels before taking his leave towards the door, sliding it open with a flick of his fingers.

“Wait!” He turned around, his heart thudding in his ears as she spoke softly, “I never got your name.”

“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and yourself?”

“I am Padmé Naberrie,” her face bore a bright smile.

He nodded his head, “We will surely see each other once again,” he turned towards the door, “Farewell. Remember – feel the light.” He was almost tempted to stop and look at her face again, but he continued towards his new task, leaving the woman gazing at the soiled rag in her hands with hot cheeks while the droid mischievously beeped.

And while she continued to clean the droid, thinking of what to say to the Senate upon their arrival to Coruscant, her desire to explore Tatooine and its culture, her people, her mind would drift to the stars, and she mouthed his name.

_Obi-Wan Kenobi._

Yet he was towards the front of the ship, examining the defected hyperdrive whilst his Jedi Master briefed the captains and the Queen’s loyal followers on their plan to enter the town of Mos Espa when he drifted towards the smile, as he too did the same thing.

_Padmé Naberrie._

It was then, thirteen years ago, when two young and naïve souls were drifting in their world brimming with confusion, an invasion that fractured the relationships for years to come, a darkness that they did not understand, a dawn of an era they did not perceive to arise. For these two people found something full of so much optimism, so much promise, radiant life brimming at its seems in a barren world full of scorching dust, lacking life and sufficiency – in a space yacht in the middle of the desert where they would continue their journey of light, hope, perseverance, peace.

Tatooine.

✦✦✦ 

She woke, by herself as the sun shone through the slits of the curtains that shielded the window, full of silence save the wind that was whirling around the crevices of the secluded home. It was almost as if a voice was speaking to her.

But something was different.

For there were no remnants of tears in her eyes or plastered on her cheeks, her head was not throbbing from the hours of crying and screaming in her sleep, her skin was completely dry as the sweat that soaked her with the fear in her nightmares was completely non-existent.

She had healed over these past uneventful weeks, the physical wounds from her husband and childbirth completely absent, the post-natal depression subsiding. The pain of the physical wounds was gone, yet her heart constantly throbbed, the agonizing memories of her past still just as intense as a fresh wound. For she knew that there would be scars that may never fully heal.

But something dawned upon her as her bare feel grazed the hardened floor, as she left the bed and sheets soaked with her tears and the myriad of words she inked in numerous journals, her own language of the Naboo taunting her, reminding her that she would never return. Yet she took it aside, sliding the metallic door and temporarily leaving the darkened quarters behind to reveal the glowing living area of the house, the natural light reflecting against the rocks to create this orange-pink tint that hued so beautifully.

Her legs did not even know where she was going as she passed the living area towards the kitchen in which they found the hidden steps before she was able to grasp where she was going. She was tired, her legs burning from the lack of movement for such a long duration of time, but the hidden escarpment that revealed the wondrous view had surprised her even more as the rocks that caressed the hidden oasis shadowed her.

 _Feel it._ She felt a voice call her from the hidden catacombs of her consciousness.

She found herself reaching towards the light of the binary suns, the intense radiation dancing on her paled fingers as she twisted them against the shadows and contours from the light, and the warmth brought a slight smile to her face for the first time since she was back at her children, the children that are no longer with her.

Suddenly she surrendered herself to the radiance before her, the two suns from the cloudless sky beating on such a frail and pale young woman, her skin almost glowing as the rays seeped through her and her sheer night gown as she gazed at the waves of endless sand dunes in the distance.

It was then when she closed her eyes, expecting vast darkness only to see the pink tint of the light seeping through the flesh over her eyes, for the light was too bright to bring any obscurity. Out of surprise she lifted her arms, almost as if she wanted the light to take her, as her face was illuminated with some sort of joy as the daylight soaked her hollowed cheeks and shone on her brightened smile. Even more so, it was almost like the radiance of the sun filled her with life as the subtle highlights of her voluptuous brown curls revealed themselves as they melted into the fluorescence. Her silhouette completely incandescent as the skin returned it colors, almost as if the sunlit rocks were hugging her with so much relentless warmth. 

But this was something she could not see with her own eyes, no, she _felt_ it

Obi-Wan Kenobi could sense this from a distance away as he returned from his weekly trip to the city, his cloaks covering his head as the gorge approached his view, the rock formations touching the sky.

It was then when he left all of the goods in the landspeeder and sprinted inside, to find her journal covered bed completely empty just like the rest of the house, and he felt her too, something far more intense, full of such promise just as he did years ago.

Up the stairs to bear the cliffs, he found her, standing in the midst of the orange-tinted rocks, the warmth embracing her as if she was their very own – the thriving flower in the middle of the desert, surrounded by the boulders and the toppled pottery and plant pots.

It was moments such as these when this man found her the most beautiful, when her vivacious curls where in a toppled mess, her cheeks red like the rose bushes that grew in the garden of the Jedi Temple that brought it to life, the curved lips that made him remember the light when it seemed so dark, the nightgown thin enough to reveal the skin underneath, waltzing with the dry winds that blew the dust in swirls that contrasted against the blue sky – something so raw, so natural.

He felt guilty for even seeing her in such a way, just as he did years ago.

After the few months he had been there, he had forgotten to feel the light itself, yet it somehow radiated off of her as he left her in silence while he attempted to slither down the steps, but a calm voice prevented him from doing so.

“I want to grow a garden here,” her words disappeared with the chinook winds.

He turned around to meet her gaze, her eyes wide and bright, resembling the twin suns above their heads as their rays reflected off of his strawberry blonde hair and beard that became a bit too long for his taste.

“We need water to complete such a task,” he was hesitant with his words, knowing that their water supply had become scarce, only allotting one cold shower per week and a meager cup of the precious liquid a day.

The drought did not help whatsoever. After all this time, not a single drop of water had fallen from the sky, nor have the clouds found their home in several weeks due solely to the fact that the planet was too scorched to even have traces of water in the surface to evaporate and condense it into the vapor that shaded them on a hot day.

She retreated to the shadows, her skin a slight tint of red from such exposure. Tilting her head she surprised him, “Then I will do whatever is necessary to make that happen.”

 _What in the blazers happened to this woman?_ He thought as she passed him, the subtle aroma of the Nubian countryside sliding into his nostrils when she retreated down the stairs.

It was this day, this moment when the former Senator realized that dwelling in the pained darkness hindered her from fighting in what she truly believed in – whether it be to stay alive, or to serve the purpose that the Force had given her, because the overwhelming calling within her heart was stronger than other thing she had ever experienced since she had truly loved the man that was in the light, or so she thought.

That afternoon, she undressed from her night clothes and into the Tatooinian clothes she had worn years ago, tying her tussled curls in a dismantled bun as she cleaned the mess in her quarters, stacking the journals in the corner by her window, the books towering past her shoulders as she topped it with the fountain pen her mother had gifted her upon her appointment to the Galactic Senate.

For the first time in months, she no longer felt the crushing burdens of loss and burdensome depression that crippled her to the confines of her room, as she blamed herself for her husband’s demise. Although she did not feel it at that moment, she somehow knew the anguish was still there, waiting to attack, that it would be an omnipresent battle she would be forced to fight.

But she surrendered to something far greater than she could even imagine.

On the other hand, he remained cross-legged in the sunlight as he closed his eyes, his silhouette before the endless ocean of sand dunes before him as he gazed at the imaginary stars that blanketed his imagination before him, remembering the delightful and humorous memories of his past, along with the pain and sorrow that would follow, the balance of darkness and light over the years, yet he knew what would always win, as long as the wrong thing would not grab him first, the guilt and anger still lingering in his heart.

But he still meditated, surrendering himself to the power and depths of the Force that filled him up just as it always did before, assuring him that it would fulfill its purpose for the galaxy, that there were others fighting by his side.

Suddenly he felt as someone was embracing him. Opening his eyes, his Master comprised of dust smiled at him before he dissipated into the whirring winds of sand, disappearing before his eyes.

 _Don’t give up yet, young one. Feel the light._ He heard him say.

He chuckled. _You’re giving me my own advice._

_Because you do not always follow it._

He knew this was true.

It was this day when things began to change, when the young woman cleaned the entirety of the house, making it her own as dinner sizzled on the stove; when the man snuck down the stairs to clean himself up, shedding the hair on his face for he felt as if it hid the guilt, the guilt that even consumed him in his dreams, only to change into clean robes to smell the aromas from the kitchen to find her in her element, her face stern with determination to complete a task – almost as before.

The Force smiled on this day, the day when they surrendered to the goodness and faithfulness of the light, even when they would drift away, even when they would doubt themselves and their existence.

But they uncovered hope out of the barrenness of the sandy planet, their hearts full of pain, yet full of hope just as they were thirteen years ago in a space yacht on Tatooine.

They felt the light.

✦✦✦ 

_Hi, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please feel free to leave feedback :)_

_\- coffeeenated_


	5. Four ✦

They sat silently at dinner that very evening, the sounds of the metal silverware dragging against the dishes along with the occasional slurp of bantha milk in the background. However the tension in the room was deafeningly uncomfortable for them both, for they did not know what to say to each other, even after everything that had unfolded before them over the past few months. They failed to meet each other’s eyes, only glancing at the overly picked food that they were not hungry enough to eat – their appetites had dissipated.

Just because they felt the light did not mean it was there.

Or was it?

Padmé twirled her sautéed tubers with her eating utensil, raking all the sauce to the other side of her plate as she could, distracting herself from the subject they needed to discuss at-hand. She had so many questions: Anakin, her children, hiding, Palpatine. But there were other issues at-hand that needed to be addressed.

It took almost two Coruscanti months for her to realize that there was only one bed in the entire little house, several weeks of Obi-Wan Kenobi sneaking a couple hours of sleep on the chairs in the living space by the hearth or in the corner in the basement. She had no idea. The fact that he slept so uncomfortably during these times of his long days out in the endless sand dunes in the hot suns made her feel overwhelmingly guilty despite the undeniable reality that he had killed _him_ , he had taken her children away, he was the reason for all of this anger and hate in her heart, yet… The few but vivid memories she had of the past with him veiled her consciousness.

 _He deserves it_! She reasoned with herself as she fiddled with a piece of root, stabbing it annoyingly in the process. The woman was blatantly angry at the events that had occurred just a couple months ago. However, she would not ever wish pain and punishment on anyone, not matter what they had done to her, even if he had taken her family away.

The words lingered on her tongue for quite some time as she looked down at the dinner she cooked, the meal she would not eat. It was almost as if she was at some sort of war with herself, the ruthless battle of her emotions and her logic, an omnipresent battle she had been acquainted with for many years. And it started here, only thirteen years ago.

She finally looked up at the man. His face was almost bare from cutting earlier this afternoon, save the scruffle of his burning amber hair adorning his sharp jawline as his empty blue eyes wandered mindlessly on his plate, fulfilled yet defeated. Her thoughts escaped her lips before she could stop them, “Obi-Wan?”

The man looked up at her, oceans thrashing in his eyes. He was surprised she even spoke at all. “Yes?”

Padmé Amidala cleared her throat, almost as if she was preparing a speech to address to thousands of senators. Only, this task was something far more difficult – needless to say… awkward. Placing a dark curl behind her ear, she childishly glanced down at her half-filled plate before meeting his gaze once more. “I was cleaning the house today and…” She paused, convincing herself that she needed to be polite. He _did_ make sure she would spend the rest of her life in isolation, away from the pain of the newly established Galactic Empire. She was the wife of the Emperor’s deceased friend, she was somehow a target. “… I noticed that there was not another bedroom in the house.”

“Ah,” he placed the utensil on the plate and crossed his arms, as if he was in the middle of some sort of political negotiation. “I see you have discovered my secret. Do not worry. The chair next to the fireplace is not too uncomfortable.” His lips curved up into a slight smile, although it did not reach his eyes.

Padmé lightly laughed at bit awkwardly, “I know, but you cannot do that for the years to come.”

He pursed his lips, “Trust me, Senator. I assure you that I am perfectly comfortable with the chair and the blankets.”

 _Senator…_ His voice echoed in her thoughts from that one time.

“It would be rather selfish of me to have the only bed in the house to myself,” she reasoned, her voice flat and firm, devoid of any sense of warmth, familiarity, comfort.

This was a bit unwavering to him, he almost felt as if she was doing what she had to do to uphold whatever civility that remained in the little hut on a barren planet nestled in the Outer Rim. “Do not worry about it, Senator. I still get enough sleep.”

“Only two to three hours a night? How are you not deprived of sleep? The bed has plenty of space for us to share.”

He placed his index finger and thumb between his now slightly visible cleft chin, thinking and pondering the idea.

“Obi-Wan,” she called out to him, “It’s not like we have not shared a bed before.”

He had forgotten about that. That night.

She had honestly forgotten about it until… Now.

Perplexed, he focused his attention on her in surprise. “I know…”

She stood, pushing the chair back from the force as she grabbed her plate, “It’s settled then.” The woman lightly smiled at him before she leaned over the table to snag his before walking to the sink to wash them.

“It is…” He sighed, remembering…

✦✦✦

It was a beautiful evening as colorful fireworks exploded and illuminated the night sky of the Naboo, the bursts of the lightshow intertwining with the shouts of glee from the partying crowds dispersed through the depths of Theed below the Palace. The turquoise roofs of the entire city glowed, reflecting the sparkling lights of the show and the gradient pastels of the sunset that ended yet another day as the cool winds from the hills and mountains drifted through the crevices of the capital, greeting one’s face with a comforting embrace of peace. Music echoed through the alleyways up the walls outside of the Palace, the positive and uplifting melodies permeating the air and traveling with the breeze, waltzing away.

Yet young hooded Obi-Wan Kenobi stood outside of his room on the balcony that overlooked the endless stuccos of brick and façades adorned with pillars and carved intricacies, and despite all of the joy and peace that surrounded him, he was full of insurmountable sorrow that seemed to follow him everywhere he went.

Who could blame him? He had watched his Master die and burn before his eyes. He had a new Padawan to teach. He had someone he loved far away. Yet someone was near.

He could feel it.

His elbows rested on the cool stone as he leaned on them, inhaling a deep breath as he absorbed all the emotions he felt from within and right in front of him. Satisfaction should have overcome him, since he was the first to kill a Sith in a millennia, but it did not feel like enough. He had saved millions of lives, but why was the death of a single person such a burden on his heart? It was his fault in his eyes, and it would take him many years to realize that it, in fact, was not.

When there is a battle between light and dark, death is inevitable – because it is merely a shadow that hides between both entities, sneakily snatching their victims until they are satisfied.

_Don’t dwell on your feelings._

He released a big sigh as his gaze adverted to the waterfalls that mirrored the pink and purple hues that brushed the dusk sky, bearing the stars of the entire galaxy. But he closed his eyes, thinking of each and every one he could, allowing their light to fill him as the cool, moist, aromatic breeze of roses permeated his skin through his thick robes and suddenly that pained sigh transformed into a sign of relief.

Suddenly, before he could even sense it, a voice greeted him. “Am I bothering you?”

The new Jedi Knight twirled around to find the face of the young, optimistic woman before him with cups of steaming caf in her hands, her face completely bare from the caked makeup she had on during the ceremony just an hour ago. He had excused himself from the festivities of Freedom Day to meditate and not let his intense emotions of sorrow to consume him. But he was glad to see _her_ face, the face of the young woman, not the Queen of Naboo that reverently ruled her people with a sense of pride and advocacy, qualities in a politician he had never quite seen before.

He straightened himself as he spoke, attempting to hide the blush on his cheeks, “Not at all… _milady._ ” She laughed as he emphasized the last term, “Or should I say… _Your Highness?_ ” He lowered his hood, revealing his shorter hair and the Padawan braid that trailed his shoulder.

She shot him a look, the look where one narrows their eyes to nonchalantly pierce into their soul – that makes one laugh yet shudder from their grasp...

“I thought I told you not to call me that…” Padmé Naberrie Amidala grinned as she neared him, handing him a porcelain cup of caf, the aromas of the roasted beans filling his nose and making him feel warm.

He took a sip, allowing the dark, hot liquid to linger on his tongue, “I know, Padmé. But I just couldn’t resist.”

Sipping the caf, she joined him on the balcony overlooking the city of her people, the glimmering lights reflecting off of the contours of her face – the twinkles dancing on her cheekbones up to her nose and glimmering on her eyes, then her lips… She leaned against the balcony with her elbows, too, her right only inches away from his left, just two good friends sipping caf on a lovely evening of light.

“If we are using formal pleasantries, then you are Jedi Knight Kenobi, am I wrong?” She turned to look at him with a large smile beaming from her supple lips, the happiest he had seen her since they rode back to Naboo from Tatooine after she finally put Anakin to sleep. This was when she introduced him to caf for the very first time, when they were cold in the depths of hyperspace, warping the dimensions of space and time in the entire process.

“You are not,” he sipped the caf again, clearing his throat with a snarky smirk on his pink lips.

Then there was silence for a while. It was not awkward or uncomfortable at all, but more satisfying, fulfilling as both of these humans were absorbing each other’s presence for all long as they could before they would be apart for however long that would be. After the celebrations, all of the Jedi and Republic dignitaries would vacate the planet and return to Coruscant – where their responsibilities were waiting for them. Padmé had a recovering planet in her hands while Obi-Wan was tasked to train the so-called “Chosen One.” Leisure trips between the two worlds were impossible and both of them knew it.

“Thank you,” she nearly whispered, holding the cup of caf in her hands, watching her reflection slowly dissipate as the sun slowly set beyond the mountainous horizon.

“For _what_?” He looked at her, his Coruscanti accent emphasized in the last word.

She nonchalantly chuckled under her breath and took a sip, “Thank you for talking me into having the Freedom Day ceremonies despite all the chaos of the galaxy that abounds. You were right.” The woman paused, allowing him to focus on the dark, thick curls on her head that he had not noticed before – they were beautiful.

Tucking some locks behind her ear she continued, “You were right because we cannot dwell on the past. We must continue to walk on our paths for the sake of not just ourselves, but others.”

He did not speak for a moment, only sipping the hot beverage as he was deep in his thoughts. “It’s what Qui-Gon would have wanted.”

Padmé sighed, taking the last sip of the caffeinated treat before placing it on the balcony edge. Turning to him she spoke, “Obi-Wan, I know we have been so busy with our own duties but I never got to pay my respects to y–.”

Interrupting her he shook his head, his eyes wide and serious, “No, no. You do not need to do that. Really.”

She hesitated, wondering what to say. What could she say at a time like this? Jedi don’t die of unnatural causes often, especially from the vengeful hands of Sith lords. Not many Jedi lose their Masters this young. Yet these situations were right in front of her and she had no idea how to navigate them, especially since the person she cared about was right in front of her.

“Obi-Wan… I know you do not want to talk about it and I respect that. Therefore, I will refrain from discussing it. I know that Jedi teach that one should not let their feelings cloud their judgement. However, that does not mean that you should suppress them and compartmentalize them away – not at a time like this.”

“I’m fine, Padmé, I promise.” He still faced the city, not meeting her eyes to hide his tears. He could not break in front of her, he could not.

She somehow felt the brokenness in him, a wound so fresh that it would take time to heal. Not many others saw this, and she saw the façade when Obi-Wan discussed future plans with Anakin during the funeral of the Jedi, the fire supposedly burning all senses of sorrow away. He was composed, stoic, devoid of any sense of emotion. But here, now, in this moment, he was far from apathetic, indifferent from the universe around him. In fact, he was quite the opposite. Padmé could not really see it on the expressions chiseled into the youthful lines of his face, but she tasted the bitterness he had toward himself and the burning pain that accompanied it. It hurt her to see, no, to _feel_ him this way. Grabbing his sleeve, he turned toward her as the dams he created were so close to breaking.

He was stronger than this.

He had to be.

Yet her presence, by some means, was some sort of weapon that made him most vulnerable and he hurt even more when he saw the concern etched in the crevices of her face.

Before tears could overflow from his eyes, she pulled him close to her in a warm embrace. And suddenly the sorrow and pain diminished as she held him, frozen from surprise by her actions as he felt her head brimmed with curls that rested on his shoulder. He did not know what to say as this warmth filled his entire body from head to toe; it was almost like he had been waiting for something this tangible his entire life and he had been ignorant before this very moment. Inhaling the sobs in his throat away, he smelled the aromatic fragrance of sweet roses and hints of hairspray. Regardless, he somehow felt at… home.

He never really had one.

His arms soon wrapped around her frail frame as he held her closer than he had ever held any other person – and it was the first time he had felt alive in a long time.

He never touched her… Satine… Yet she was far… Far away.

Pulling away, he grasped Padmé’s hands, surprising her as she looked up at him, the lights from the fire show radiating from his blue eyes. “Thank you….” He paused as he never broke his gaze into her caf-colored eyes, the hot, caffeinated, tempting liquid beckoning him, yet he restrained himself. “I have not had someone to truly confide in in quite some time.”

She blushed lightly, “But you did not say anything.”

He shook his head with a coy smile across his lips, “But you understood enough. You reminded me to feel the light.”

She beamed, radiating happiness, filling him with even more light. “I owe that advice to the person who gave it to me and he happens to be right in front of me.” She bore her bright white teeth with a smile he would mentally capture and hold in his heart for quite some time. He did not want to let his friend go.

“Would you like to sit?” He asked, trying to buy time and looking around the grand room only to realize there was nowhere to sit but his bed.

She took her hands from his and spoke, “Are you sure you do not have anywhere to be, _Jedi Knight?_ ”

He laughed, his voice so bright and light – it was merely like a leaf drifting in the breeze as it slowly trickled toward the ground to its final resting place. “I should be asking _you_ that question.”

“My decoy is giving me a much needed break for the night. She said saving our planet from invasion and handling the consequences with the Republic have proven to be exhausting. Thus, handling the festivities would be an opportunity for me to rest before I continue on with my term.”

“Ah,” he responded as he gestured to the bed for them to sit, only he plopped himself on the bed to prop his head back against the regal headboard, placing his hands behind his head as his elbows were acute to the side. “You think your people will be like me and notice?”

She snickered as she sat on the side of the bed, “I honestly do not think so…” She was playing with the fabric on the bed before looking up at him with a big smile. “I say you were an exception to the plot… Well… Besides…” She stopped herself and opened her mouth to apologize, but he spoke before she could.

“He did not know that I knew.” He jeered, before he sat up, “So it’ll be our little secret.”

She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, “Of course _only_ Qui-Gon knew.”

“Do you think he knew that secretly communicated with the comlink I gave you – so you could tell me all the background information while you were trying to find help on Tatooine?” Obi-Wan cheekily grinned, his mouth opened wide and bearing dimples on his face.

She shook her head, “I most certainly hope not…” Giggling, she looked up at him again, forgetting all the pain that came with the invasion, the torture of her people, specifically the two handmaidens that stayed behind, risking their lives to protect her. Now she was here laughing, and that little thought hurt her a bit. “Obi-Wan?”

“Yes?”

“When did you find out?” She asked him, referring to the moment he found out that she was the queen.

He pondered for a moment, his eyes drifting to the two empty porcelain mugs that rested on the edge balcony barricade then back on her, “I think I realized it when I was looking for Anakin… When I stopped by now Palpatine’s quarters to find a queen preparing for her appearance to the Senate. I must say the Queen of Naboo was quite surprised to see me considering I had barely said a word to her.”

“Really?”

He nodded his head, “Really… Your stuttering, ‘O- oh. A- Ani is not here at the moment’ followed by subtle giggles from the handmaidens. It was quite the show.” He mimicked her flat voice almost perfectly.

She looked away, embarrassed, the warmth of the blood rushing to her cheeks.

Let us be quite honest, these young humans felt many things during this night together. In fact, they felt many things they did not want to acknowledge themselves. But each second they spent together, they relished every little fragment they could. If anything, Obi-Wan Kenobi learned not to take things for granted especially after he had met Duchess Satine Kryze years ago, when his commitment to the Jedi Order prevented him from pursuing anything further. He did not really realize it, but it broke him in some way. Padmé did not know very much, other than the fact that she had dedicated herself to politics at such a young age, whatever she had with that artist years ago had diminished into nothingness, leaving the two souls together as the rest of her homeworld celebrated liberation, freedom, peace. They did not know what the future or the Force had in store, only that they had each other during this time.

They conversed, unbothered and undisturbed, for what felt like hours to the point that the evening chill had filled the room and they had to light the fireplace in front of the bed. Both of their faces were bathed in the fire light as they laughed and joked with one another. It was this small period of time in their lives where they forgot who they were and the horrors of their pasts – they were just Obi-Wan and Padmé, two friends who had met by chance during a planetary invasion. Yet despite their idea of friendship, they had fallen far deeper than they had realized. Soon the giggles and non-pleasantries had turned into stories of their pasts, their aspirations, their dreams, then transitioning into hums of exhaustion as their backs rested on the cushions of his bed, their eyes gazing at engraved flowers of the ceiling as the caffeine wore off and they truly felt the burdens that were placed on their shoulders that allowed them to mindlessly drift into an inevitable slumber.

Together.

✦✦✦

Sabé woke the queen before the sun rose, as the sky was transitioning from a startling black to a stark dark purple of dawn. It was so quiet, so subtle that they left without a trace, leaving the broken, yet optimistic Jedi to rest before he rose into the universe where there was a constant battle between darkness and light.

Obi-Wan had mistakenly left his comlink that directed to her in her ship, so there was no possible way of contact. Little did these two humans know, that evening would be the last time they saw each other for years. The Force had its ways of somehow meandering through people’s lives and these several interactions somehow had enough significance for both of them to cling to for years to come.

✦✦✦

Whether they wanted to or not, they both thought of the evening they had spent together after the irrevocable hell they had to face with the invasion that forced millions of her own people to suffer in her name, the dawn of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, the ploy Palpatine had to gain unlimited power, the coincidence that led them to a mysterious boy who was strong with the Force, the moment she met the man she once loved, a single battle that facilitated the birth of many that sprawled throughout the endless catacombs of the galaxy. As they lay on the opposite sides of the bed on their sides, trying to gain as much distance from each other with full-fledged discomfort and unwavering awkwardness, they dwelled on that moment of light.

He remembered her mentioning that she wanted to make lives better for the sake of democracy and peace.

She remembered him saying that he wanted to bring peace to the galaxy and honor his former-Master’s memory by training the boy Anakin Skywalker.

And despite all of the horrifying events and trauma that had accompanied them over the years, chiseling and altering their relationship as time relentlessly wore one, it was almost as if nothing changed at all. Only years of experience and events had filled the gaps before them and they found themselves in a similar predicament as they were in years ago.

But this time it was cold from the Tatooine nights, there was no fire to radiate light that would ricochet across the sharp features of their faces, there was very little warmth in the profundity of their hearts, she felt guilt while he felt shame while they both felt ferocious anger. Yet it was not directed at any other sentient being, no, it was directed towards them as individuals, a sense of self-loathing they did not know how to stare directly in the face and it brought a sense of anxiety-driven uncertainty over them.

They uneasily shifted throughout the night, their eyes wide open as insomnia greeted them like a long lost friend. But they were also unsure if it was the restlessness or the repetitive memories that were playing in their heads.

Oh, how similar they can be! If only they would see what was in front of them!

Padmé and Obi-Wan were where they needed to be, even if it was in the raging pits of a newborn nebula.

Despite the chaos, there was still _light._

✦✦✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It will give me some time to think for the next several chapters ahead. Please feel free to leave feedback, I appreciate reading the comments! 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy during these difficult times.


	6. Five ✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, before I continue with chapter 5… TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains topics with mental health, depression, and su*c*de. Beware, I’m geeking out a bit over the climate and weather since I’m a climate/atmospheric scientist. Additionally, I would like to say that in this rewrite Obi-Wan and Padmé met when she was at least 18 years old. I would never ship them if she was underage. This is why I’m rewriting what George should have, in my opinion, done. ALSO did you know that Padmé/Obi-Wan were actually on the table during the early stages of the prequels? Dayum.
> 
> Anyways I am continuing on…

✦✦✦

She rose in the early hours of the morning, still acclimating to the thirty-four hour days in comparison to the twenty-four or twenty-six hour rotation periods on Coruscant and Naboo. It was quite early. In fact, the sky was just beginning to illuminate with the light from the Tatoo suns, the light meeting the contrasting darkness of the receding night sky as the frozen grounds prepared to thaw into another scorching hot day.

The lack of moisture in the atmosphere facilitated the wide range of temperatures upon night and day, thus allowing the ground to drastically absorb the radiation from the suns to heat the surface air around them. It cooled as the suns bid their farewell, the absence of clouds and significant water content in the atmosphere allowing the heat to escape the ground into the depths of space, reaching freezing temperatures. This parallels the darkness and light. Although they cannot exist harmoniously, they both serve their purpose.

He still lay on his side, eyes closed but very much awake as she quietly ascended from her side of the bed with hushed steps out of the room – _their_ room. Her thin nightgown dragged against the ground as she shivered profusely, snatching a wool blanket from the chair in the living room and wrapping herself to maintain whatever warmth she had from her body. Exhaling, she saw a cloud of vapor escape her mouth, realizing how cold it truly was in the hut. However, she would not bring herself to light the fire in the living space because it would be a grave mistake given the hot day that would soon follow the coolness of the morning. There was no air cooler in the home, there did not need to be because the contrasting temperatures somehow worked together to maintain a decent temperatures inside as the suns boiled the desert outside.

Instead, she paced toward the kitchen with a hot cup of instant caf on her mind, hoping the caffeine would somewhat soothe her delirious thoughts after a sleepless night. Attempting to find what little water they had, she opened the conservator to find a little pitcher of the water they had collected from the single vaporator, accompanied with soon to be withering tubers, roots, and a single pally fruit. They had saved the leftovers from dinner the previous night, but that was all they had. She had even felt guilty for making a small cup of instant caf, but she would skip drinking water for now. Regardless, she knew that the lack of food in the cooling unit called for another trip to the city and quite soon.

Flicking the button for the boiler, she poured a small portion of water – enough for her beverage and boiled grain for porridge. Her stomach was not even hungry for food. However, she knew she needed something after barely touching anything yesterday as she continued losing weight from the depression. Releasing a sigh, the rumbling sounds of water filled the small kitchen. It was nothing much, save a conservator to preserve the food, a boiler for water, a stove to cook, and a simple gasser to bake flatbreads and such. It was anything but the luxurious kitchen spaces she had in the past, but considering the circumstances it was enough.

She wondered when she would get the answers and how she would approach Kenobi about them, but the beeping of the boiler snapped her back to reality as she found a mug to hold the contents. Pouring the water, the steam overwhelmed her face, waking her up from the exhaustingly sleepless night. With a mound of caf and a spoon she stirred the enchantingly hot liquid as the aromas greeted her. It had been so long since she had consumed the beverage – before she was pregnant with the twins – and now things were strikingly distant from the life she used to live. For all she knew, maybe people thought she was missing and trying to find her, or maybe they thought she was dead.

_Dead._

The word sliced her soul like a sharpened knife as she walked up the spiraling stairs to the back of the hut where the golden rocks of the escarpment greeted the roof. Sunlight saturated the view of the endless oceans of dunes before her with the bright pastels of the sunrise embellishing the sky as the distant moons peeked behind the horizon. Just like the steam from the coffee, the morning radiance warmed her, causing her to inevitably blink at the sight from the vigilant brightness that greeted the planet for another long day.

She sat on a rock with her coffee; wrapped in the blanket as she contemplated the fate she was given. Many thoughts raced past her as she sipped and she did not quite know how to process everything. It was an overpowering burden she had to bear, but how long could she hold it? If she let go, what would be the cost?

Despite the light from the suns, a lingering shadow had found her yet again causing tears to form in her eyes as it felt like her chest was brimmed with a raging fire that maliciously burned everything in its path. For the anger and guilt had overcome her, and the memories she had of the man she once loved came trickling back, because he was no more. She lost him on Mustafar. Yet she counteracted that thought as tears relentlessly trickled down her hot cheeks, because despite the darkness that had consumed him she _knew_ there was still good – there had to be. Padmé knew him better than anyone.

Or did she?

She could have stopped it, she could have stopped him, and she could have prevented all of this from happening if she had not given into the love she was desperately craving to have in her life after cutting her childhood short to serve in politics for the sake of her planet – for the Republic. He was handsome, cunning, brilliant – not the little boy that she once met on this planet, no, becoming a Jedi had changed him, yet it did not change the feelings he had towards her after so many years. His love, his compassion, his devotion was what drew her to him, she had not seen something so confidently displayed in a person before and that was something that tempted her as time wore on and her falling would be inevitable.

She cherished those moments, but loathed herself for allowing them to happen. She shivered as she remembered what he had told her when she saw him for the last time. Before he…

 _I won't lose you the way I lost my mother! I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I've done it for_ you _. To protect_ you _._

He did it for her – to make sure he did not lose her like he had lost his mother, to make sure his nightmares would not become reality, but they did…

Padmé did not remember much about those moments she spent on Polis Massa. In fact, she did not remember anything beyond images, slight dialogue, and emotions after her own husband had used the Force against her out of sheer anger and unequivocal jealousy. But she remember feeling drained, almost like something was physically snatching whatever light and life remained in her, as if she was destined to walk down a path into nothingness where once she closed her eyes, she would never dare to rise ever again. That – she remembered quite clearly.

After she had her children, Luke and Leia, whatever energy and strength she had left remained on a scarily thin thread that was about to be cut short. She was quickly dying and she felt it. Obi-Wan knew this when he looked into her dark eyes that no longer wished to be open. What she did not know was that Obi-Wan Kenobi was beside himself, withering with shame and preparing to mourn the death of the last person he held dear in his heart. For the Clone Wars had virtually taken everything from him, and seeing such a strong-willed and passionate woman die because she had lost the _will_ to live did not seem possible. In what was supposed to be her last breath, something overcame her beyond her consciousness.

Exhausted, her eyes sluggishly closed as Obi-Wan hovered over her with Leia crying in his arms.

She was supposed to die. Or that’s what she thought. She felt it as she spoke to Obi-Wan, his eyes pained yet warm as he looked down upon her with her daughter and son in his arms, this was the look she was familiar with – the _old_ Obi-Wan she had cherished in her heart. He would have been the last person to see before her eyes closed and she was at peace with it, because in the end Obi-Wan Kenobi had been by her side all along – he was the only person she could truly trust.

She was ready.

But days later she woke alone – Bail Organa, Master Yoda, and Master Kenobi were nowhere to be found and she was alive. Surrounded by droids, she wondered what had become of her husband and the men that were watching her quickly decline into lifelessness. She slept most of the time, as the emotional and physical pain was much to endure. Bail Organa and Yoda eventually returned, bringing Mon Mothma, but they had said very little, besides Master Yoda. Obi-Wan eventually returned after another rotation – her children were gone. But she remembered one more thing, Anakin did not return with them after Obi-Wan confronted him on Mustafar, where her husband was defeated – he was gone and she felt it.

Those facts will painfully haunt her wherever she goes.

Before she could think anymore, her caf was gone.

Sighing, she looked at the bottom of the cup to find some spare grounds as she removed the tears from her eyes. All she wanted were the answers, and she felt like she deserved them after all she had been through and all the things she had sacrificed to even breathe on a dust ball in the Outer Rim of the galaxy. This would mean actually having a conversation longer than a few pleasantries here and there or saying “excuse me” when walking in the same part of the little, secluded house.

After all of these weeks of grieving and processing, she felt ready.

But was she?

As the woman contemplated and tortured herself with her thoughts, the man sulked in the bed alone as he dreaded another day with no sleep. There was much to be done, such as purchasing new vaporators so they can have enough water to use to survive but also sell it to have money – the money he had left was slowly depreciating and he needed to come up with something as an alternative and fast. There they were, close in proximity but in totally different star systems where she contemplated her life, for her sanity was merely dangling on a delicate thread that was close to being cut while the man was sneaking out of bed for a quick piece of fruit and sip of water before he tiptoed out of the hut to his speeder to sneak into town to avoid any interaction with her.

He couldn’t blame her, but he felt her – the confusion, the anger, the guilt, all of the ingredients possible to facilitate the implosion of a dying star, a mess that would not be easily salvaged and he knew it. Obi-Wan had to tread lightly around her, because if losing her family had not been enough, learning of the current state of the galaxy around her would make her even more vulnerable to the darkness that threatened to consume her.

She was already saved once.

He couldn’t do it again, definitely not alone.

_Plans the Force has for both you and Senator Amidala._

Master Yoda’s words echoed within the depths of his thoughts repeatedly as he drove the speeder across the endless dunes, the myriad of peaks resembling that of the treacherous waves of the raging waters of Kamino, yet they remained stagnant, only moving with the whirling winds of the dust storms. But if he was driving fast enough, it felt like he was driving through endless piles of tidal waves, yet it was barren and there was nothing but heat and the god forsaken sand.

He had several things in mind on his mental list – vaporator parts to eventually assemble, produce, flatbread ingredients, tea, seeds, soil and… liquor.

The suns were well over the horizon when he arrived to town bustling with different sentient species alike, many were hiding something or escaping their pasts. That was why most people were here, because there were no laws other than the fact that they could escape the Empire. He did not blame them, especially after everything crumbled so quickly. But he did blame himself for not listening to Count Dooku all those years ago in Geonosis, when the deception was indeed the truth… In the end the Jedi were too stubborn and arrogant in their ways and principles that they believed in the lies over the actual truth. In fact, there was more to the Sith than he originally perceived and the walls that the Jedi Order had constructed over thousands of years ended up being their ultimate demise and prevented them from opening their eyes to the true issues at hand.

 _Blast!_ He cursed under his breath as he walked on the dusty streets, the hood over his head as other sentients watched him rather carefully. He did everything he could to conceal himself, especially his face.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was not blind to world around him. After Order 66, the Empire had sent out bounties for those who had survived and were hunting each survivor down, one-by-one. He would not be surprised if they had bargained the remaining Jedi into joining the Dark Side as leverage to save their own lives. He had heard whispers and from the holonet in the cantinas where he’d take a shot to drown his guilt and sorrows away. The news was almost like a precursor that facilitated to drink his pain away, but there was more to it that he did not want to address.

 _Feelings cloud judgement._ He thought to himself.

After he had bought everything on the mental list, he was preparing to leave until he saw _him_ the black suit and mask covering the man he had destroyed. There was no way that there was no life support and machinery to keep him standing and behold so much _power._ He did not know what to feel when he saw the image as the vendor was watching the holonews… Before he could even think, he negotiated with the vendor to purchase a small holoprojector that would give him all of the information he needed, or what would find necessary. It was quite unusual for Kenobi to act out of impulse, yet for some reason he did it anyways, maybe it was because he thought he deserved to torture himself with the fact that he never killed him or that he wanted to understand how things had changed so quickly, to know if there were any more survivors, to know if everyone knew if Padmé was still dead.

She still had no idea what everyone else knew. Obi-Wan knew that he had to tell her eventually, but he just did not know _how_. After everything that happened with Anakin and their children, he did not want to cause her more pain that he had already caused.

Though she desperately camouflaged her pain, her sorrow, her depression, he _felt_ it, not just those emotions but her resentment and anger towards him. He did not know whether his anger directed towards himself or her disdain of him pained him more.

With the haul he acquired, it seemed the little handheld device weighed more than all the supplies stored at the back of the speeder – it was burning a hole in his pocket to the point where he just wanted to find all the answers himself at that very moment, but he knew that had to wait.

There was a broken woman at home who sulked in her trauma and pain, planning a way to confront the man that had made her feel so lost despite the fact that he had somehow brought her much happiness on this planet just thirteen years ago. Oh, how things change by the will of the Force!

Both of these humans felt a plethora of emotions with thoughts raging like tormenting waters of a river flooding over its banks after a heavy thunderstorm, roaring so fast they couldn’t process everything because whatever was in their heads had passed and something else had found them – it was never ending, unless there was a drought to scorch and deprive their anxieties.

The suns were quickly moving on the other side of the horizon, faster than he had anticipated. By the time he had returned home, she was waiting with their reheated leftovers from their dinner the previous night, where they barely touched a thing. When the aromas of the stir fried root vegetables in the savory sauce filled his nose, he truly remembered how hungry he really was, but made sure to conceal the liquor and handheld device in his cloak as he loaded everything in the hut. She waited patiently, sipping another cup of caf with the little water they had. Obi-Wan knew what was coming, and he did not like it but knew that she at least deserved something from him – he just did not know how to put it into words.

He did what had to be done, not just for their sakes, but for the sake of the entire galaxy.

They were the only hope the light had left. The children were – Master Yoda and Bail Organa knew this, too.

Even Qui-Gon.

The Force was strong with them.

There was much uncertainty upon them, as the woman had planned exactly what to say and what to ask. She even wrote down the questions she wanted answered in the journals that were piled in the corner of the bedroom. Little did she know that Obi-Wan Kenobi added another empty one to the pile in their bedroom each time he needed to make a run to town, making sure there was enough for her to write and process all the traumatic experiences that were orchestrated by one person alone.

How could one being seek power for dispense of the living? It was cruel, torturous, and almost unbelievable.

Padmé made sure the dinner was kept warm as she loaded the new produce and groceries in the compartments of the kitchen as Obi-Wan changed out of his robes and washed his face. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw his younger self, yet he was scarred, the pain and stress of the war he did not want present in the lines etched around his eyes and his dimples. He sighed as he dried his face, knowing that it would only get worse as the darkness progressed and as the memories haunted him.

Maybe deathsticks would be a good alternative after all.

But the botte of liquor he had acquired was there, and was something that could at least mitigate the emotions he wanted to suppress, for they were too strong beyond the daily meditations and Jedi teachings. They plagued him and he did not know how to make them stop, especially when the former lover of his Padawan was with him, sharing the same living space and even sharing the same bed. How could he? The guilt sneakily crept toward him as he freshened up, even despite the fact that he was not even breaking the Jedi Code. He did not even touch Satine unless it was necessary or she did it herself, he would never break the Code.

Unless…

Leaving the refresher, Padmé was plating their meal, her anxiety strong enough for Obi-Wan to sense within her. As she did this, he grabbed two cups and filled them with tea at their settings across from each other. Then he sat, waiting for her to finally join him. He was hungry, yet his appetite did not seem to exist as the woman sat before him. Her curls were rampant, in a tangled mess he would not ever possibly expected to see from her after seeing her so put together for so many years. Dark crescents shadowed her sunken eyes as the chocolate orbs refused to meet the sea of blue. She sighed, and took a bite of her food, thus allowing him to do the same.

They ate in silence, not saying a word. Obi-Wan knew that she should speak first, but was wondering when it would happen and the sleep deprivation prevented Padmé from even thinking of what she would clearly say. The tension was almost indescribable, for it was something so unique and newfound that it is quite difficult explain… How would one go about their lost husband and children to the man she not only once cared about, but hated and had to sleep in the same bed with them? This prompted a lot of tense awkwardness that was more difficult to navigate than trying to land a shot down ship on a barren planet in the middle of a battle – which happened plenty of times.

Yet, Obi-Wan did not know if this would be another happy landing.

But time wore on and their plates were surprisingly empty, prompting Obi-Wan to gather them and place them in the sink to clean. She stoically sat as he did this, finishing the rest of her tea as he scrubbed the grime off of the dishes and eating utensils. They both knew that the time had come and the discussion was inevitable. Wanting to make more tea, he opened the cooler to find the last of the water gone, realizing that he had forgotten to collect the water from the vaporator today, something he would have to do later. He had done enough stalling; prolonging the inevitable would only make it worse.

So he sat in front of her, placing his hands together on the table like he would during a political negotiation, only he was in front of one of the most brilliant politicians he had ever met.

He did everything – in the end – for _her._

Lifting her chin and narrowing her eyes, he saw the same woman he met many years ago, trying to save her own planet, but this time she was trying to save herself, “You brought me here without a choice – to live in exile.”

Obi-Wan slowly shook his head, “Master Yoda and Bail Organa were also involved in that decision.”

“Why?” She hissed through her teeth, her eyebrows scrunched as if she was in physical pain.

“To protect you from the Empire, from the Sith Lord that wanted you to be destroyed.”

Profusely shaking her head, she strongly disagreed, “There is no reason for me to be here, Obi-Wan. I was supposed to _die_. I felt it! I know you did too.”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, but she continued speaking, “And I wake up surrounded by droids pricking me with needles to keep me sedated? Not answering questions about my children? The children who disappeared?”

“Padmé, please –.”

“I lost Anakin, Obi-Wan, but my children? My Luke and Leia?” Her voice almost broke, but she maintained her composure with a single little thread that was so very close to snapping at any moment.

“Padmé… You need to understand –.”

“…. What _you_ need to understand was that they were all I had left! I have nothing, Obi-Wan! Absolutely nothing! Everything I worked for my entire life is meaningless and worthless and the one time I give my heart to someone they shattered it! And the person I trusted with my whole life killed him, took my children away, and brought me to rot in isolation for the rest of my life!

I was _ready_ to die Obi-Wan. I did not want to, there was so much more to live for – my children and formulating a rebellion against the Empire Palpatine orchestrated. Even after hearing Master Yoda’s words about the plans of the Force, there’s still nothing! It’s pointless! How could you even live like that?” Her voice was at a yelling level now, the sleep deprivation taking over her ability to speak calmly as tears trailed her eyes. “I have _nothing_ to live for!”

He blinked, not knowing what to say, “You’re right, Padmé…” He looked at her with such sincerity, the tears almost fell from her eyes. “You were supposed to die. I saw the life draining from you and it sincerely _hurt_ me to my very core. After everything the Clone Wars did to me, you were the only person I had left that could understand _me._ Seeing you in that broken, decrepit state nearly…” He stopped himself, realizing there was a sob in his throat. “But you lived. Master Yoda somehow used the Force to stop whatever was taking your life away because he knew there was _hope_ to bring peace to the galaxy!

Do you not realize that you are not the only person Palpatine is after? Do you know what he could do to your children? He will stop at _nothing_ to destroy you and your family to keep Darth Vader by his side. If Darth Sidious knows you’re alive, he will find you and kill you, then your children. If that is the case… Then I am quite afraid all hope will be lost.”

“He’s alive?” Her eyes widened, glistening with hope.

Obi-Wan shut his eyes, releasing a big sigh as he remembered the burning dismantled body in the raging pits of Mustafar.

_You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you._

He died there, whatever remaining traces of Anakin Skywalker left no longer remained and he was reconstructed into a monster, a being that Padmé should never see. But Obi-Wan made him this way, into the being Darth Vader was at that time. It was his fault.

Yet Padmé was also drowning in guilt – Anakin did it for her, he said. Everything he did, including turning to the dark side was to save her from death. But he didn’t save her… Yoda did, thus proving his premonitions were vastly incorrect, if not… Influenced by some other outside force and she realized that it was Palpatine’s plan all along – to take Anakin under his wing, to send him to protect her before the Clone Wars so they could marry and love one another in secret. He knew – he knew that Anakin’s childhood crush was merely a sense of security to fill the void that was the result of leaving his mother. Losing her broke him into so many matriculate pieces that would be impossible to repair. Losing Padmé would be his ultimate end of himself… It was all orchestrated.

Yet she fell for it, for him.

“He is more machine than man,” Obi-Wan responded harshly, “Anakin died on Mustafar.”

 _Is there good in him?_ She thought deeply and sincerely.

“He thinks that I died carrying the children…” Padmé slowly put the pieces together.

Obi-Wan bit his lip, taking a deep breath for what is next, “They think you passed away carrying your child. There was a funeral procession in your capital city on Naboo… We arranged it with a hologram over a corpse similar to your stature…”

“Then let me die!” She began to sob, “Please. I cannot do this. I cannot waste my lie this way when I should be fighting for freedom and democracy!”

“But Master Yoda said…”

“I’m no Jedi.” She nearly sneered at him with tears falling down her eyes, sobs threatening to escape her lips once more.

“No…” He trailed off, “But you have something to offer.”

“What?” She asked.

Obi-Wan sighed, wondering how it could be, “I do not know… All I know is that I can sense it.”

She shook her head in disagreement, trying to maintain her composure. Padmé was convinced that there was nothing left for her – all that mattered were her children and they were taken, leaving her alone with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Their absence left a gaping hole in a heart, a wound she did not know could heal…

“Where are my children?” She changed the subject, her voice shaken as she slowly steeped lower and lower.

“Senator, they were separated at birth to prevent their discovery. They’re safe.” He reasoned with her, purposefully dodging the real answer she was looking for.

“If they’re safe, please let me be.”

“Do you not understand how pressing these matters are? Everything I did after Mustafar was for _you_ , to make sure you still live the best possible life you can, even if it is a second chance!”

“I did not ask for this, Obi-Wan!” She yelled, abruptly standing from her chair, almost forcing it to fall on the floor as sobs escaped her throat, the desperation and sorrow overcoming her as she mourned her children, her husband, the life she dedicated to her people.

All of it was gone and there was no point for her to continue on in this agony. It was in this moment that the darkness had totally consumed her, and she no longer felt any light. There was no hope, her children would never know her, her husband no longer existed and was a monster, and the man that was with her had allowed this happen.

“I cannot live a lie anymore…” She whispered under her sobs as turbulent waterfalls cascaded down her hot cheeks, never subsiding, even after the storm had passed. Padmé Amidala turned around and up the stairs leading over to the cliffs that dominated the flatter landscapes of the dunes in the distance. The suns were setting how, allowing the warm, pastel gradient of the sky to glow on the rocks, making them an orange, pink hue. The light glowed on her face as she felt the warmth as the rocks around her began to crack, the heat escaping the rocks and into the chilling atmosphere. Winds picked up during this time of day, as the temperatures changed drastically, causing her thick brown curls to crazily flail in the wind.

She did not know everything, but it was enough – enough to give her the validation she needed to go back home where she truly belonged. There was nothing for her here or anywhere and the words of Master Yoda did not have enough meaning to her – just as the Jedi called him the ‘Chosen One.’ It was all meaningless. And she sobbed like she never had before, and had never felt as hopeless. The sunset was beautiful, stunning enough for it to be a wonderful last image to see before returning to darkness.

She slowly took steps as Obi-Wan contemplated what to do with her and himself as he sat at the table, thinking…

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

The edge of the cliff to a steep drop neared her, which would be enough to end it all and suddenly the pain would be over and the memories and nightmares would no longer haunt her into exhaustion every day. Her children would never know her, whatever left of Anakin already mourned; the rebellion is in good hands…. Nothing could stop her now as she looked down to the one-hundred meter drop.

It was enough.

She was worthless. No one would remember her.

She took one last breath before looking up at the beautiful colors.

She fell.

Sometimes death is peaceful.

✦✦✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the grotesque chapter – happy Saturday/Sunday! I hope you all are staying healthy and well during these trying times. Feedback is much appreciated, I enjoy reading comments :)


	7. Six ✦

He felt it.

_Her_.

Her aura, which beamed an intense amount of agony and anguish that resulted from the overpowering heartbreak, mourning, and guilt that created an impassable mountain so monstrous and vast, that it was merely impossible to climb. His words were of no consolation to her. In fact, they reopened the healing gashes of her soul, deepening them to the point where the pain was too much to endure. There was nothing else for her here, even with him, for the years where their relationship was quite different had drifted past them into some sort of void they never fully acknowledged or explored.

Even the Force could not bring her any peace, and he did not know what would.

But it happened quite quickly once she stood from her chair to leave the room and to the sanctuary that overlooked the boundless desert of incessant desolateness. Yet it was peaceful, for looking at the landscape that was so infertile brought a lot of beauty in its own way, especially the sunsets and sunrises. It was the only place they both thought they would find it.

And it was exactly what she was doing – finding it without turning back.

Obi-Wan Kenobi felt it when she made the innate decision, tears slowly trailing down her cheek as she took the last breath before pacing forward. By the grace of the Force, he bounced from the table, hobbling over it and up the steps faster than he had ever moved before, instinctively running towards her as if his own life depended on it. His heart was racing, burning like simmering coals in the pits of his chest as if the wounds of losing her were already there – he could not lose her too, or else there would be nothing left.

Nothing.

He saw her take the last step off the cliff, and his entire heart went with her.

He had lost Satine die before his own eyes, but not again… Not her. It took watching her choose to end her own life to truly acknowledge that the repressed feelings were indeed still there even years later.

Before he could even think, he instinctively raised his hands and let the Force flow within his entire body and suddenly he felt a shift in the air around him as she heard the screams bellowing from the miserable and powerless woman as she stopped falling midair. Anger and desperation simmered through her as her cries echoed off of the walls of the canyon right near them, followed by sobs. Slowly Obi-Wan’s heart sobbed with her, not just because of what he had witnessed, no, but he could feel each emotion erupting in torrents from her heart. The woman he had admired over the years was no longer there – the large smile that lit up the room was merely a stranger, happiness was a long lost passionate lover that would never return again.

Her hair and cloaks hung as the Force lifted her up toward the edge of the cliff to the level of where she stood before stepping off. Padmé was still levitated in the air just for her red eyes of chocolate bore into the blue massive tidal waves storming his eyes, she saw but also _felt_ his agony as he saved her.

Hell, he jumped out of a fucking window for her.

The two humans stared at each other in desperate confusion, because they were in the same, albeit, different situation several years ago, when he saved her life the first time.

Only this plight, the feelings he had for her were so tangible he almost wanted to let her go so her suffering could end.

Yet, her tears abruptly halted, her eyes widened with a sense of realization as her shaky voice bellowed with the Tatooinian twilight winds, “Obi – Obi-Wan.”

He abruptly pulled her towards him in a startlingly tangible embrace, his muscular arms protected around her tiny frame that violently shook from her stifled sobs she clamored into his tunic, her tears soaking through the dense fabric. His chin fit over her head perfectly as he leaned into her, and suddenly they both felt surprisingly whole, almost as if they were fulfilled and their presences were some sort of solace for each other – something they could not necessarily explain. But in that moment, it was right.

“Sh, sh…” He breathed lightly into her thick curls, “When you are here with me, I have a purpose – you make me feel the light again after all had been lost.”

He knew that telling her of his true feelings would not suffice as a foundation to live, because he did not want to be the reason why she chose life – there is more to such a marvelous, strong-willed, passionate woman beyond a man, or partner. She deserved more than having that define her, no, she deserved the entire universe and more. Obi-Wan knew he could not give that to her.

Yet Padmé, felt at peace being in his arms once again after so many years. All of the memories of their past flooded back to her like the rains of Tatooine forming ginormous rivers upon the parched grounds, because they could not hold the raging waters of the rain, for the water had nowhere to go. She suddenly remembered what it felt like to actually _feel_ again and she could not place her fingers on it.

Just two humans, holding each other like their lives depended on it.

✦✦✦

Several years ago on an ecumenopolis planet, the Senator of Naboo found herself on another tirade of escaping a death warrant once again after taking a walk in a courtyard relatively close to the Senate building. Padmé insisted to Captain Typho that she go alone and Artoo Detoo could accompany her with the programming she installed – she had eventually become familiar with technology and understanding the works for the sake of curiosity and her life. She had left the actual Senate building between sessions to distance herself from her work and to finally find some ‘fresh’ air with the aromas of greenery and flowers that would take her back to her home where the rolling hills and mountains decorated the landscape as waterfalls were merely ornaments against the backdrop, with flowers and greenery sprinkled the remaining spaces with colorful textures. Although it was nice to have something resembling those images that were forever in her head, making her homesick, it was nowhere close to the real thing.

Times were stressful, especially since they were voting on a piece of legislation that involved the Trade Federation…

But she remembered what a dear friend once told her and closed her eyes.

Before she could even think about the stars of the galaxy, something or someone snatched her from her feet and onto a cruiser. She did not even have time to scream from surprise, and they were quick enough to take off without any effort or opposition. The helmeted figure restrained her, cuffing her hands behind her back as one drove and the other stood over her, making sure she wouldn’t move…

Padmé Amidala was not scared, only annoyed, because this _would_ occur during a big vote of legislation that dealt with the Trade Federation, she was far away from surprised. In fact, she was quite peeved.

Internally rolling her eyes, she maintained her composure as she remained stoic while lifting her chin in defiance, scrunching her eyebrows, “I am Padmé Amidala, Senator of Naboo and I demand you release me in the name of the Republic and democracy!”

“Yeah, yeah…” The masked sentient in front of her shook what sounded like _his_ head. “Aren’t you too young and pretty to be a Senator?”

She _really_ wanted to laugh at that remark, truly. How shallow and misogynistic it is for beings to assume that young women should be up to other things that do not involve intelligence and power – that they are not capable or passionate enough to accomplish such feats! It was such an ignorant and shallow statement to make, and it gave her just enough assurance that they were the idiotic ones, not her.

Scoffing, she suppressed a laugh, “You say that as if I have not heard it before.”

“For the love of the gods, will you _please_ shut up?!” Then what also sounded like a younger male driver scowled in annoyance as they sped through the endless skyscrapers of Coruscant, expeditiously passing ships and cruisers left and right, causing her to flail in the backseat due to the reckless driving.

It seemed that she was more likely to die from falling out of the vehicle than what they were going to do.

But this Senator was clever. She always hid a pick in the cuffs or bangles of her dresses for situations like this. Honestly, nothing surprised her anymore, especially after her ‘more than warm’ welcome to the Senate when she first arrived as a rookie, a newcomer, the easy target.

“Hurry up!” The kidnapper in front of her turned their head and yelled at the driver, giving her the opportunity to start picking at the locks of the restraining cuffs ever so slightly. The endless hours of training for escape and self-defense with her and her handmaidens had truly paid off – especially learning how to discreetly pick cuffs… And she also managed to press her comlink to alert Typho and her handmaidens of her active location. She couldn’t help but smirk. “We are running out of time!”

“I know what I’m doing. Give it a rest!”

But it was too late, the police cruisers were following them in pursuit, making the beloved Senator smile rather cheekily.

Shaking her head, she chuckled, “I can tell that you have _quite_ the expertise.” Her tone was quite condescending as she finally broke free, but continued to have her hands behind her back. The person in front of her turned towards the driver, revealing what looked like a… jetpack? “But know that I’ve been captured in more… Impressive ways.”

Glancing at the back of the driver, it appeared he had one too based on the protrusion of something from their back on the side of the chair. The police were gaining and fast, the sirens ringing in her ears. Tones of the sirens grew closer and closer to the point where she was able to see the blue and red lights in her periphery.

“Sit down!” The driver hissed at the form that was standing over her, “We cannot fail. We promised.”

He sat in the passenger seat in front of her, “It’s not that hard to kill a Senator.”

Padmé raised her eyebrows, “You’d be surprised by how many people have tried to kill me.” Her cleverness and intelligence would always prevail at a time like this, “And they failed… every single time.”

The police surrounded them side-by-side, and Senator Amidala shook her head with a curl in her lips, thinking about the many hours she spent jumping across cliffs in her heavy dresses and headdresses. She eyed the officer in the cruiser to her right, giving the nod of her head and leaning forward to reveal that she had freed herself. With this revelation, she came to the realization that she was going to jump between two cruisers going at least 150 kilometers per hour between skyscrapers that penetrated the atmosphere from the pits of the unknown. An unsuccessful jump would entail falling hundreds and hundreds of kilometers to an inevitable death. Everything had to be meticulously calculated in her head as she analyzed the space between the vehicles, the two sentients in the seats in front of her, their speeds, the drop, and the possibility that if she does jump the driver could rev the speeder to the other side.

She had to think very carefully as time was quickly running out. 

There was an overwhelming sense of confidence in her, and she did not know where to pinpoint it. But it was the Force – calming and soothing her when her decisions meant more than she could possibly fathom. But the Force was going to make this decision for her despite her stubbornness and independence as a natural-born leader of her planet, her sector, but also in the Senate. For many others listened to her and her words had the power to sway millions of sentients across the galaxy. It was a gift the Force bestowed upon her whether she realized it or not.

As Master Yoda would say years later… The Force was strikingly strong with her and for this very reason, this gave the Senator the realization of what she really had to do.

Little did she know… there was a hooded man walking out of a familiar diner after speaking with his good friend Rex over some fried tuber sticks and something sweet to drink to cut off some steam, but to also ask some questions. Obi-Wan Kenobi had very little time to go on this side of town, but something led him to this spot on this very particular time of day where he happened to have the free time. He bid his friend a farewell as the light from the outside greeted his face, with the rumbles of the speeders and ships zooming above his head. Something had overcome him to make him stop on the curb and just look at the clouds in the smoggy, polluted sky as the sun had begun its descent into the afternoon and early evening, thus concluding another day. He took a deep breath, smelling the fried food and the interesting aromas of the city that surrounded him.

It was during this time, the sounds of sirens had grabbed his attention as they neared him. Fixatedly looking up, he saw the masked figures at the front of the speeder and the law enforcement surrounding them. However, he did not see the woman adorned in purple jewels on her head and an elegant dark dress with hand embroidered purple flowers decorating the green vines, a true homage to her home planet. But he _felt_ her. Surprisingly, he did not even move or try to get on the ship that awaited him to follow. He waited… He had this feeling in the pits of his stomach and chest to stay despite the fact that his mind told him to go.

The Senator knew she was running out of time as the masked men whispered amongst themselves. She knew that they could not fail, because if it was up to the person that had orchestrated another attempt to end her life, she knew that their lives were also on the line if they were to fail. Maybe there was no line at all, it was both she die and they live and get payment or she lives and they die… Whatever plan they had was miserably failing and she was able to decipher what little options they had left. Looking left and right at the speeders right next to her, she discreetly gripped her blaster that was hidden in the layers of her clothing.

Unknowingly, the Force validated her and her decision. In fact, the higher power that flowed through the universe had everything in place for this moment – the moment for Senator Amidala to shoot her blaster at the controls of the speeder and the man in the passenger seat before he could shoot her, blaster still in his hands with his index finger on the trigger. She quickly jumped out of the high speed vehicle in between them and the police as they kept moving, smoke trailing from the speeder as it kept going and eventually colliding with a building in a gruesome explosion in the distance.

But the driver escaped, flying out of the chaos just in time before it was too late. He had to find the Senator dead to make sure his mission was complete.

She fell hundreds of meters, her front facing the ground as it came closer and closer as other ships and speeders dodged her. Tears fell from her eyes as if these were her last moments, but a sense of satisfaction overcame her, as if she did what she had to do and was validated in that fact that she evaded capture. The air traveled through her face and the thick layers of her clothes, chilling her to the core as her fate drew closer and closer.

Obi-Wan Kenobi watched as the speeder approached, hearing the blaster shots over the sirens as the vehicle kept moving to see a figure fall right in front of him as the smoke trailed in front of him. He merely lifted his arms up in the air and allowed the Force to flow within his entire body to his hands and outward toward the figure falling, falling, falling directly in front of him. It took so much strength and power to focus on an object moving that fast, but he narrowed his eyes and scrunched his eyebrows in such an intense concentration that he finally connected with her lifeform as she was merely five meters from the ground.

Her eyes were squeezed shut as the ground was closer and closer, but something stopped her in midair and she opened them to find an endless sea of blue, just like the lakes of Naboo right before her – a familiar hooded figure with an auburn beard that embellished his chiseled face, making it surprisingly sharper than it was prior to the last time she had seen him in the Senate building a couple years ago by chance. His eyes also met hers, the luscious melted chocolate nearly hypnotizing him before he heard the explosion of the crashed speeder. Their moment was unfortunately cut short as onlookers on the street watched with shock and curiosity, but the blush was still splotched on their cheeks whether they wanted it or not. But both Padmé and Obi-Wan knew that seeing each other was a surprise, if not a pleasant one.

Still in midair, he pulled her towards him as he sensed another presence returning back to this very spot. He moved so fast and with such intention she grasped onto his broad, firm stature. Suddenly, they were concealed in a dark, isolated alleyway as the masked figure with the jetpack circled the area where she was supposed to fall to her death. Both were catching their breaths in the shadows, holding on to each other so tightly that their chests touched as they breathed together, hearts ferociously beating frantically as the adrenaline continued to pump in their veins. Their faces where only a centimeter apart, their noses barely touching as their breaths caressed each other’s faces as they desperately sought to find the answers in each other’s eyes.

He saw fear in her as the sentient was looking for where she could have been, she nearly gasped as they thought he looked this way. Padmé shuddered despite the fact that he held her close to him, releasing his grip with one arm; he placed his index finger on her pink trembling lips – so soft, so tempting. They tingled from his touch as the heat returned to her cheeks. It was almost calming to actually _feel_ him touch her after all of these years. It was merely the tip of the iceberg and she wanted more. No, they wanted more.

What had he done?

“Sh…” He breathed onto her face, his warm breath somehow assuaging her as his calloused fingers brushed her red, hot cheeks, still sizzling under the light yet comforting touch that merely ignited the flames. “Padmé, look at me, nowhere else.” His velvet voice soothed her as his lips curved into a light smile, his beard concealing the cute dimples he once bore, but she remembered them perfectly as if she had just seen him yesterday – two young souls turned on their sides looking at each other before one had to train a boy and the other had to rule a planet.

He ducked in front of her, to conceal her and make it seem like they were just a typical couple having an intimate moment. It seemed to work, because whoever was looking for her had disappeared, leaving two very confused humans alone together in a dark alley, sweating in each other’s arms despite the cool day. The moment they never left each other’s eyes seemed like an eternity, but also only a second and they knew that it would not last, but they relished every single moment they could grasp just by studying each other’s faces. Both, Padmé and Obi-Wan had grown up over these past years apart, their faces matured and more intense as ever – their confidence was unwavering, but their hearts on the other hand…

An abrupt beep interrupted them, coming from Padmé’s comlink on her arm. Obi-Wan finally cleared his throat and they let each other go quite awkwardly, now failing to meet their own eyes.

“M’lady, are you there? Are you alright? Are you safe?” A deep male voice bellowed from the small speaker.

Padmé cleared her throat and realized she had to go back into reality, “Yes, Captain. I am alright, I ran into an old friend who happened to save my life.”

“I told you not to go alone…” He reasoned with her as calmly as he could, but still expressed his distress and worry.

“Captain, I can assure you that I am fine. I broke free from the cuffs, shot one down, and made sure the cruiser was destroyed… Then Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi was coincidentally in the area and came to my rescue.” She briefly looked up at the still-hooded man with a big grin, her bright teeth still shining in the darkness.

They could hear Captain Typho’s sigh over the intercom, “We have your location. Do you need us to come get you?”

“That will not be necessary, Captain.” Before Padmé could answer, the Jedi had already intervened, “I will escort her back to her apartment while you take security precautions necessary for the evening.”

“Thank you, Jedi Kenobi.”

“My pleasure,” He responded cheekily, with a smirk on his face as he turned to her, causing her to blush.

_Is it possible that she got even more beautiful?_

Padmé cleared her throat, “Amidala out.” She turned off the comlink and looked up at the man as he removed the hood over his head. His hair was longer than when she had seen him last at the senate building a couple of years ago… Oh, how things have changed.

_Is it possible that he got even more handsome?_

“Follow me to my ship, it’s just over there.” He pointed at the ship that was in front of the diner – his delta-7 starship that only had _one_ seat to fit _one_ passenger…

Padmé was having a very difficult time shielding herself with the façade of diplomacy and regality as more blood rushed to her cheeks, “Obi-Wan…” She trailed off, not wanting to touch the subject, “There is only one seat in your ship… There it would only be suitable for one person.”

“Now, now… _Senator_ … Just because there is one seat does not mean it can only fit one person. There is _plenty_ of room.”

He greeted his red astromech, R4, as he prepared the ship to use, opening the windowed dome to the cockpit bearing the single seat.

She shook her head, as she followed him. Raising her eyebrow, her voice was soaked with sarcasm, “You say that as if you speak from experience…”

Turning toward her, his deep blue eyes were open wide by surprise from her remark, “I’d never take any woman into my cockpit!”

Obi-Wan jumped in his seat, pressing the buttons and controls as he talked to R4 about where they were headed next, to her apartment. She had never had any man there before… Well, besides her staff, but that does not necessarily count… Clovis never came to her apartment either, she wanted her life to be separate from her work and… even personal matters. And Obi-Wan was not going to really come in, unless he wanted to, but he had other things to tend to, so he probably did not need to come inside.

“Are you going to stand there and glare at me or go home?” His Coruscanti accent was quite strong with his twisted sarcasm and humor, just as he used it with her years ago to make her laugh. It did make her smile, ever so slightly…

“Well…” She placed her fingers between her chin with a childish smirk, “It’s not every day a Senator gets to ride on a Jedi…”

Padmé neared the ship and proceeded to easily climb into the cockpit and into his lap without any struggle. She had managed to fit despite the many layers she wore and the large skirt that filled in the rest of whatever space remained for her to sit. Her back leaned into his warm, firm chest as she hugged her torso to prevent touching any of the buttons by mistake. Obi-Wan had no place to put his hands other than around her waist after he put on the headset to communicate with R4.

He could not use any of the controls to start the ship. There was only his droid, because she was in the way. Not that it really mattered, Obi-Wan would not have been able to concentrate on the controls with the beautiful woman in his lap anyways, so regardless it was better this way.

As the dome closed on top of them, they realized that the air was much warmer and stuffier than they had anticipated. For they were breathing and using the same air, and with their nervousness and close proximity to each other, the blood rushed throughout their bodies as the ship twirled through the skyscrapers of Coruscant. They did not really say a word, how could they in a time like this? They had never really been this close to each other before in such a…. particular way. It was rather awkward and yet, they both enjoyed it at the same time despite the fact they would never really realize or admit to it.

When Obi-Wan yelled at R4 to make a last minute turn, causing them to abruptly shift, he steadied her with his hands at her hips, making her almost tremble. But she looked back at him, knowing her headdress was in front of him the entire time. Little did she know how close they were once she turned, because their noses touched, causing both of them to nearly lose their breath. The startled Senator quickly turned around to face the front to avoid losing it, her headdress whacking him directly in the face, with a sharp slap causing him to yelp.

“Blast!” He cursed under his breath, loud enough for both the astromech and woman to hear.

R4 beeped as if they were laughing at the situation. However, Padmé felt truly terrible for what had just happened and carefully turned around to look at him again with sorrow in her eyes, “Obi-Wan! Please forgive me, I sometimes underestimate how large my hair can be in these pieces. I am usually not in close proximity to others like…” She trailed off as he sheepishly smiled at her, the youthfulness from their times on Naboo still present on his aged features, noticeable enough to where she almost lost her train of thought, “… this.”

“If you are going to look in a direction, choose one.” He stated as his lips were only a few centimeters from hers.

Padmé gulped nervously.

She had never kissed anyone with a beard before… Oh how she secretly wished to know what it would feel like!

Their eyes were interlocked for several seconds as they both debated about what they would do next, but the ship landed on her balcony with the Captain and her handmaidens waiting. In just an instant, they snapped back into their realities where she was a Senator and he was a Jedi. They felt each other’s emotions – they sensed it within their very core, yet they did not know how to address them.

How could they?

Everyone ran up to the ship to retrieve her as Obi-Wan helped her stand and climb down the ship. After they gathered her, he decided to step down and talk to Captain Typho about what had just happened in front of Rex’s Diner. But the beeping from his comlink prevented him from speaking.

Clicking the button, he greeted the caller, “Kenobi speaking.”

“Greetings, Kenobi. We were informed about the assassination attempt on Senator Amidala and that you were involved. Are both of you alright?” Master Mace Windu’s voice beamed from the comlink, full with flatness with just a hint of curiosity beneath the surface.

“Yes, Master. I was visiting an old friend during my down time and happened to be present when Senator Amidala jumped from the perpetrator’s speeder and I stopped her fall just in time.” Obi-Wan responded with clarity in his voice, glancing up at the Senator who was speaking with her handmaidens that were fixing her dress.

Without him knowing, she turned back to look at him standing against the cityscape in his Jedi robes, his face stern and serious.

Master Windu cleared his throat, almost as if he knew that Obi-Wan Kenobi was distracted. Focusing back on the current event at hand, the Jedi Master continued. “We just finished speaking with the Chancellor and he strongly suggested that a Jedi watch over her for the night until this situation is resolved. Since you happen to be a good friend and you are already at her quarters, the Council suggested that your presence be requested.”

“That is perfectly fine, Master. I am there now with Senator Amidala’s staff and security.”

“Good. We will be expecting you to brief the Council tomorrow morning. I’ll tell Skywalker you will not be back until tomorrow.”

Anakin.

“Master?” Obi-Wan hesitated about this, but he knew it was necessary to ensure that the boy would not be distracted… Or even jealous, “Make sure that Anakin does not know I am with the Senator.”

“Of course. This matter has only been discussed with the Chancellor and the Jedi Council. It is to remain secret.”

“Very well,” Obi-Wan nodded as he acknowledged Master Windu’s words, “Until then…”

“May the Force be will you, Master Kenobi.”

“You as well, Master Windu.” He bid him a farewell before the device beeped, signaling that he had left the conversation.

Obi-Wan Kenobi briefed Captain Typho about the situation as Padmé was taken away by her handmaidens to do gods knows what... But he could feel her anxiety from the other side of the apartment from the other side of the door to her bedroom, and even a sense of confusion? Regardless, he knew that this situation was quite a scare for her and if he had not been there at the right time, her jump could have ended her life.

_Why did she do it?_ He thought. She must have done it knowing that her life would end upon impact… Unless she knew someone was going to be there and save her…

The Jedi shook his head at this nonsense. She was not force sensitive – doing something dangerous and life ending with the preeminent knowledge that someone would be there waiting to save her would give him that indication. But it was impossible… unless the Force was strong with her regardless of her sensitivity to it, which could have been the case. So maybe it was possible she was strong with the Force, but maybe in a different way.

The sun had begun its quick descent beyond the horizon, causing the polluted sky brimming with exhaust and aerosols to scatter the angled light just enough to portray yet another beautiful sunset with intense colors of pink and orange with lovely hints of salmon. It reminded him of that final sunset he saw during his last evening of Naboo – it was the last night he had spent with her after meeting on the Nubian space yacht destined for a no-good dust ball on the depths of the Outer Rim.

But watching her step out of her room in her casual attire of a silk nightdress with her natural caf-colored curls down the square of her back, he realized that even lovely things spring out of desolate places. It was then he had met a young queen who was mourning the state of her planet as she cleaned a droid that would become her friend, where he would sneak her a comlink so they could keep each other sane, only for him to realize who she really was – deep down. From the dust grew a beautiful rose of Naboo, a relationship they both treasured so much they did not want to water it too much, for it could die.

But the sparse moments they watered it were truly cherished, whether it be a brief smile upon passing each other in the Senate building or gardens or it be situations like this. They secretly treasured them despite all the chaos of the galaxy that abounded consistently in their lives. It was merely a friendship, nothing more, because attachments were forbidden.

Yet Obi-Wan Kenobi felt the roots go deeper more and more as time wore on and more water was added. The more he looked at her, the more roots there were in the barren soil, and he wondered how much more they could penetrate the earth until it was too attached for it to leave. He did not want to know, only that he was glad to see his friend grow into a politician that he _actually_ admired and trusted with his life, and she hers.

He sat alone in the living space on leather couches facing one another as she discussed the security plans for the evening with her staff and handmaidens. There would be guards outside her door, but nothing more because the Jedi could sense all the presences in and around her apartment throughout the entirety of the night. He would need a lot of caf for this. Thanks to his friend, she introduced it to him on the way back from Tatooine to this very planet as his new Padawan slept under layers of blankets in the corner. He had been stealthily addicted ever since, well not addicted, but not having any caf in the morning entailed a morning full of headaches from fifteen year-old Anakin and he avoided them at all costs.

Once the beloved Senator dismissed the remaining of her reluctant staff, she retired to the living area to find her friend sitting on the couch with his eyes closed and hands on his lap – meditating on the spot. She turned around to leave him, but he opened his eyes to see her back.

“You are not intruding, Senator, do not worry.” He could not help but smile at her.

She returned the gesture, placing a curly lock behind her ear with the happiness in her sparkling eyes, “Alright.” She took a deep breath as her petite shoulders moved with her, “I think a day like this calls for some wine.”

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrow, surprised by her remark. She really was not the young woman he had met during a blockade crisis of Naboo. She was now the former queen of Naboo and the Senator of Naboo and the entire Chommell Sector – she was a full-fledged grown woman. It seemed she had moved on from an evening caf to an evening glass of wine. Not that he protested, he loved a good red wine on a quiet evening, but it would not be as satisfying on in evening in which he vowed to protect her. He could not let his guard down; however one glass could not hurt either of them, especially since they had a couple years of catching up to do since they saw each other last in the Senate building just a few months after she had started her term as Senator.

“I wholeheartedly agree,” he stretched his arms before standing and following her into her magnificent kitchen.

His ocean eyes widened at the sight of an entire wall dedicated to the storage of wine bottles. He did not blame her – if he was a Senator for the Galactic Republic, he was quite sure that it would quickly lead him to a rash spout of alcoholism. Caf would not be enough to alleviate stress; in fact sometimes the caffeine would cause more anxiety.

Padmé’s porcelain gown dragged on the marble floors of the kitchen as she partially pulled out bottles to observe the labels before putting them back. The pale off-white color of the gown contrasted her olive skin and dark hair, making her even more striking. Obi-Wan even noticed the bareness of her back as he followed behind her, making him catch his own breath. But he stopped himself, trying to be one with the Force as he watched her concentrate. Clicking her tongue and placing her hand on her chin, she was deep in thought, oblivious to Obi-Wan’s eyes and wanting to make sure that she found the best and oldest wine she had for her honored guest. Why? Because she did not want this assignment to seem like a burden or a job. If anything, the woman longed to see her friend again, for it to be like old times for his sake, for her sake.

After a few minutes, she eventually pulled out two bottles of red wine – most of her collection consisted of dark reds, which impressed the Jedi as he observed each of the bottles quite carefully. He could sense the conflict in her, not knowing which one to open first and he could not blame her. It was better seeing her stress over which bottle of wine to open over a vote in the Senate, which she obviously was not able to make, unless…

Oh, yeah. Jar Jar…

Looking at both of the bottles by the tilt of her head, she looked up at him and took a few steps closer, “What are you feeling? An Alderaanian dry red with hints of their mountain berries or a Naboo sweet red with hints of Theed nectar?”

_Her._ He involuntarily thought in his sub-consciousness before he could even stop it and he _hated_ himself for it, truly.

_Jedi must not form attachments._ He told himself over and over again.

He was so deep in his thoughts that Padmé stepped even closer to him to get in his view, “Obi-Wan? Did you hear me? Are you alright?”

Startled, he focused on her lovely face again, “I gravely apologize, Senator.” He ran his fingers through his longer hair – Oh, she wondered what it would be like to run hers through it… “I think a wine from your home planet is in order. I have heard the vineyards of the Naboo hills are the talk of the galaxy and the wine is quite difficult to come by…”

“The sweet red it is!” She held up the bottle and placed the other one back with a clink of glass hitting the wood before she found the cabinet with the wine glasses, only they were too high for her to reach. Before she could ask Obi-Wan to reach for them, he had beaten her to it. His chest pressed against her bare back and entire body, causing her to instinctively shiver from his touch.

He stepped back before anything else could flood him with emotion – he couldn’t, he wouldn’t.

Padmé walked past him and towards the living room with a jaunt in her step, ready to taste the sweet liquid once again and to finally relax with a familiar, warm presence. The moment she opened the bottle, the aromas filled the room and she closed her eyes, envisioning herself in Varykino in the Naboo Lake Country. But she opened them, realizing who was there with her, his deep blue eyes searching for her. She had not been home in nearly two years, and had tried to find it here in her apartment and taking strolls through a myriad of gardens on the upper-levels of the planet. Yet for the first time in a long time, she looked at the man in front of her and felt like she was finally home.

And she hadn’t seen him in years!

She told herself that she was crazy as she opened the bottles and poured both of the glasses nearly to the top.

Kenobi realized how much was in there and knew it was too much, “Senator…” He attempted to protest, but she handed him a glass with a warm smile.

“Obi-Wan, I really would appreciate it if you would not call me that. You are not a colleague.” She held up the full glass, the red liquid glimmering in the light.

“To staying alive,” she declared, making a toast.

“And outsmarting the capturers every time.” He added to her statement with a smirk, raising his glass to clink against her own.

And they drank – more than a glass of wine. Enough to tap into the second bottle they had considered. They talked and laughed about Anakin’s rashness and cockiness, not to make fun of him, but to see how he had grown up and how he still was a kid before everything fell apart. Slowly, but surely they gradually moved closer to one another sipping and sipping like the night was not supposed to end. Obi-Wan actually had a high tolerance of red wine, but after this glass it was enough. His duty came first and he most importantly knew that given the circumstances before him.

He was not sure if it was the aroma of the wine or her, but whatever it was, it was entirely intoxicating to the point where he could not stop inhaling it. He wanted more and more. It also seemed that the Senator had a high tolerance, too, as if she had been drinking bottles of wine quite frequently by herself, which she would not ever admit to. She was not an alcoholic, per se, but she knew how to hold down her alcohol quite well. Both had consumed enough to the point where they were blatantly open with each other, talking about previous affairs, particularly Satine.

“Did you ever sleep with her?” She asked him.

He looked at the last of the glass, regretting many things he wished had done with Satine, the woman he would never admit that he loved. It plagued him every single day, “Never even kissed her.”

Padmé turned her head as if she was studying him, “Have you ever kissed anyone?” She asked quite honestly, sincerity etched into her deep brown eyes.

Obi-Wan did not want to admit this, for he felt too embarrassed to talk of these personal things in front of her when she had so much more experience. His lack of response gave her a clear answer, “Not even platonically? Like a friend?”

He sighed, placing the unfinished glass on the caf table in front of them, their faces close, “No.”

Everything about her was tempting at this point. It took everything within his being to think of anything else, or even distract himself. Obi-Wan even used the Force to try to get a grip, yet it did not let him. Suddenly he was slipping. He wondered how soft her skin was or whether she had anything on under her silk gown, but he quickly snapped out of it. However, it was not fast enough for her not to notice the feelings stirring within him – the temptation.

He had so many regrets in his life when it came to the woman he loved – and one of his closest friends was here with him now, this would probably be the only moment he would ever have to experience something like this with a woman so beautiful. The Jedi was tired of dwelling on the past and desperately needed to focus on what was in front of him.

She was stressed because people were always after her life and because she felt like the democracy she had been fighting for was being compromised because of the disputes across the galaxy. He had the ‘Chosen One’ to train. There was a sense of tension that had built up over the years and they _needed this –_ two friends releasing steam.

She neared him, her finished glass in her hand, smelling of Naboo roses and sweet wine, drawing him closer and closer to the point where there was no control. They were in the middle of a grass field in the midst of the worst drought in centuries, yet they ignited a match that caused a fire burning bigger than they could have possibly imagined. No amount of water would quench it.

Their eyes never left each other, their breaths harsh as their hearts hammered in their chests, the fire made it unbearably hot beyond their belief.

It was just lust, that’s all it was.

Or was it?

“Obi-Wan?” She looked at him, her eyes serious as she wondered whether she was crossing any boundaries. Padmé feared that she had ruined whatever friendship they had by asking too many intimate and personal questions to the friend she trusted the most.

Even in the end, when she could not even trust her husband years later.

But he already knew, what she was asking before she even said anything. They were good friends, and that was all it was. There was no attachment other than the memories of friendship they had over the years. Who knew when he would see her next?

Before he could respond to her, his soft lips desperately crashed into hers as his beard tickled the crevices of her face, her arms wrapping around his neck as she was taken by surprise from his gesture – it was firm yet, sweet, making it even more intoxicating than the wine they drank. However, she tasted better than the sweet wine and it was nothing like he had ever experienced before, leaving him wanting more and more. Her fingers restlessly rummaged through his red, thick hair as their lips never left each other. He opened his mouth wishing to taste more and more of the forbidden fruit and she obliged, the fire burning within her as his hand lingered on the strap of her gown, slowly drifting towards her supple breast.

Moving the strap down her shoulder, her single breast was revealed to him, making the blood in his body rush somewhere he had not felt in quite some time. She was addictive and he could not get enough. Soon his lips traveled off of her lips to her jaw, soft caressing her with each one, leaving a permanent burning mark as he moved to her neck, down to her collarbone and to her nipple, which the overtly sensitive skin hardened from the contact as he gently sucked her.

She could not help but release an instinctive moan as she tightened the grip of his longer hair, as no man had ever done this to her before.

She wanted him.

He wanted her.

No strings attached.

And they thought they weren’t breaking the rules.

✦✦✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! It's about time that there be some action (even though it's in the past). Please leave a comment or kudos - it goes a long way and gives me motivation to keep writing! I appreciate the feedback! Shoutout to Kelsey for being my first reviewer - you're awesome!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, as I enjoyed writing it. Stay safe & healthy during these difficult times!
> 
> \- writtenmusings x


	8. Seven ✦

✦✦✦

Desire consumed them. It burned stronger than any raging supernova at the time. And they let this newfound explosion consume their souls more than any possible thing around them, to the point that he forgot he was a Jedi and she forgot she was a Senator – just two humans that wanted each other more than anything.

Obi-Wan Kenobi brushed the other strap of her off-white, eggshell silk gown off of her other shoulder, revealing her bare chest for his blue eyes to see. He stopped kissing her chest to look at her, realizing her had made marks all over her neck, collarbone, and her right breast. But she was beautiful – her brown eyes boiling like fresh caf, her chocolate hair wild and tasseled as if she was a goddess, the smile from her swollen pink lips only beckoned him for more.

Padmé Naberrie Amidala looked at him soaking in her aura, her happiness her contentment, almost as if the gape of her heart had been fulfilled with his presence. She could not tear her eyes away from the man she had grown to admire from the moment they met when cleaning Artoo years ago. His bright blue eyes were like waterfalls, reminding her of home, auburn hair full of warmth of the sunshine in the countryside, with a smirk that made her heart melt before her eyes.

Before both of them could blink, their lips met once again, feverishly as if they only had a limited time to commit these sins without feeling any sort of guilt or consequence. This behavior was unlike the both of them – impulsive and downright foolish! Yet being together somehow altered their thought processes altogether. In fact, they _felt_ something within themselves they had never felt before and whatever this energy-like feeling was, this light, it felt so terribly _right._ They did not quite realize it at this moment, however, this was something that was far greater than them – a moment where a door opened and could not possibly be shut again, even if they tried.

They explored and soaked in this moment and each other – their Force signatures rejoiced in this surprised reunion.

Knowing she had exposed herself, Padmé trembled as his lips went back to her neck and his beard brushed against her most sensitive skin. Her shaking hands went to his belt, where she unlatched it and threw it on the table, the lightsaber on the caf table next to their wine. He did not protest, no, he growled at her action, which led her fingers to his Jedi robes as she attempted to open them. He helped her by taking off his robe and what was underneath, revealing his chiseled torso that was the result of years of training, with copper hairs adorning his chest. The woman gulped at the realization that this was not an ordinary person (well he was a Jedi, but that isn’t the point…), he was a full-fledged _man._

Oh how she wanted his bare chest to be against hers!

He somehow read her mind and toppled her over to a corner of pillows at the end of the couch and they devoured each other’s faces, feeling their own skin touch the others, something that felt so foreign had also felt so perfectly right after years of being apart. She felt the firmness of his body over her, something that once looked intimidating, but also made her feel safe. There was also firmness between her legs, pressing against her through her dress, making her release a faint whimper as he thrusted his hips against her own.

It was not his lightsaber.

She adjusted herself so it would hit the perfect spot and when it did, another involuntary cry escaped her lips and into his face. He smirked at her but stopped his movements to give her a brief kiss.

“ _Darling_ , would you like me to show you how it’s done?” He whispered in her ear, his accent emphasized in the _a_ of the first word he spoke, his voice velvety and sultry like melting butter.

She nearly lost her breath at the term of endearment he gave to her and how the tone of his voice enchanted her like music to her ears, “O- Obi-Wan! Did they teach this to you at the Temple?”

“No,” he responded as his voice a bit more stern now, “but imagining what I have wanted to do to you over the years has gifted me _plenty_ of experience.”

She had no words escape her mouth, only cries as he pushed himself into her, the wetness soaking through her dress. He took the rest of the dress off of her, only to realize that she never but anything on underneath and that she was completely exposed. Mountains grew across the depths of her skin, goosebumps as his eyes glazed all over her. He wanted to make sure he was to please her first, because something within the pits of his thoughts, no feelings, told him that no man had ever sought for her sole pleasure before and he wanted to be first to do it.

He towered over her, his muscular arms embracing her has his lips lightly touched hers, only to migrate down her neck, her breasts, her stomach, below her belly button, and suddenly she realized what he was doing and as he travelled further and further, she spread her legs, his dark blue eyes never leaving hers.

His lips kissed the lips below her hips and he parted them, revealing the one thing he wanted to lavish – he kissed the perfect spot that brought her cries, causing her to nearly lose her composure. Before his tongue could taste her, his comlink beeped from the table.

Suddenly reality slapped them hard in the face.

Padmé abruptly sat up, closing her legs and covered herself with a pillow and her arms in shame as Obi-Wan tied his robes back together. During these quick few seconds the comlink continued to beep until he quickly turned it on. The woman stood, hastily putting the dress on before she ran to her quarters and closed the door.

“This is Obi-Wan Kenobi speaking,” his voice was stern and professional, almost like the moment had not occurred, yet the blush was still fresh on his cheeks.

The person cleared their voice over the intercom, “Yes, Master Jedi, this is Captain Typho, checking in. There is no suspicious activity around Senator Amidala’s apartment or in it. My men have swept all of the floors and have closed down the perimeter. There are no suspicious activities in her apartment, correct?”

Obi-Wan’s heart nearly fluttered at his words.

Yes there was, just now!

“Well… After a couple of hours observing her quarters…” Obi-Wan trailed off, buying him a couple of seconds to connect himself with the Force to get a feel of her apartment. There was nothing out of the ordinary, other than a woman who was taking a… very cold shower in her quarters, “There is no suspicious activity at the moment, Captain. Do make sure to contact me throughout the night and keep me updated as I will be awake.”

“Very well…” And the Captain beeped out, leaving a confused Jedi alone with a very confused Senator.

What had happened just now?

He internally cursed at himself upon the realization of what had just occurred, yet the passionate memories consumed him – his skin flushed, sweat gathering at his brow, throbbing in an area he was not accustomed to… Obi-Wan looked at her closed door, hearing the rushing of the cold water as the woman soothed her senses, also pondering what had happened between the two of them, wondering if he would open the doors of her quarters and join her in the cold rushing showers.

_Should I go in?_ He thought… _Should I join her?_

Oh… He _wanted_ to and he hated himself for it.

Before Obi-Wan could soak in his own guilt, he contacted the Captain again, “Captain, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I do not sense that the Senator is in any danger this evening and would like to make a perimeter sweep of her apartment building, if that is permissible. If you could send some of her handmaidens to watch her in her living quarters while I sit outside of her apartment after I finish taking the precautions. I will then keep watch over the entirety of her living quarters – that would be very much appreciated.”

His feelings could not cloud his judgement – the further away from her, the better.

He hastily cleaned the living space and vanished any evidence of their encounter quite meticulously to the point where the Senator walked out of her sleeping quarters with wet, curly hair and a thicker nightgown adorned with wool robes, blush still apparent on her cheeks – only that her handmaidens were sitting on the couches waiting for her, no empty wine bottles and glasses in sight.

And he was gone.

The cold water had washed it all away.

✦✦✦

The moment the broken woman tore from his embrace, he looked at her in the deep sorrow of her eyes. Yes, the tears had vanished, but the hopelessness and pain were unfortunately still there. He knew the moment he had used the Force to save her fall brought her back to that very moment years ago – before there was a war, before she fell in love with Anakin, before they had both lost everything. She knew this for Obi-Wan, too. They both knew this, it was like someone had told them or that their thoughts were somewhat connected in a strange way… When he grabbed her and held her almost lifeless body in his arms, she realized that she would have regretted jumping in the afterlife, that it would have been foolish and shameful. In a way, she was acting on impulse and not with a clear head that had been muddled with trauma and empty lies and promises.

She longed to live a life to escape all the pain, but it was merely impossible to avoid the past and shove it away in a dark corner to ignore, because it always sneaks up at you without you realizing it until you are drowning in agonizing memories and it is too late. Padmé Amidala was stronger than this – she _had_ to be! Her life was dwindling on a very thin piece of thread, and they both knew it.

She did not know what could give her enough hope.

But surprisingly Obi-Wan Kenobi did.

He cupped her face in his calloused hands and realized the words he would say during the aftermath of these vulnerable moments would make a lasting impact for the rest of their lives and that he needed to tread carefully, “Let us get out of the house.” He whispered, wiping a small tear with his finger from her eye, “There is something that I must show you.”

Padmé had not left the premises since she had been here, it would do her good.

She nodded her head very slowly in response, and he took her hand in his and guided her down the stairs, not letting her out of his sight as he put on more robes over his and her body. The more layers, the better, because it would be quite cold once they started their trip back home. Tatooinian sunsets took longer than average sunsets on the standard planet of Coruscant – which was the basis of the entire Galactic calendar and time structure – and this gave Kenobi plenty of time to show the woman what she needed to see.

The suns were not even below the horizon as he loaded the speeder with whatever water they had left and a blanket to cover the shivering woman. He never let go of her hand when he did this, and when he got into the driving seat next to her to start the vehicle and steer it out of the Jundland Wastes, he had to release her. But the absence of any sort of contact caused the woman to almost panic and she took hold of his arm out of desperation. He did not think anything of it as she held him close to her – Obi-Wan had just saved her life and things would have been quite different now than around ten minutes ago.

He drove through the dark canyon as the light from the sky transformed to a lovely magenta and purple, the stars of the sky starting to reveal themselves. Padmé looked up as she held Obi-Wan’s arm close to her, wanting to feel some sort of warmth as she shivered relentlessly. The dry air brushed past both of their glowing faces from the setting suns that allowed this side of the planet to sleep before the gruesome heat would return again. They sped through the endless desert planet, maneuvering through nooks and very specific turns. Padmé soon realized that Obi-Wan had taken this journey before; it was so precise and specific that she realized that it had been done many times.

As Obi-Wan made another turn, he glanced at the woman who was soaking in the landscapes in front of her. It was much flatter here – like there was once a large lake there – the dusty flatlands of salt soared past them as they reflected the warm lights of the sunset. She closed her eyes as the lights of the descending suns gleamed over her face, and for the first time in a long time Obi-Wan felt her searching for the wanders of the universe beyond feeling the light. She was trying to find a purpose in all of this, despite it all, and he knew that she would soon find it. Her grip tightened around him as she soaked in all the light around her, realizing the heat beaming from both him and the suns were what reminded her that she was indeed alive.

She wanted to end her life because she knew it was destined to end soon. After what she had been told once she regained consciousness, Padmé knew there was limited time left. The Force had a plan, that she had been told, but to what extent? What difference could she make with a short period of time when she could just put herself out of her misery when there was nothing to live for but the past, the memories of the Jedi Master besides her and the pain from many in her life? She wanted to understand this, she truly did. But there was nothing she could do.

She had to tell him… at some point.

Suddenly, something came into their view across the _very_ flat horizon – a little dome. It almost reminded her of… She sat up as it came closer and closer into view, and the memories came flooding back, only there were two silhouettes standing outside of the dome in the distance, with vaporators coming into view as well.

He knew they were always out during this time of day, where the temperatures were nearly perfect for the couple to stand outside with the child to watch the suns set after dinner. Lars would shut everything down as Beru would hold the boy close to her in blankets. Based on how she was holding him, he had grown considerably from the moment he first brought him to her. Obi-Wan felt the Force was strong with him, just as it was for his former friend – he felt Anakin’s strength and Padmé’s spirit and it broke his heart in a way, because those two people would never be together again.

Padmé smiled, seeing that they had a child. Beru was excitedly talking about marriage when she crossed paths with Padmé when she was here last, when _he_ was trying to find his mother. Now they had a child, and the thought of that made her smile, because they were happy.

Now, you’re probably wondering – why did I not write about Obi-Wan’s frequent travels to the Lars Homestead where he lingered at a distance in the shadows? Well, dear reader, I did not include this piece of information, because I wrote with the intent that you all already knew Obi-Wan was on Tatooine to watch the boy and did not find including the visits essential until absolutely necessary.

In this case, this is.

Tears threatened to trail the fallen Senator’s eyes as the woman in the shadows bounced up and down with the baby in her arms. Padmé could have had this life with her children if they were not taken away from her, but Luke and Leia were gone. The galaxy thought she died carrying the baby that would threaten the entire Empire itself, yet they survived and the fact she had to live without them broke her heart. They could hear the coos and the laughs coming from the woman as Owen watched her. The Lars couple did not know that Obi-Wan and Padmé were there in the distance, watching quite painfully. The woman nearly broke again at this point, once again, sobs accumulating in her throat as they wanted to escape…

She wondered why Obi-Wan brought her here – was it to torture her or to make a point? She did not know or understand.

It pained Obi-Wan to see her this way, it truly did. But he hoped showing her this sight would at least give her hope and bring her to the realization that there is a bigger purpose at-hand, that her existence for these children she once carried could allow her spirit to continue on for generations. He watched her as she observed the couple from a distance, tears finally overflowing from her eyes. With his fingers, he wiped them from her face, causing her to look up at him – the sorrow slapping him in the face.

“Padmé…” He finally spoke to her as she looked into his eyes, where she also saw and _felt_ his sadness. “I know there is not much hope left… and that everything has imploded to a shattering state of darkness and tyranny. Everything you had dedicated your life to has vanished – the democracy you rightfully and desperately fought to uphold, your home and family, peace for other trillions of sentients, Anakin…” He trailed off, realizing the pain that followed saying his name for the first time since he was on the raging pits of Mustafar….

_You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you._

A sob finally escaped her causing her to look down at her lap as her body shook from the pain within her heart.

It was a dark place.

An overwhelming wave of emotion overcame him, and he felt compelled enough to take hold of her shoulders for her to meet his eyes.

Suddenly he felt like he was the young Padawan drifting through the depths of hyperspace upon meeting the eyes of the handmaiden for the first time… and the many memories flashed before his eyes.

Their eyes.

“… But your children.” He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, because her sorrow somehow hurt him, too, and he could not explain it.

Well I can, but we will get to that later.

“Look at them, their child. Do you know what his name is?” He whispered, as she turned to look at the baby in Beru’s arms.

Padmé did not have to wonder or ponder the answer of his question as she watched him.

She felt it and this realization struck her with emotions so large, powerful, and forceful like a towering tsunami.

“Luke!” She almost screamed, with tears trailing down her eyes.

But these were not tears of sorrow, dear reader. No, they were tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of hope – hope that had been dying in the darkness for such a long time, even after she would sit and meditate as she thought about bounding light of the stars. With these tears, the withering rose of Naboo was watered once again for the first time in years. It would take a considerable amount of time for it to recover, but once it did, it would grow into something far more beautiful than they could ever imagine.

She thanked the Force, but also Obi-Wan Kenobi with an embrace he had not felt from her in a long time.

✦✦✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Sorry I meant to write so I could post on May 4th, but other things got in the way – like the last and final Clone Wars episode and having a marathon of all the Star Wars films. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have liked this story so far – leaving a comment goes a long way, especially when finding motivation to write during these difficult times.
> 
> Shout out to Annon, Kelsey, and supernova01 for leaving feedback on my last chapter! You all are great and your feedback made me smile :3
> 
> May the Force be with you! x


	9. Eight ✦

✦✦✦

“My sweet Luke,” the mother whispered with the whistling winds, as she held the man close to her.

As much as she wanted to hate Obi-Wan Kenobi, she truly could not anymore. There are first steps for everyone, and this was most definitely more like a leap forward. Yes, he had confronted Anakin on Mustafar, but there was so much more to the entirety of his demise that she had not noticed before. And pulling away from her embrace, she looked at the Jedi Master in front of her, his beard quickly growing back and the woman took Obi-Wan’s face in her hands where she finally saw the shame and guilt that had been lingering in the folds of his features over these past few months, and in a way it also broke her but somehow mended her heart together?

How can this be?

Well, for starters, she realized that he had been attempting to cope with such intense loss and pain, too, but even when she was at her worst he had helped her. Yet, these overbearing and seemingly unbearable memories and emotions that haunted him had also plagued her. Despite the fact that she also lost everything, there was a startling epiphany that dawned to her in the midst of the Tatooinian flatlands of dusk: she was not alone and she never would be.

The goodness of Anakin lived on through Padmé and Obi-Wan, but also his children and their son was right in front of her – she somehow felt that the Force was strong with him. Upon all of these revelations, there was something else that crossed her mind as tears continued to fall from her eyes, the man watching her with such sincerity and devotion… Luke was the hope for the entire galaxy, for he would be the one to bring balance to the Force, the goodness in her son could bring Anakin back when she and Obi-Wan could and would not. He, along with his sister, would be the one to end this crippling darkness that had managed to consume everything in its path.

The Sith thought they were winning, but one day it will be over once and for all.

She knew – there is good in Anakin and he would come back.

And this blossoming hope seeped through the depths of her soul, giving her a sense of peace that had been absent from her life for so long – and this was enough for her to stay alive, to watch her son grow from the distance. She knew exactly what she had to do, and with all the anger and confusion and guilt that constantly followed her like an omnipresent shadow, she rightfully understood that this newly ignited flame would be enough, and this incandescent light was brought to her because of the man who took her here.

“Thank you, Obi-Wan.” She breathed, exhaling as the words left her mouth.

He turned his head in confusion, “What must you thank me for?” The man paused, turning to look at the boy, “You deserve to know why we are here.”

“I know…” Padmé lowered the pitch of her voice as she absorbed the presence of her son, “… but thank you… For having faith in me when I failed to have any faith in myself.”

“As I have learned from you, ‘we cannot always dwell on the past. We must continue to walk on our paths for the sake of not just ourselves, but others.’”

He _still_ remembered those words she said to him all of those years ago on Naboo – after they thought all of the chaos was over.

A grin curled her lips upward, giving him the indication that she knew what words he was referring to. Padmé still had a lasting impact on Obi-Wan, whether he would like to admit it or not…

They watched as the couple played with the boy as the suns descended beyond the flatlands, and they quickly descended with them into the havens of their home, ending another day with slumber. But something else was awakened on this very day, the former Senator rested her head on the man’s shoulder as exhaustion had completely consumed her. This was not a romantic gesture, no, but an act of acknowledgement they both had for each other. For they could now be vulnerable enough with one another to express their emotions through platonic social interactions – after denial comes acceptance.

After not sleeping the night before, this was probably the longest day of their lives.

They were ready to return home – _their_ home.

As they sped through the chilling desert, the vast landscape of purple rocks of twilight swiftly brushed past them just as the evening winds tasseled the loose hairs around their faces. They could hear the cracking of the cooling rocks over the hums of the speeder, almost as if the planet itself was greeting the arrival of the night sky, the innumerable stars of the galaxy greeting the surface once again.

Padmé looked up as she still rested her head on his shoulder and she found her star glowing brighter than ever – even if the whole galaxy thought she was dead, it still wore on…

All traces of daylight had faded by the time they got home; the stars blanketed the sky like white paint splattered all over a dark canvas. It was enthralling enough to the point that Padmé had fallen asleep on Obi-Wan, watching every single one of them and feeling the joy that their twinkling lights gave her, knowing that there was more, it was merely a couple hours away on a speeder. Attempting not to wake her, he carried her to their bedroom and placed her on her side of the bed, taking off her shoes and wrapping her in more wool blankets as she shivered. Before turning out of the room to continue on with his chores he missed earlier that day, he looked at her face to find a slight upward curve on her lips and he realized that she would have at least one night with some decent sleep.

That thought made him smile.

Despite his exhaustion Obi-Wan spent his last half hour awake, collecting water from the vaporators and tinkering with vaporator parts in the basement where he had found a pack of seeds he bought a couple weeks back, when she had mentioned that she wanted to start a garden. Finishing with the last of the repairs, he took the packet with him and placed it on the kitchen table for her to see in the morning. It would give her something to do in the midst of all of the raw emotions she was experiencing and she would feel like she would have more purpose. He also made it a point for her to learn how the vaporators worked, but that would be for another day and the man desperately needed sleep.

After bathing and changing into fresh robes, he looked at himself in the mirror, realizing that he needed to shave to at least look different from the man he once was – the shaved version was still somewhat foreign to him. But he would save that for tomorrow. Once his burnt orange hair hit the pillow, his eyes closed, knowing the woman beside him was still breathing.

That was enough for now.

✦✦✦

Sometimes no matter how much Obi-Wan Kenobi ran… the darkness would still find him. Not the temptation to turn to the dark side, but pain, loss, and suffering, everything that came with the dark side would somehow sneak through the cracks. This was the reality for every Jedi, for the wages of peace were many series of discord and distress; fighting it entailed that it would linger with them.

Especially nightmares.

Despite the fact Obi-Wan Kenobi was a master at keeping his emotions at bay; his weaknesses that hid from his suppression would come out of their catacombs thanks to his keen skills of compartmentalization through his nightmares. Watching Satine or Qui-Gon die at the hands of Maul was a repetitive nightmare that kept him on his toes and it would pain him every time, especially if it occurred in the same dream, which was like torture. Sometimes he would wake with swollen eyes that would give him the indication that he was crying in his sleep with sweat gathering at his brow and soaking the sheets. But the ones of fighting Anakin, in particular, were exceptionally the worst, because his brother was lost and he was the reason he burned and was more machine than man. Before Obi-Wan would die at the hands of Darth Vader, he would always wake with a shriek.

Let me make this very clear… Obi-Wan did not hate Maul or Anakin… who was now Vader at that point. No, the worst part of those dreams was the fact that he had lost those who were closest to him. He did not fear the darkness, no, it pained him to see the very _pain_ of death in their eyes – at the burning ignitions of lightsabers or the flames of Mustafar…

Padmé never heard him because he always slept somewhere else before she figured out this was the only bedroom in the house. Perhaps the real reason why he wished to sleep alone was because he did not want her to see him in such a desolate state for her sake, but also to prevent himself from further embarrassment.

However, it was inevitable.

She woke to him tossing, turning, and thrashing in the sheets in the midst of the worst of his nightmares. Turning towards him, his face was covered in sweat and distressed, even with his eyes closed in slumber, he was mouthing things, his lips in a horrified pout as the lines of his face bore true loss around his forehead, eyes, his pink lips.

“No… No! Do not take them from me!” His voice bellowed in the darkness as winds harshly whistled around the hut

Another dust storm.

Suddenly he began hyperventilating, his chest and stomach convulsing with his shallow and quickened breaths. It scared her to see him this way, she did not know what to think other than to wake him.

“Obi-Wan…” Padmé tried shaking him to wake him from his misery, but to no avail. “Obi-Wan!” She shouted at the top of her lungs and violently grabbed his shoulder with no success.

He was in too deep.

It completely consumed him.

Seeing him this way somehow left her torn, for the years of war and loss also haunted him in his dreams, too. Knowing his breathing was too shallow, she moved over him to the point that she was on top of him, straddling his hips as she shook his shoulders, then moving her hands to his face as she stroked his cheeks.

“Obi-Wan…” She called to him, “Find the light. I’m right here.” She cooed to him lightly, her voice almost melodic as she moved the soaked hair from his forehead as the other hand coddled his cheek.

His breath abruptly sliced the air as his deep blue eyes bolted open to her face with boundless curls surrounding him like curtains. She smiled, but it was still difficult to breathe as he could still see the black masked figure chasing him endlessly with the cackles of Darth Sidious echoing in the depths of his consciousness.

“Obi-Wan!” She embraced him as her weight somehow grounded him, and almost soothed him in a way as it soothed his discomfort and anxiety. For her presence reminded him that he was alive, hidden, isolated, safe.

Still struggling to breathe, she pulled away from him and continued to speak over his panicked state, “Breathe in and out with me, Obi-Wan.” And she deeply inhaled and exhaled as she wiped the tears from his eyes, still stroking the stubbles on his face, tracing the lines on his forehead, eyes, and cheeks. “Stay with me. I am right here.”

Feeling like her weight and being on top of him would make him uncomfortable, she shifted her weight to slide off next to him, but his hands surprisingly grasped her, preventing her from moving off of him, “No…” He finally spoke, “Don’t move, please…”

Padmé could hear the desperation in his voice and stayed on top of him, wrapping her arms around his shaking body with a sense of concern on her face, trying to stop herself from tearing up. Holding him, she swayed her body as if she was lying on top of the water on the lakes of Naboo, allowing the endless sunlight to soak her face and through her eyelids. Before she even realized what she was doing, hums escaped her, carrying the beautiful melodies her mother would sing to her when she was a little girl, for her mother had been in the Naboo Opera House before she had a family.

She had never done this before, even with Anakin… There was no reason to, because he would always try and conceal his nightmares when he spent nights with her. She strongly disliked it when he did that, and wanted him to be honest. He was only trying to make sure she would not worry about him, and she knew that was valid. But Obi-Wan – although deep down he cared about the concept of not showing emotions – gave zero fucks in this instance, and she _saw_ it with her own eyes.

Remember this: Vulnerability prompts more vulnerability.

So she held him and hummed, while swaying and eventually his breaths finally slowed to a normal pace.

His voice interrupted the beautiful melodies of the Naboo, “I’m never this weak,” he whispered, sobs threatening to find his lungs. He could not believe he had dissipated to this decrepit state, and gods, he hated it, and loathed himself.

Padmé suddenly stopped humming in his ear. “You’re right, Obi-Wan,” she validated him and his words. “You’re never weak because sometimes showing our own emotions takes much strength.”

This shocked him, because for the first time since they had discussed this last, he was validated in his feelings and that it was okay to express them. Before he could respond to her words, she began to hum the melodies once again and he drifted into an undisturbed stupor where he was overlooking the wonders of Naboo, with beautiful melodies and phrases guiding him to the light. She, too, fell into a deep slumber as his deep rhythmic breaths soothed her into a dreamless sleep.

They did not discuss this particular night when they rose the next morning. In fact, she woke first, still on top of him as he slept peacefully. She had made breakfast consisting of boiled grains topped with a fresh, sweet pally and instant hot caf from the water he had gathered yesterday. Padmé smiled when she saw the seeds on the table, because the simple gesture made her idea a reality. She had opened the windows to let the light of the day in and had braided her hair as an attempt to tame the wildness of her curls. The dark circles under her eyes had faded as she greeted him with a small smile.

Despite the fact they trusted each other with their lives; they had been guarded since the time he returned to her apartment the morning after their intimate encounter after he had saved her the first time. They had only been acquaintances, old friends, pretending that night had never existed. Yet this platonic intimacy had somehow opened the opportunities for their relationship beyond their recognition and acknowledgement. Master Yoda was right when he told both of these humans that the Force had plans for the both of them – they did not know what that entailed, but let us just say that oftentimes the will of the Force is much unexpected, even beyond the realms of Master Kenobi’s ability to see the future.

It is only a matter of communication between the two of them – and there were many things to discuss, a multitude of topics they had been avoiding. Maybe it was because they did not want to hurt themselves again, or maybe it was because they did not want to hurt each other.

But the sense of coexistence that was merely a shadow of their true reason for being here – the boy – gave them a sense of normalcy.

And it was okay, for now.

Before Master Kenobi would go outside to work on the vaporators, he looked at himself in the mirror remembering that he needed to shave the stubble on his face. But maybe he could grow it to hide the frown lines that adorned his skin like the canyons sprawled on this planet’s surface, full of shadows and sorrow.

But the woman walked through the hallway with dirty linens piled in her arms for washing after his nightmares that soaked them from his sweat and she saw the cream on his face with the razor in his hand. Abruptly she stopped, studying him for a brief moment with a glint in her eye, the look she would give him when she revealed to Boss Nass that she was the Queen of Naboo all of those years ago. Obi-Wan Kenobi knew that she had something on her mind that she _really_ wanted to say. He knew her well enough for this to be the case.

“Keep the beard,” she finally spoke with a keen grin on her face.

He turned to look at her, a smidge of cream falling from his face on his robes, “ _What_?”

This surprised him.

But what surprised him even more were the words that followed. Padmé slightly turned her head as she studied him, her contagious smile still beaming to the point where it touched her eyes and he swore he saw the entire galaxy swimming in them, “I like it.”

And she walked off like nothing happened, thankful that she was alive another day.

What she did not realize was that she smiled at Anakin like that…

But Satine’s words echoed in his consciousness – the memory was still fresh like it had happened yesterday.

Suddenly he was on peaceful Mandalore…

“I’m still not sure about the beard,” she had glanced at it with her fingers on her face as if she was deep in thought.

Obi-Wan had remembered being taken aback by her words, “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

She proceeded to lift her hand to his face, her thumb stroking his chin before looking into his eyes. In the present he looked up at himself in the mirror that reflected the former Senator working around the kitchenette, “It hides too much of your handsome face…”

He was in a conflict with himself – where the woman he had always loved told him one thing and the woman he always admired and trusted him said another. It was nothing too serious, or enough to even acknowledge really, but it was to him. And he sat there for at least five minutes looking into his reflection, wondering who he would become in these next years in exile.

But he eventually put the razor down and washed his face. Although a simple act, it was an act of acceptance, acceptance that she was gone and she would never come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! In honor of our space mom, I posted this chapter on Mothers' Day. Sorry this chapter was a bit short and uneventful. But I wanted to build the bridges of Padmé and Obi-Wan’s relationship and how it involved both Anakin and Satine while also giving Padmé a reason to live with a basis that had nothing to do with passion or love, but the love of her family. While doing this, I also wanted to highlight the pain they both felt while also seeing the flaws in themselves. Does that make sense? Also shout out to Kelsey and stellaesomnias! I always look forward to the comments and feedback when I post.
> 
> And… Thank you all for the 900 hits and 50 kudos! I am in awe this story with an obscure ship would get so much feedback. I am grateful for you all!
> 
> \- Writtenmusings x


	10. Nine ✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I left you all without a chapter for over two weeks... I feel really bad about it and I apologize. I just lost a lot of motivation and have been feeling down (depression sux)... I was also having a difficult time clearly picturing how I want to lay out the events leading up to pivotal moments of this fic.
> 
> I also made a playlist as an inspiration for Obidala on Spotify, the link will be below before the chapter starts. Love y'all! 
> 
> Much love x

[Click here to access my Obidala inspo playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7IY3OHc0lWHkZiCcPfPsro?si=K9axadOiS-6unlvvVpVmPg)

✦✦✦

Obi-Wan underestimated that Padmé was such a fast learner when it came to _anything_. After spending an afternoon teaching her how to control and maintain the vaporators he had installed, she was completely competent in the art of the technology and engineering of the complicated machinery. If he were to be away, she would be able to complete his chores if he was not able to do so. This was quite interesting considering the fact that she mentioned to his Jedi Master that she was not good with technology and such all those years ago when they were on the Nubian spaceship headed towards Tatooine. Yet here they were, proceeding with life like ‘normal,’ only plenty of events have occurred since their meeting over thirteen years ago…

Yes, he _definitely_ underestimated her after all.

As these weeks passed, Padmé would accompany him to check on her son once a week – when the suns were setting – and they would camouflage against the protruding landscapes in front of the Lars Homestead, where they both would watch the boy wrapped in blankets in the distance. Obi-Wan and Padmé would cloak themselves in their wool robes and blankets when the planet swiftly cooled as the daylight would bid them a farewell, the cool breeze brushing past them in a way that almost translated into the darkness of the night greeting them once more. When they watched the silhouettes shutting down their equipment around their home, they somehow felt at peace because _he_ was safe, _he_ was nurtured, and most of all, _he_ was loved. Being apart was not what Padmé wanted for him, or her daughter, but it was enough and her children deserved to live in a galaxy free of death and darkness and for now… it was alright.

She would always smile at this realization, as the last of the sunlight would caress their faces and then they would return home silently. The evenings when they saw Luke were the most peaceful, because somehow, by grace of the Force itself, they were liberated from the shackles of their tormenting nightmares. These moments after the long speeder ride to the home, _their_ home, were some of the most treasured, because they excitedly anticipated rest. They would sleep soundly and quietly. The darkness would stay away.

It did not mean the darkness would always let them be, but it left them alone.

For now.

Obi-Wan told her that Leia was also safe, under the care of Bail and his wife Queen Breha of Alderaan. After visiting her around eight or nine years ago, Padmé had grown quite fond of the Queen, not just because they could both relate to maintaining peace and a sense of neutrality for their homeworlds, but that they were also human, too. Thus, their friendship was born. She had wanted children, specifically a baby girl, but given her condition with pulmonodes instead of a heart and lungs, it would have been too much for her body. Although they were both rulers of their people, they also had their own dreams and desires – to have a family of their own. Despite losing her husband and children, the former Senator was grateful she was able to give Bail and Breha that chance and that her daughter, Leia, would be cherished and loved by many for years to come. This did not mean that not having her daughter by her side did not hurt her heart, but she was validated and assured that both of her children were loved by their caretakers and safe from the wrath of the Sith and newly established Empire.

They were strong with the Force.

Padmé felt it.

Obi-Wan felt it.

They both understood.

However, she was still trying to grasp her being alive and what purpose it would be for the sake of the galaxy. Master Yoda strongly reiterated her purpose to her before she left Polis Massa, when she was still bedridden and heartbroken, shocked that she was still alive. But it was all a blur and she did not even know whether the words he told her were a dream or if it was actually reality. Given all of the medications and injections the med droids gave her, she could not be too sure, but whether it was true or not, she was not quite sure if she should tell Obi-Wan just yet.

Regardless it was a second (er… technically third) chance.

She sat at the table with a hot cup of steaming instant caf wrapped in her fingers, thinking and pondering about that brief moment she spent with the green Jedi Master whose wisdom was definitely well beyond his nine hundred-or-so years. She did not remember much of the conversation; the only thing that stuck with her was the fact that she would be joining Obi-Wan in exile and the other thing she had been trying to forget since she learned the information. Not even Obi-Wan knew. Yet somehow the conversation dawned to her during her sleep the previous night and suddenly she remembered when she opened her eyes. Sometimes the Force does these things, like revealing memories because of their importance in a given situation. Or maybe it was not the Force at all. Maybe she really wanted to forget.

But trying to forget memories by dissipating them does not really help, if anything more details tend to come to the surface.

And suddenly, she was bedridden – her belly still swollen, her heart aching from the shattering betrayal and loss, and omnipresent tears falling down her cheeks – once again…

✦✦✦

Her eyes were droopily opening, trying to blink the blurred grogginess away from countless drugs and chemicals that were injected into her frail form that was surprisingly still functioning. Her entire body was saturated with a sense of numbness where she thought her soul had finally risen upon her death into the afterlife. She attempted to move her head, her hand, her legs, but to no avail. Yet she somehow felt the hot tears on her cheeks. Droids were beeping in the distance as she regained consciousness, with the aroma of antiseptic filling her nostrils, a surprising small, green form sat beside her from her periphery. This was not the first time she woke. The first time she did, fear and panic overwhelmed her to a state of frantic sobbing and breathing – a severe panic attack in which she was tranquilized into another long slumber. She did not remember anything after she had given birth to her children, for all she knew it could have been a dream – Anakin turning to the Dark Side and murdering Younglings, Jedi, and the Separatist leaders could have all been a nightmare – or so she hoped…

But the flaming blue eyes that once loved her burned her heart more than the lava on Mustafar ever could, he choked her into this state.

When her vision finally came into focus, she realized Master Yoda was sitting beside her, his seat raised a couple feet with his staff in his hands. He was deep in thought, watching her sleep as she was undergoing the healing process in solitary confinement while the rest of the galaxy was processing her death on her planet capital, Theed, completely illuminated with innumerable amounts of candles that would remind her of the stars in the sky if she was there. Her mother, father, sister, nieces mourned her death while the funeral was just the day before, where Senator Bail Organa attended to pay respects.

Obi-Wan, Bail, and Yoda already had the meeting for their plans to send the children separate ways on different ends of the galaxy, where no one from the Galactic Empire could possibly sense or touch them. Vader and the Emperor presumed Anakin’s sole child to be dead, along with their mother and that was that. They had used a similar corpse and used makeup to resemble her face and a hologram to reveal her still pregnant belly during the procession. The initial plan the trio instilled was meticulously in place and it miraculously worked, the fallen Senator’s death was tragic and sudden to many, allowing the work for further hope of the prophecy and liberation for the entire galaxy in the far distant future. The long term plan, however, the foresight of the next two-or-so years was quite muddled. In fact, Yoda had quite the difficulty foreseeing it, except for several brief images. But whatever he saw, it was enough to spur and strike him personally, to the point where he had to speak with her.

The woman was surprised to see him in front of her form and was quite confused of her surroundings, for she still could not move and only had feeling on her face.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the criminalized Jedi Master already had his own plans and things to share with her.

“Padmé Amidala, pleased I am that you are alive. Warm feelings it brings to my heart.” He whispered slowly enough for her racing mind to decipher as she was still unable to sit up.

Looking around, she realized that her belly was indeed smaller than it once was, giving her the indication that she did give birth to her children, but they were nowhere to be found.

It was still difficult for her to breathe, as she was connected to machinery, “L- Luke…. L- Leia…” She breathed from the deep crevices of her tired chest, tears threatening to fill her eyes once again. The drained mother wanted to know where they were, to see if there were answers. Before she could even mutter more words, the medic droids paced in the doors and surrounded her, injecting her with more medications and drugs for her to return to sleep until Obi-Wan would eventually return.

Master Yoda continued to focus on her with a sense of sorrow deep in his eyes but even if one were focusing closely, would be quite difficult to see. He compartmentalized his emotions quite well, but this was even painful for him, too. Within a couple of minutes, the machines had gone, leaving the room with medical equipment and two sentients.

“Safe they are. Worry you need not.” He reassured her, hearing the beeps from the heart rate monitor increase in frequency from the overpowering anxiety with a hint of panic from her loss and uncertainty.

She did not have anything to say. What else could she say after she lost everything? As much as she wanted the answers to the plethora of questions she had about her, her children, and her fallen husband, and the Republic she fought for that ceased to exist, she was too tired, too weak and wanted so desperately to sleep for weeks. But somehow, deep down within her soul, she knew this could not be the case and she had to move as fast as possible if she was to continue to live...

But the one question that remained nagged her to the very core… _why_ was she alive? She knew was on the brink of death and she _felt_ it.

Yoda sensed her emotions through her Force signature. “Surprised you and the few that know you are alive. Many questions you may have…” He trailed off as Padmé looked at him with dazed awe in her glassy eyes. “Sith… Lord Palpatine is. Clouded the Dark Side was and deceived the Jedi Order and Republic it did. Destroyed the Jedi Order is. Used you to sway Skywalker to the Dark Side Sidious planned. For you to die he wanted…” The Jedi Master paused and took the wooden staff in his hands and he hopped from the chair to her side with a labored grunt not just from his exhaustion, but the aches from the strenuous altercation he had with the Emperor just a couple rotations ago. He had not been able to sleep since then… There was still much to be done in order to have hope for the future of the Jedi and the woman in front of him.

He continued on as the she focused on him with pain etched into her facial features, “Used your Life Force Darth Sidious did to save his apprentice. Reborn as Darth Vader he was, but kill you Sidious did not…” The small green friend almost sighed before he continued, knowing he had to be careful with his words. “Saved your life I did by transferring a small amount of my Life Force to you...”

He was vague enough for her to realize that he never mentioned Anakin, leaving her confused until Obi-Wan would clarify this later, before she would attempt to end the life Yoda had given her.

The woman merely blinked at him, confused as to why this could be.

He seemed to sense her confusion and uneasiness from his own words. He never told Master Windu or Kenobi of this and he was not sure if he ever would. “Know of this convoluted power, very few do. Many months of training it took me as it must have took Lord Sidious… But know that I did this for you he does not. Learn of this if he does, come for you and the children he will.”

Waterfalls overflowed down her cheeks once more as she realized that this was her reality. She could only nod in response of her comprehending his words.

 _Why didn’t he allow me to die?_ Her thoughts menaced her, yet they were also brutally honest. She had nothing left and she desperately knew of this deprecating fact. It would have been better that way – to die – because then she would not have to live on in this hell, the constant reminder that her husband was so angry at her for believing Obi-Wan that he took it upon himself to bring her feet up from the ground, her throat enclosing and leaving her without any air to breathe, to live.

In those few seconds, he wanted her dead.

It should have been this way.

He felt her agonizing helplessness, her desires to die and never live again… “Darkness deceives,” the Jedi Master continued on, “Thrives on hopelessness and suffering it always has. But a way of hiding those things darkness has mastered. Only wins it does if believe its blatant deceit and lies in moments of weakness you do… And strong with the Force your children most definitely are, dear Senator.” Suddenly he realized that she was no longer a Senator and never would be, this also struck her as well. Turning his head he studied her, “Darkness, fear…. Deceived you it has. Hope your children are for the galaxy. Forget this do not.”

She was too weak to respond and the Jedi Master knew that they were running out of time before they had overstayed and news would spread about the isolated room sentients were forbidden to enter unless they were Master Yoda, Senator Organa or Master Kenobi. But the sedatives that were running in her veins also meant that they were short on time. Obi-Wan Kenobi was on his way back from Tatooine at this point, still feeling the absent warmth of the boy wrapped in blankets on his arms and chest, one of the last remnants of the friend he had cherished for so long and the weak woman that waited for him on the asteroid hidden in the myriad of rocks bundled in the Subterrel sector, hidden from the grasps of the Empire in the Outer Rim.

He knew his duty to the Jedi and to _her_.

Organa, Kenobi, and Yoda discussed that the green friend would be the one to tell her who she would be joining for the rest of her life. Obi-Wan was very guarded about the subject and initially objected the idea with his diplomatic reasoning and talking points in which the Jedi Master kindly retorted with, “Plans, the Force has, for you and Padmé Amidala.”

As Padmé observed him carefully, Yoda knew that her reasoning would be the same as Master Kenobi, which led him to speak his argument first before she would protest.

He knew they complimented each other in numerous ways.

“Plans, the Force has, for you and Master Kenobi,” he declared as the dumbfounded woman stared at him with a sense of surprise.

Shaking her head, her curls rampantly bounced with it as she slowly gained feeling of her body and lethargically sat up with a slight stumble. Yoda let her do this herself as he knew her headstrong self would more than likely dislike his help, even if it entailed a struggle on her part. Sitting up made her slightly dizzy and nauseous, causing her to recompose herself. After this she finally spoke, her words hinted with slurs from the high doses of medication they had given her over the past couple of days. “I- I don’t quite comprehend the point you are trying to promote, Master Jedi.”

By the end of her sentence, her hands instinctively grasped her throat as she realized that it did indeed still ache, not considerably, but the soreness was still there.

“Not necessary it is to repress your feelings, young one,” he responded to her remark with a slight sparkle in his eyes. “With Obi-Wan, go you must.”

She hated him. No, she loathed him… Trying to argue against the idea, her words tumbling into the other, “Butgooing wi-you would… beee–”

She realized that Yoda must have heard or seen something for the future for this to be true, but her exhaustion on top of the overly apparent sedation gave a great indication that she could not fight this, even when the man she trusted had snuck on to her ship to confront and kill the man she loved.

He was gone.

And that hurt her the most.

“Sense the hate in your heart toward Master Kenobi I do… Even after birthing the twins, strong with the Force you are.” He nodded his head and lifted his eyebrows at he. She had never seen such a respected and professional figure so nonchalant before, it was quite refreshing. But she was also a bit stunned that he could sense her distaste towards Obi-Wan, “Plans, good plans the Force has. Sensed it I have, yes…”

She did not know what this meant nor did she have the time to protest the plan, and there were too many questions left unanswered while he also risen the opportunity to leave new ones.

But there was one thing she wished to know before her eyes and consciousness would betray her.

“Master Jedi,” she drifted as she leaned her head into the pillow, the fatigue fighting her desire to continue the conversation.

“Not much time do we have, yes. Tired you are, sweet friend.”

As she quickly succumbed to rest, she managed to ask him one last question before the drugs wore in again. It took much strength for her to speak and for words to leave her mouth.

When she asked him, the Jedi grinned so much that his smile filled more than half of his wrinkled face as her eyes slowly drooped shut. To her surprise, he lightly chuckled and gave the answer she knew he would never give anyone else. If she really wanted to, she could die with those words and no one else would ever know.

✦✦✦

When reality found her again, she found that her caf was getting cold and she needed to finish it before she was to find Obi-Wan and discuss the items she needed from town on her list. Somehow guilt filled her as more lukewarm caf filled her stomach – for not taking this second chance to live seriously, for trying to end her life, for hating Obi-Wan. Ah, yes, good old survivor’s guilt was something she had not quite realized how to cope with, but it was there like a lingering shadow. It followed her. And perhaps it was what led her to the conclusion that her life was no longer valid, that surviving was her fault, that it would be better for the galaxy if she was not there. And the memories haunted her, too, whether it be while sipping caf or watching the binary suns rise and set. They were a constant reminder that no matter what she did, it was never enough – the Republic was no more, no matter what she could have possibly done, and all those years of social justice and advocating almost felt as if they were nothing. There had to be something that she could do! But she did not know what it entailed quite yet.

But she knew she had accepted what happened, especially after realizing how Palpatine orchestrated everything, even when she was still Queen!

The Force knew what their plans were for her. She did not know yet, but even her evolving thought process was a great indication that she was getting closer and closer.

Obi-Wan sensed her conflicting feelings from outside of the hut from atop of the cliffs that overlooked the now barren ravine, a deserted gorge. The morning suns greeted him as he connected himself with the Force and felt it trickle through the entirety of his body. Master Yoda had informed him of the training he needed to exist through the Force after his worldly death, but he was confused about the next steps and what he needed to do for them to be taken. But he was distracted, distracted by the constantly evolving galaxy around him, the woman who was still trying to delve into her purpose and also cope with the eminent past, along with the anxiety of not knowing what will come of the other surviving Jedi in a galaxy where they are the destined for death because they embrace the light – it all made him uneasy.

 _You seem distracted_. A familiar voice snapped him out of his anxiety, causing him to nearly yelp from surprise.

“Master…” Obi-Wan whispered into the winds of the desert planet. “I was just thinking…”

 _… dwelling on the past, young one?_ He continued Kenobi’s thoughts with sincere honesty.

The meditating Jedi raised a single eyebrow, familiar with these bantering encounters. Qui-Gon Jinn was one of the very few people who saw through him and even in the afterlife, he still did.

“And the future, I suppose.” He warily confessed, his pink lips contorted at the uneasiness of what will come of the galaxy.

 _Obi-Wan… You cannot let the unchangeable past and ambiguous future dictate your emotions in the present. A connection with the Force does not entail your ability to prevent pain and suffering in the future. You must remember…. balance. _Qui-Gon reasoned with him in his consciousness

Kenobi took a deep breath, allowing the dry air to fill his lungs as he drained his thoughts and concerns from his mind, “Master… I have lost so much…”

_Yet… One of your closest friends is here with you and has lost much as well._

“… and most of it is my doing, Master.” He sighed.

_Do not blame yourself for maintaining peace, Obi-Wan._

“But –.”

Padmé ascended up the stairs with her mug in her hand to find Obi-Wan sitting with his legs crossed, the twin suns shining on him. He was stoic, deep in thought when she found him, slowly inhaling and exhaling through meditation with the Force. She wondered what he was thinking about, the sensations he felt throughout the depths of his body as he focused on the Force, if he was undergoing training or if he just wanted to spend a moment in isolation with the whistling morning winds. Observing his profile, she sensed a smile from him internally as she noted his the regrowth of his copper beard, how the breeze played with the strands of his hair, the sharp features of his nose and cheekbones, or the lines perfectly painted on his face that made him... Obi-Wan.

Warmth and the smell of roses distracted him from what he was about to say.

 _She is here with us._ His voice was melodic, welcoming to the point where Obi-Wan swore he could see his Master smirking if he was physically present with him.

The woman found herself staring at him for a moment too long and she quickly turned around back toward the staircase that descended into the little hut, but the warm, familiar voice stopped her before she could even take a step.

“You do not have to leave…” Obi-Wan’s words even took him by surprise as the sunlight made her slightly darker skin glow as the subtle highlights concealed in her dark, voluptuous curls radiated the light back to him. She shyly smiled back at him.

“I do not want to disturb you,” she responded, merely being the polite and considerate human she always was, putting others’ comfort and well-being over her own.

Obi-Wan had turned around and continued to meditate with his eyes closed, focusing on the Force while his former Master’s presence had vacated into the void he still had much to learn about. The training Master Yoda told him was extensive and took time, but he was slowly getting back into the groove of things. His deep, gaping wound was still healing even a few months later. But he felt a sense of peace as she was up on the overlooking cliffs with him. It was not something could necessarily place, but whatever it was, he welcomed it.

He felt his pulse quicken as he spoke, almost guilty to admit this to her, “Your presence is quite… soothing….”

This struck a chord within her, for those were words she had not heard in quite a long time and the person they came from was… She had suddenly forgotten to breathe and caught herself almost emotionally stumble as she felt some sort of unwanted tension in the depths of her throat. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed the remaining pain from her scars and smiled at Obi-Wan, hoping that he did not notice. Oh, but he did and he saw the pain etched in the shadows of her eyes. Although it was brief, it was enough for him to feel it. He did not know exactly why, but he knew that this must have had something to do with Anakin. He could not blame her, for there were even little things that slap him in the face as well, reminding him of his fallen Padawan, friend, brother.

With her small smile, she did not know what to say, but she continued, “Ah, I see. I can thank you for that, considering you taught me how to cast my anxieties and fears to the greater purpose of the galaxy… to the light…”

“… and balance,” he added to her sentence, opening his eyes once more to turn and look at her, only to find that her smile had widened.

“What do you mean?” She turned her head at him in curiosity.

He uncrossed his legs to move over to the left, leaving enough space for her to sit next to him. He turned his head to face her again to gesture to the empty rock next to him for her to join him. “You see, I have learned something I should have been able to understand long ago. I think Qui-Gon was close to fully understanding the depth of it all before he passed away… that there is more than just the light and darkness.”

She walked closer to him, crouching next to the man as she hung her legs over the ledge she fell from just weeks ago. Oh, how things have changed so quickly in these fast couple of weeks. “I actually intended to discuss items to add on list for items to procure in town,” she chuckled, taking a sip from her mug as she stared out at the sunrise of the two suns in front of them, the vivid colors of pinks and oranges painting a beautiful masterpiece in front of them. “However, I’m quite intrigued by what you have learned.”

Obi-Wan chuckled with her, “Remember when I told you that you should be a Jedi several months ago?” He queried her of the memory, remembering the big smile that beamed from her face as she hugged her then swollen belly she attempted to hide under her thick, forest green velvet dress.

“Ah, yes…” She nodded, responding to his question. “Although I wonder if that was merely you poking fun at me or if you were wholeheartedly serious…”

He took a deep breath, inhaling the environment around him, the sunrise, the cracking rocks, the good friend next to him, “Well… it was a bit of both.” A smirk slowly curved his lips upward as he slightly cocked his head toward her, “Although… If I do recall I think Padawan Amidala has a nice ring to it.”

She playfully narrowed his eyes at him, “You think _you_ have been teaching me for over thirteen years?”

“No.” His voice lowered in pitch, “I must say I have learned quite a bit from you…” Padmé’s face suddenly changed from that of playful banter to surprise with a sense of seriousness in her eyes, almost as if she was in a meeting with a senator friend of hers in the past, when they would divulge into topics of life lessons they had learned over the years, but the atmosphere was somewhat similar it was also different and she could not really describe it. At least…

Not yet.

“About balance?” She continued with the previous topic they had briefly discussed.

“You love tenderly, yet you do not let the emotions that accompany your love to dictate your life. You fight valiantly, yet you do not resort to violence, deceit, but peace. You saw the weaknesses in what once was the Republic, yet you were not a Separatist. You understand balance.” He shared his thoughts through observing her over the years, hoping he was not crossing any unspoken line, but her undivided attention, although unspoken, gave him the indication that she took no offense, “You see… The Jedi Order did not necessarily understand _true_ balance, only that we maintain the light and peace… Yet we allowed the Order to get entangled with political entities and affairs, thus…”

“… the balance that was originally advocated for was no more.”

“ _Yes_! Which allowed the Dark Side of the Force to cloud our judgement and deceive many. And now we are here.” He sighed, placing his hand on his eyebrows and massaging the tension after a long night without sleep.

Padmé sighed with him, “Now we are here,” she repeated his statement as the suns continued to rapidly rise over the horizon, the breeze slowly growing hotter and hotter. There was a long pause while they both soaked their thoughts in the past, evaluating all of the puzzle pieces that they learned to place together of how the galaxy came to be where it was today. They both crossed that moment where they told themselves ‘If I had known, I would have done this or that.’ But that was dangerous thinking, because dwelling on the past and what could have been done differently would take more away from the issues occurring to the present. But the former Senator finally spoke, “I knew something was very wrong once the war started, and it got worse and worse. In fact, Bail, Mon Mothma and I formed an alliance of Senators. It probably still is secret… It was or is called the _Delegation of 2,000_ , which consisted of two thousand senators that opposed then Chancellor Palpatine’s executive powers and that he surrender them. I was going to tell you, but… things happened. We were trying to stop the very thing we had been fighting against from forming, but it was too late…” She realized she was slightly drifting from the point she was trying to make. Focusing, she continued, “What I am trying to emphasize is, even if we were to vocalize our concerns enough to start a movement, it would not have been enough. Sure if we mobilized enough people around the galaxy, it could have been stopped. How could we have known that a Sith Lord was controlling the Republic? We cannot afford to dwell on that, Obi-Wan. None of this is your fault. Anakin turning is not your fault. He made is choice. How _we_ proceed is ours.”

Obi-Wan sat there, speechless and completely stunned. How could he respond to that?

“Not a day goes by when I do not think about it…” She continued, taking the last sip of her now cold caf. “I was the reason why he became Chancellor, do you remember?” She looked at Obi-Wan, her eyes open, vulnerable, just like the last night they had spent together on Naboo before they were separated for years.

He nodded in response and whispered, “Yes.”

“Because my people were suffering… starving, _dying_. I moved for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum when I was just a young queen, because the Trade Federation had enforced a blockade and an illegal invasion of my homeplanet… But when you really observe the grand scheme of things and delve into the truth… Those first weeks I locked myself in that bedroom when we arrived here I drew a line and meticulously drafted a timeline of all the events that led to the end of that bloody War, then placed pieces of the puzzle together and had the grave realization that he was behind that invasion of Naboo, that if I had not moved for a vote of no confidence, my planet would have been in ruins… Anakin did not turn to the Dark Side because of me, but because he failed to accept that he had to let people he loved go. That day I stepped off of this ledge we are sitting on and was saved, I realized I cannot let my past decisions define me anymore… That does not mean I did not learn from them – because I most definitely did, I married a Padawan for godsakes and I loved him… dearly – but I take those lessons with me and move forward, for my children, but also myself.”

Obi-Wan stared at her blankly and realized why he had grown so fond of her years ago, not as a woman, but as a dear friend. She had accepted everything that had happened to her, although it was rather far from perfect. The memories of her past would forever haunt her and she believed the lies in her head quite often, but that did not invalidate her acknowledgement of the truth.

“This does not mean that I do not blame myself for the things I mentioned (because, Obi-Wan, I do), _but_ I refuse to be enslaved to the shackles guilt.”

“You do not understand all of it.” Obi-Wan tried to instill his perspective and experiences. “I failed.”

Padmé scooted closer to him and took his face in her hands to meet his sorrowful eyes, “Obi-Wan… Those nightmares may follow us for the rest of our days, but… you did not fail Anakin…”

“I did,” he choked as tears filled his eyes, “I failed him, Satine, everyone close to me.”

“This is why you have not touched your lightsaber since that day, isn’t it….” She looked down, realizing that he never even had it with him when he went into town. “You are truly hurting.” And for the first time, he allowed tears to fall from his eyes in front of her while he was conscious.

“I know the War affected us in different ways, but I can assure you that you never failed me, Luke or Leia… and that means a great deal to me – more than you could possibly fathom,” she whispered, her face only inches from his as tears trailed her own eyes. “You used the Force to soothe me after Anakin betrayed both of us, when I was sure I was going to die.”

She then embraced him as tears continued to fall down his red cheeks and into his beard, his body shaking as her presence soothed him, as she gently ran her fingers comfortingly through his hair. He was broken, hell, they were both broken, but he realized that despite everything, he had learned much from her and would continue to do so. They were all they had and it was in this moment when he truly realized how she understood him in ways many would not and he found solace in this.

“She’s gone…” He whispered to her about Satine. He still saw the sadness and darkness in her eyes right before she forever closed them, the softness and warmth of her hand that caressed his face for the very last time until life escaped her body.

“I know, I know… I am so sorry, Obi-Wan, I am so sorry.” She cooed him. Both, he and she, did not know how long she held him, but it was to the point that their tears had dried and they felt the blistering heat from the suns and she slowly let him go, placing her hands on the sides of his face with a slight curve on her lips, her eyes soft, and she placed a delicate kiss on his forehead. He closed his eyes from the contact, accepting the comforting gesture before she stood.

When she did so, she looked back at him, “I am going to make you some caf and boiled grain. While you do that I will check the vaporators and make sure everything is in order.”

She walked a few steps before stopping, turning to look at him once again, “Do something to keep her memory alive… it would make her smile.”

He nodded and turned towards the now blue sky.

 _Master Yoda was right…_ He heard his Master’s voice bellow in the breeze from the dusty sand dunes in the distance. _The Force is strong… with_ both _of you. He did the right thing._

✦✦✦

Padmé gladly did all the chores for the day, including excavating water and maintaining the vaporators, as well as working on equipment for the basement by using her hidden talents to update vaporator parts and install a computing system to contact Bail Organa if there was ever any trouble. She had also straightened up their bedroom, cleaned the kitchen and living areas, as well as clearing some space on the natural terrace of rocks up the stairs behind the hut. She also insisted that he go to town the next day due to his insomnia induced fatigue and exhaustion. During this time, Obi-Wan slept better than he had in weeks, no dreams, just much needed rest that his body was begging for.

When he finally rose the next morning, she was still asleep in darkness, for the suns had not risen yet. Her curls were as wild as ever, even in the shadows. A small smile erupted on his lips as he quietly slipped out of bed and room and into the living space, surprised to find everything so neat and tidy. A growl in his stomach gave him the indication to his ravenous hunger and he paced toward the chiller to make his first meal, but stopped in his tracks to find some surprising items on the table.

She had left a list for items to pick up in town, a note and… his lightsaber?

“How did she find it?” He whispered aloud to himself, realizing that she must have seen Anakin’s as well.

Picking up the note in her unique, yet beautiful penmanship, he read it:

_Obi-Wan,_

_Here is what we need in town. Knowing you, I left it out in the event in which you rise early in the morning and need a head start so you are able to get back before dinner. I like using fresh produce for dinner, it tastes much better. Please do not get upset with me for leaving your weapon out. Take it with you, even if you don’t ever need to use it._

_My counterargument to your inevitable protest: Qui-Gon would agree with me._

_\- Padmé_

He chuckled at her words. Although simple and straightforward, he saw some humor from the tone of her voice if she had spoken of this to him in person.

Continuing on, he took the caf out of the cupboard. Opening the chiller for water, he found leftovers from dinner the previous night with another note on top – his name in her handwriting. He turned on the boiler to make his fuel for the day. But he found himself going back to the table and reread the note again before the machine clicked, indicating the boiled water was ready. Snatching a pally from the bowl on the table he picked up the list and evaluated the contents as he ate it.

After eating leftover stirfried tubed vegetables and finishing his fruit and caf, he quickly got ready for the day, making sure everything was in order and that the speeder was in good condition to take to town. Realizing what she had done for him, he prepared breakfast for her to reheat when she woke later, knowing she would appreciate it. He loaded his belt under his robes and secured it on his waist then looked at the lightsaber on the table, unused for months… Without hesitation he grabbed the weapon, placing it in the holster and walked out of the hut.

He could only move forward.

That’s what he told himself.

Because he would never fail her.

When he finally got to town he went about his routine, mentally crossing each item off of the list as he walked through the market with the dark hood over his head. He went to the produce where the same older woman would smile at him, mentioning that she always remembered him when he returned every few weeks.

“Back again, I see?” She greeted him with a grin.

“Of course!” He covered up his Coruscanti accent with an Alderaanian one, “Best produce in town.”

“Thank you, child.” She gratefully smiled at the man, little did she know that he was indeed one of the last Jedi left. But she was curious of the nice, well-mannered man who was always in a hood and was probably escaping from something. “What did you say your name was?”

Obi-Wan never had to give anyone here his name since he had been here, because he was usually short and to the point, but this woman… He knew that being nice like this would get him the best fruits and the best discounts, he just never thought of what name to use in moments such as this. It could not be Obi-Wan, of course, because he knew there were not many Obi-Wans in the galaxy, and that alias could somehow point back to him being a Jedi Master, which would be a priceless bounty hefting a plentiful reward. He could not risk that and he also could not put Padmé in danger. Even using the nickname ‘Obi’ could be too dangerous and he could not risk it.

Suddenly he remembered one thing someone used to call him long ago. But it was a private term of endearment, one she used when no one was with them because she thought that it fit him and was something that was special, just coming from her. When she would call him this in hushed whispers or when he visited with her alone, it would always make him smile because he was able to share something with someone he cared, and even loved.

He was at conflict with himself, and he also was well aware that if he took too long to answer this question, which could also raise suspicion as well.

But he remembered the words Padmé had told him just the morning before and also the embarrassment that came from showing his tears to anyone but himself. But, my dear reader, he was still learning, learning that there is much strength in being vulnerable to _feeling_ and understanding how tangible acknowledging one’s emotions truly are. There is a beauty in it, a beauty he would soon learn to understand.

Regardless, he desperately wished to keep Satine’s memory alive in a way that would make her smile if she was there with him and he would do whatever it takes. This would entail taking yet another forward in his acceptance of her, her death, that she was free from darkness. He knew that this would be something that she would have wanted and it was absolutely, irrevocably perfect in every sense.

He took a deep breath with a smile as he looked at the woman surrounded by the produce in her booth.

The moment he spoke, he knew.... “Ben,” he finally answered her question, “My name is Ben.”

When he got the fruits and vegetables he needed, he smiled under his the shadows of his hood.

He knew.

He knew this would make both, Satine and Padmé, smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my words, all 7,525 of them. I made this chapter a bit longer to make up for the extra time it took for me to update. 
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and feedback, they make me smile! Also thanks for the EXACTLY 69 kudos (HAHA)!
> 
> writtenmusings x


	11. Ten ✦

Before Obi-Wan left town, he made sure to buy the parts to start a hydroponic garden in the basement, along with parts to start building a light radiator that mimics the light, heat, and radiation from that of a sun on a temperate planet, such as Naboo, for example. He knew that Padmé did not request this of him, but he wanted it to be a surprise for her. And as he slid into his speeder with all of the procured items in toll, he realized what he had done as he drove away to return home. He had never really done anything beyond using words or gestures to bring a smile to one’s face. In fact, he had not done anything like that to Satine, such as giving gifts or going out of the way to surprise her. It was not like he did not want to, but it was because he could not. But now… things were different and he found himself wanting to make the woman smile, no matter what it took.

This fazed him in some way. He could not necessarily pin down the reasoning behind his actions, and being the logical sentient he always was, this bothered and nagged him to the very core. In a way, he almost felt guilty for doing this after years of being inherently selfishly selfless towards the peace of the galaxy that he had not processed what it would be like to actually do genuine things (well, beyond saving countless lives) for the people he cared about. He was supposed to keep all of them at a distance, even his Padawan he saw as family, as his brother, and his first love, Satine, the woman that would forever be in his heart. This guilt stemmed from her, too, because he could not express any sort of emotions towards her despite the fact that his heart beat solely for her at one point and his life. Yet he could not be attached. The Jedi Code forbade any attachments. But he also felt shame, because he found himself connected to the woman waiting for in some way he could not describe, only that the thoughts of their previous conversation constantly repeated themselves in his head, like a broken record.

What he did not know was the fact that the woman constantly checked on him during his deep sleep the previous day, when he succumbed to his entrapping exhaustion. She would inevitably find herself stopping from her daily tasks to pace back to their room with a sense of purpose in each step, to find the man sleeping peacefully as his limbs were entangled in the sheets, with what almost seemed like a light smile appearing on his lips. Somehow, by the gods, this also made her smile as she stood in the open doorway, to the broken man in a state of temporary peace. It soothed her, almost as if she felt it beaming from him and she could not really explain why.

The blistering hot wind brushed through Obi-Wan’s robes as he sped through the ocean of dunes, their peaks resembling waves of water. Isn’t that ironic? That a lifeless planet was still somehow able to mirror the abundance of life through its desolate features? These tides would crash into the depths of the Jedi Master’s thoughts as he felt the lightsaber on his hip, reminding him of who he truly was, even if it was not necessarily who he wanted to be at times. But he found himself in the same familiar cycle once again, dwelling… Dwelling on the fact that if he had only seen the signs sooner, the Jedi Order could have been able to stop Palpatine, to stop the Empire from rising, to stop Anakin from choosing the Dark Side, to stop the tsunami of raging pain as the galaxy drowned in loss, suffering, death.

Knowing he could not close his eyes, he took deep breaths, investing whatever efforts he had into the light, into the Force, to balance. He knew at some point, everything could be okay, that even if he did try and listen to Fives all that time ago, he would have had the Order against him, even when Ahsoka was convicted. But the guilt and shame still found him, causing him to sigh and he was overwhelmed with pain, so much pain to the point where the agony of all the loss he had experienced had found a way to creep up to him once more. Annoyed… no…. outraged with himself, he stopped the speeder as he approached some rocks, jumping out of his seat as the vehicle was still skidding to a stop, his hand rapidly reaching for his weapon before he landed perfectly on the stifling ground in nearly a couple of quick seconds. Before even thinking about the fact that he would need to be back in time for supper, he bashed any sort of rock he could possibly find, wreaking havoc on the mounted figures that were created probably millions, if not, billions of years ago. He would stab them, then using the momentum from his speed to carve them in half in a myriad of pieces surrounding him. There was no thought, just mourning as he made sure no rocks existed around him. Whatever pieces remained, he used the Force to lift them with his hand and cast them hundreds of meters away, leaving the powerless Jedi sweating, breathless, exhausted, covered in dust.

Holding his weapon, the blue light shone on his face whilst the two suns descended behind him, preparing to end yet another day. He extinguished his weapon with a quick zap, only to leave him in the silence of his harsh breaths and the howling winds. Numbness was all he felt, and his knees buckled to the ground, his hands abruptly colliding with the rough ground and cutting his hands.

He internally cursed at himself, for what he had just done and because he felt so ridiculously alone.

Even when someone was waiting for him to return home.

He had given into his pain, his confusions, his anger, and he was inherently ashamed of who he was. Searching in his belt, he found the bottle he had not touched in weeks and opened it, taking a swig as the burning sensation on the palms of his hands had now happily greeted his throat as the liquor smoothly passed through his mouth. And he just sat there, on his knees, watching the escarpments just above the horizon in front of him, where on a cliff a good friend was safe inside a hut that was not yet visible to his eyes.

That did not mean that she did not feel his presence kilometers away, no. In fact, the former Senator had felt this pain that was so swift and sharp, she thought she had been stabbed in the heart as she was washing the dishes, dropping and shattering the bowl on the floor at her feet. She ignored the shards of glass in her foot and gazed out the window that overlooked the dunes in the distance, feeling these intense emotions revealing themselves just above the horizon. This confused her, because the last time she had felt this was the very night that the Jedi Order ‘betrayed’ the Republic and the Jedi Temple had caught fire, thousands upon thousands of Jedi murdered by the Clone Army and the man that was no longer her husband. She felt it, it was almost like thousands of screams crying for help, yet she could do nothing, but hope that it was not the man she once loved, that he was okay and he was safe. When he had returned to her, after killing all of those innocent souls, she had no idea of the person that he had become and the pain that would soon follow.

Minutes passed; as she transfixed herself to the setting suns in the distance, to the pastel colors of the sky in front of her, trying to decipher what it was she was experiencing and she wanted to understand what led her to feel this even when it was not her emoting these things. Her ability to analyze and understand her surroundings was a quality of hers, for she was one of the most intelligent beings in the galaxy, yet she had no reason behind this pain as a result of guilt, shame, and… was it mourning? She wondered and wondered, only hoping that it was not Obi-Wan, that he was safe and okay. But after several more minutes this sheer and concentrated pain had subsided, allowing her consciousness to fully acknowledge the pain running through her own body from her accident in the kitchen. Looking at her feet she saw the shards of glass sprawled all about the floor, only there was blood trailing around her with several shards on the top of them. Trying to figure out what to do, she was about to move her foot before she realized that both of them were surrounded by glass pieces and she would inevitably step on shards if she were to move.

“Okay,” she whispered to herself, her breath shaky from the pain of her feet that were now not only bleeding, but were also bruised as well. “What do I do?” She asked herself, realizing that she was so acquainted to having a protocol droid, security, handmaidens, _someone_ there for her, but now she was completely alone. Spotting a rag on the other side of the counter, she tried shifting her weight to reach it. However, the slicing pain on her foot prevented her from doing so, leaving her trapped until Obi-Wan could arrive home.

She found herself thoughtlessly hoping that he would return soon, because he would know what to do. While she waited, she strategized, soaking in her surroundings to devise a plan in her head to go around the mess around her without allowing the already penetrating glass to sink further into her skin. Taking note of the sink and counter space around her, she realized she could probably hoist herself up on them and work her way over to a place where she would be able to walk and clean up the mess.

Taking yet another deep breath, she quickly mentally prepared and replayed the idea in her thoughts once more before she followed through with her plan. As she painfully shifted her weight to get on top of the countertop, the front door opened, bringing hot, dusty air and a distraught Jedi Master in toll with plenty of items in his hands. He could sense her distress as he was driving back, causing him to book it back as fast as he possibly could. This startled her and she almost lost her balance and fell on the floor, but she caught herself before that unfortunate mishap. But Obi-Wan dropped everything in his hands after noticing the pain on her face as she turned around to meet his eyes, and the involuntary yelp from _slipping_. He knew this woman was not clumsy at all, to say the least, because she spent years and years training for every possible situation. He knew that she could run many kilometers in her heavy dresses, that she was able to climb in _chains_ to avoid being killed by a nexu, the four red eyes burning though their memories as the predatory, feline-like creature reached up for her as she climbed up the cement pole to undo her restraints over three years ago on Geonosis. He watched as she did this with such ease, even after she was mauled by the creature with those three large scratches on the square of her back. He remembered her scream and how she did not let that faze her.

This gave him the indication that whatever had happened must have been pretty severe, bad enough to point that she could barely walk.

“What happened?” He cautiously restrained the tone of his voice as he asked her the question, quickly pacing towards her in his sand covered robes. Obi-Wan did not want to appear panicked or concerned to prevent her from feeling that way.

She shrugged her shoulders, her body clearly shaking as she peeked back at him through her curls, attempting to hide her embarrassment. “I honestly do not know… I was washing the dishes to prepare for dinner and then I suddenly felt this sharp pain in my chest…” She drifted, turning to him as she was able to finally reveal her face to him as she continued to speak. “… and I felt anger, sorrow, so much pain, loss… It was so sincere, Obi-Wan. It was like I was able to sense someone else’s emotions from the distance. I cannot necessarily explain it…” The woman took a deep breath before continuing, ignoring the overbearing pain of her feet. “It took me by so much surprise that everything went numb and I dropped the glass bowl on my feet and it shattered and now there are glass pieces and blood everywhere and my feet –!”

The increase in speed of her words made Obi-Wan realize how taken aback she truly was, because she was not even able to speak in concise sentences. Before she was able to continue, Obi-Wan had made his way over to her and lifted her of her feet with his arms, the bare of her back against one and her legs in the other. She lightly yelped by surprise when he did this, but he did not care, as long as he was able to sit her down on the love seat in front of the hearth, it would all be fine.

“I need you to elevate your feet once I lay you down, Padmé.” He carefully looked at her blood-soaked feet as he maneuvered around the little hut, keeping in mind to not allow her injuries to collide with anything.

“What if the blood stains the couch?” She quickly responded, genuinely caring about the bloody couch over her own well-being. This caused Obi-Wan to nonchalantly smirk in response as he shook his head. He could smell the roses of Naboo from her hair as he finally made it to the couch, a fragrance he had grown well accustomed to over these past few months.

“Now, now, Padmé. We can worry about the couch later. You have lost quite a lot of blood and these incisions look rather deep so I need you to do as I say… Please.” He reasoned with her as he gently lowered her to the elongated seating area, only to slide his arm down to her ankles to lift them in the air as he used his other hand to lay her head full of curls on the pillow. She looked up at the man as he did this, the faint scents of sweat, sand, alcohol, and homemade soap beaming from him. He used bunched wool blankets to rest her feet, slowly allowing them to fall there. She grimaced as he let them go with his now blood-stained hand, causing his heart to involuntarily skip a beat.

He did not realize this. Even if he did, he would have ignored it as he treaded towards the kitchen area to place his over robes on the arms of the dining chairs, revealing his utility belt. Upon entering the walkway between the sink and counters that separated the dining table from the food preparation station, he saw the large puddle of blood soaking the ground and surrounding shards of glass. He had not seen this much blood since the war and this unsettled him. He washed his hands and found the bottle from his belt. Unraveling the flask of liquor, he took a big sip, allowing the alcohol to burn his anxieties down his throat. He had acquired some rags and opened a series of drawers seeking medical supplies he knew were unloaded from their ship into the house a few months ago. Finally uncovering them in a cupboard, he nearly leaped across the open room to her, her eyes closed as she took slow, deep breaths.

He grabbed something to sit on close to her feet as she opened her eyes, noting the medipack, rags, and the flask in his hand. But one other particular thing caught her widening eyes – his lightsaber. It took everything within her to not reveal a small smile from her lips, but he had read her note and took it with him after all!

“Now…” He situated himself and placed all the equipment he needed on the small caf table to look at her. Turning the lid to the flask open, he continued, “You are going to want to have a few sips of this, it will help with the pain.” He handed it towards her and she hesitantly obliged, taking it to her lips and taking one… two… three…. _four…_ sips! No matter how much it burned her throat and into her belly, she cleared her throat with a big sigh, wiping her mouth with her sleeve before handing it back to him. He, too, drank from it, knowing this was going to be a long night, “Now, I need to pour some of this on both of your feet to kill any bacteria to prevent infection before I start sewing you up… It’s going to hurt quite a bit.”

“I’ve had worse,” she chiefly grinned in response, “As long as I am able to have access to the alcohol, I think I will be able to survive.”

He unexpectedly laughed from her response, taking one more drink before he focused on her feet, “Well, it looks like you have five or six big cuts and several separate glass shards stuck in your feet on top of that… So, unfortunately, this will be a very long night because I need to remove all of the glass from your feet and sew the significant gashes up.”

She sighed in response to his words. He then lifted her feet to place rags under them to prevent the blood from seeping through and staining the blankets. “I was supposed to make dinner once you arrived home with the produce, not drop a glass bowl on my feet! I have never done such a thing. If I had only, not let whatever it was I felt completely consume my attention…” Obi-Wan then poured the alcohol on her feet, causing her to tense in pain, “Ah! That definitely stings.”

“Sorry… I should have informed you that I was going to do that.” He apologized before handing her the flask to sip from as he examined the shards and pieces etched into her skin.

Turning towards the kit, he opened it to find plenty of supplies… Except for bacta spray, which meant that she would have to naturally heal instead of using the spray to mostly heal the gashes on the spot. This was quite unfortunate, and he did not know how to tell her, so he figured that he could wait to inform her until she had a bit more hope and obviously some liquor in her system to take the news a bit better. Blast! He should have made sure they were stocked before they left Polis Massa all of those months ago. Grasping some tweezers, a roll of gauze, and a little bowl in the medipack, he turned towards her again.

“It is alright,” she reassured him with a sincere smile on her face, “I just hope you paid attention to this aspect of your training when you were a Padawan…”

He lifted an eyebrow at her with a subtle curl of his pink lips, “Are you doubting my capabilities as a Jedi, Padmé?”

“I have since the moment I met you, remember?” She giggled, taking another sip from the canister, releasing a big exhale as he started prodding with the cuts in her foot to find any glass.

He playfully shook his head, “Well, I did not know you were queen of an entire planet then… but I have thankfully learned to be humble since that experience.”

“You have always been quite humble, Obi-Wan.” She counteracted his statement in a nice way, “I just think you were trying to impress a handmaiden cleaning an astromech at the time.”

As she finished her surprising statement, Obi-Wan and found a piece of glass and pulled it out with the tweezers, causing her to flinch. The piece clinked in the bowl when he dropped it, then he carried on, ignoring the words that she had just said, more because he did not want to discuss his intentions any further and because she most definitely spoke the truth, the truth he did not want to acknowledge over thirteen years later. So he continued to look at her feet until the suns had set, causing the hut to darken with the arrival of the night. There were not many light sources in the hut, except for a few light fixtures and the hearth that could illuminate the entire room.

Despite her discomfort after Obi-Wan’s lack of response to her words, she called out to him once again, “Obi-Wan, I think it would be a good idea to start a fire so you’re able to see more clearly.”

He nodded his head in agreement to her suggestion, “Alright.” He placed the tweezers in the bowl before standing to examine the fireplace. He loaded the flammable materials in the hearth before turning to find a source to ignite them into flames.

Before he could stand, Padmé lifted her hips under her robes to meddle with something concealed. After undoing something from her robes, she lifted a small silver blaster from the shadows, handing it to Obi-Wan. Seeing the familiar weapon took him by a surprise, and it was most definitely a welcome one. He reached out his hand to take it from her, but she lifted the Nubian blaster to shoot perfectly at the papers and coals, only that the blast was merely a couple of inches away from his head, the whooshing sound ringing in his ears from the unexpectedly startling action.

He turned at the blast to see the charred remnants with smoke, and then back at her with his blue eyes wider than she had even seen them before. “What?” She nonchalantly shrugged with a big smile on her face. “You shoot the flammables and blow on them. The oxygen will be fuel to start the fire.” Padmé’s blaster was still pointed at the hearth, where she gestured to the smoke with it.

He eventually turned around and blew on the carnage, only for flames to be born from the depth of the thick smoke, the small fire growing as more light radiated more and more of the small hut as each second passed. It crackled as the flames danced around the heart, causing the illuminating light to flicker around the room and across the woman’s face whose eyes stared endlessly into the light. The fire turned her coffee eyes into roasted embers, and he found himself not wanting to look away for a fraction of a second. But he continued to tend to her injuries as she watched the haunting lights. But Obi-Wan found himself back on Mustafar, watching his own brother screaming in the flames. As much as he wanted to push those traumatic memories at the back of his head, they kept following him everywhere he went. The woman Anakin deeply loved was right in front of him, yet showed no remorse and he wondered why that hurt him more, why he had allowed her to exist in a universe at such times as this. With these feelings, he was able to conceal them on the outside, but this did not prevent Padmé from sensing them, because she did and it hurt her to witness.

“You’re upset,” she breathed lightly, her voice barely audible as he took a couple more pieces out from her foot.

With the high-pitched clink of the pieces on the bowl, he turned to meet her eyes again, trying to hide his confusion and pain. “I assure you that I am fine.”

He could not even assure himself that he was fine, but somehow she knew exactly what he was feeling and that left him feeling exposed.

“Really?” She crooked her head to look at the man, his copper hair glowing against the lights of the hearth. “… Because I sense darkness swimming in you. Do you think I dropped that bowl on accident? That I did not think I could feel your suffering from a few kilometers away?”

Her words were quite unexpected, as he did not realize that she could sense the feelings and emotions he had spent so much time learning how to tuck away into the endless mazes of the shadows. It was as if she could see straight through him, and it was terrifying, knowing that someone he considered a good friend knew him more than himself at times.

As much as he wanted to say something, he could not find the words.

She sighed, taking another sip out of the flask before she spoke once more, “I do not think I will ever understand what you have been through, but I want you to know that I will always be there for you. You can talk to me, Obi-Wan, and I know we are alone here. But _we_ don’t have to move forward alone.”

“I know,” he bellowed under his breath just loud enough for her to hear as he continued to remove more and more glass. “I just feel so guilty.”

“And that guilt is valid in every sense, but you must understand that this all was not your fault…” She trailed off into her thoughts, only to realize where she was mentally when they first arrived here. Reality unexpectedly slapped her in the face when she realized how angry she was at the man helping her now, the hate burning in the catacombs of her chest for her former husband’s demise only to realize that if she was going to tell him that it was not his fault, she also had to take a step forward. There was a sense of tension buried in her throat, something that was very difficult to swallow. But she knew deep down in her heart that she forgave him, even when she did not even acknowledge it when she most certainly should have. And now they were both here, still hurting more than ever, and with this pain, she knew they could not take any steps forward until she expressed her feelings.

Even when Obi-Wan did not respond to her words, she watched him taking piece after piece out from her still bleeding feet, and minutes passed as the crackling of the fire continued to ravenously burn, just like the alcohol in her stomach. During this time, she had meticulously gone through the words she wanted to say, but the Former Senator who was so well-versed in the realms of public speaking and was renown in the galaxy for being able to get her point across was completely stumped. Gulping the tension away in her throat, she cleared it as the Jedi continued searching for glass.

He was definitely more than halfway done, but there was still much to be finished after this grueling process. Obi-Wan did not respond to his friend because she had said those words just a couple of days before, and although they were not meaningless, he knew that it was not enough in this very moment to reassure him, to continue guiding him forward. However, he did not know what this entailed.

Padmé Amidala understood that sometimes crafting words, although helps one be prepared for a situation, can inhibit the tangibility of organically speaking words from one’s heart, which was why she opened her mouth in the midst of their long, awkward silence. “I –…” He stopped what he was doing to look at her, “I cannot begin to emphasize how I cannot and will never understand to relate to what you have gone through over these past few years. However, I have cast much of my pain and anger from my sudden losses on you, Obi-Wan. We both fought difficult battles and feel overwhelmingly defeated, and in the midst of my defeat, I let my emotions inhibit me from opening my eyes from the realities we had to face during our first several weeks here. I was short with you. I hid from you whenever it was possible. I bottled up all of this anger and hate towards you when I thought you killed Anakin and purposefully took my children away, when in reality I was angry at myself for allowing all of those things to happen when I was fully capable of preventing them. For that, Obi-Wan, I gravely apologize for acting rash and childish toward you. I have been able to sense how my actions have affected you and despite all of that... you did what was best for me… even when I wished to never live another day. You never gave up on me. I thank you for having a gracious and tender heart when mine was dark and cold… Thank you…” She whispered to him, her eyes never leaving his own as he processed her confessions, her apologies, her gratefulness.

“You do not need to thank me…” He turned away from her and placed the tweezers in the bowl brimming with glass pieces. There was this warmth (that was most certainly not from the fire) in him, nagging at his chest as he tried not to smile from her words. For what they were worth, they were enough for him…. For now…. “It is merely what friends do, Padmé.”

She profusely shook her head to protest his remark, “No… Obi-Wan…. Friends do not hate or seethe in anger towards another. Friends do not ignore the other’s existence. Friends don’t –.”

“Yet you have also helped me in more ways than I can possible fathom, Padmé. Like the other evening… even leaving food ready for me to eat this morning. It is this balance you are able to maintain, even well after falling to the other side at times, and it is in these moments I still struggle with the concept. I have been able to understand much more because of you.” He reached his bloody hand out for the flask and she handed it to him. Taking a sip he continued, “I do appreciate your apology. Your ability to see your faults and take responsibility for them shows much strength and for that I fully accept your apology.”

She looked down at her hands and up at him. “How long have we actually been here?”

“Given the length of Tatooine days, I say just over seven Coruscanti months…” He inhaled deeply, only to release a subtle sigh.

She did not realize how much time had passed, and how little there was in the grand scheme of things. “I am sorry it took that long for me to apologize to you, for me to realize my ill treatment towards you.”

“No, no…” He sat up straight to look into the flames in her eyes, almost mirroring the flames that had engulfed Anakin’s body all of those months ago. It seemed as if she felt like it had taken her an eternity to express this, and this somehow troubled him. “Now, things are better.”

“Are they?” She sincerely questioned him to gain some sort of validity.

“For us, yes. For me, it is a work in progress.” He found himself smiling at his words sarcastically, finding it quite ridiculous.

She pushed a few curls behind her ear before she responded to him, “It is okay to feel this guilt, you know. Acknowledging your own emotions and feelings takes much courage and strength, almost comparable to being in a battlefield full of hundreds of battle droids.” Her smile grew with each and every word, making him wonder where this was coming from.

“But a Jedi is not supposed to gallant with their emotions, it makes us weak.”

She nodded her head, her eyebrows tight, and eyes serious, “Sure, emotions make everyone weak. Yet they also make us strong as well. And this is where they balance you having been so strongly emphasizing comes into consideration and plays a significant role.”

“I just… I just don’t know where to begin.” He tilted his head back to allow the alcohol to smoothly run down his throat.

“I think this is where your Master could help,” she suggested unexpectedly, taking Obi-Wan by much, much surprise.

Widening his eyes, “How do you know that I am able to communicate with Qui-Gon?” He asked.

Another smile found her lips, sparkles reaching her eyes as she took a deep breath, “I do not really know how to explain it. You know how I can feel your pain?” Obi-Wan nodded his head in response, wanting to know the answer to her question. “I just somehow…. _Knew_ I felt it _._ ”

“Interesting…” He turned towards her feet with the open flask in toll. “This will hurt,” he poured a smaller splash of the alcohol on her wounds again, disinfecting them after he prodded with them.

She clenched her fists as he did this, whilst also biting deeply into her lower lip.

“It certainly helps with the pain in another retrospect,” she commented on his actions and her consuming the liquor.

Knowing he would have to tell her eventually, he realized this would probably be the best time. “Well, Padmé… You must drink up, because we do not have any bacta spray, which means even after I stich some of your deeper wounds up, you must heal naturally…”

The woman blinked, unfazed. “That is rather unfortunate, but I will live.”

For now.

“You do know it will be fairly painful….”

“If I can endure nexu wounds while fighting in the first battle of the Clone Wars _and_ surviving that fall, I can do anything, Obi-Wan.”

He turned towards the kit to find anything to numb her feet before starting the process. But to no avail… Standing from his place, he handed her the drink and took all the soiled rags and supplies to the kitchen to wash for later and then scrubbed his hands. After this, he searched in the cabinet and found the larger bottle of alcohol and took it with him.

She had drifted a bit when he returned to her, noting her exhaustion of being prodded with and also doing much of the chores the previous day. Placing the large bottle on the now cluttered caf table, the sound of the glass woke her from her daze, causing her to meet his eyes again. Obi-Wan looked down uncomfortably before taking a seat to find the needles and dissolvable thread.

“I brought more for us, because I have plenty of stitching to do on both of your feet…” He stated, referring to the blue glowing liquor beside him.

She giggled, “How many incisions are you stitching up, Kenobi?”

Tilting his head to the side, “Well…. At least five… and one of them on your right foot is elongated, which could take a considerable amount of time.”

“Thankfully, I drank some caf this afternoon.” She carefully sat up as to not move her feet. “So I can stay up a bit longer.”

And he started working, the pain was fairly uncomfortable as she balled her fists and bit down on her lip, her muscles convulsing.

“Blast!” She cursed under her breath.

He briefly turned his head towards her, his orange strands of hair rustling in front of his forehead, “I heard that.”

“You think I wanted to keep my profanities to myself?” She quipped back at him, her voice shaking as he completed yet another stitch.

“Not… necessarily.” He sarcastically replied as he finished yet another stich and moved on to the next one, “It took me be surprise, especially knowing you in both personal and professional contexts.”

She rolled her eyes, the alcohol seeming to get to her as time wore on. “Well, I’m surprised it took you approximately seven months for you to truly understand that I am no longer a politician, thus any remarks that lack any sense of professionalism should no longer be unexpected.”

“Just because you are no longer a politician does not mean you should stop thinking like one,” he suggested to her as she continued to wince from the pain, he gently found himself caressing her foot softly, trying to sooth the pain through the Force in any way he could.

She noticed this, no she felt it….

✦✦✦

Suddenly she was pregnant again; her airways close to being crushed, barely conscious on a cot in her Nubian ship, where her two companion droids watched her closely. She felt numb, completely empty, yet through the lethargy she also was able to sense the intense pain of her shattered heart and her neck, as the gold eyes of the man she loved haunted her continuously. Yet despite all of this brokenness, she still wanted to make sure that he was alright, because deep down she knew that he could come back and he would be able to see the light again.

“I don’t know Artoo,” Threepio bellowed, “We must wait for Master Kenobi to return….”

A series of somber beeps from the astromech soon followed, for Padmé was his first true companion and he knew something was seriously wrong.

She faded in and out as the droids anxiously conversed with each other, not until the familiar, calloused fingers found her cheek, where there was an overwhelming sense of warmth beaming from the figure next to her – she could taste the light, it was so close yet it had faded drastically and she could acknowledge the guilt and bitterness.

“Where is Anakin? Is he alright?” She barely whispered before drifting into unconsciousness.

Little did she know that he whispered, “I am so sorry…” Over and over again as the ship cruised through the dark depths of space, where he would check on her and caress her face, lightly touch her shoulder, trying to soothe her through the Force as he witnessed the pain in her unconscious facial expressions only for the hardened lines to fade and relax upon his touch.

He asked Threepio and Artoo to watch the controls of the ship as he watched her silently, for she did not know he was there with her, trying to soothe her in any way he could. Anakin thought he had turned Padmé against him, and based on the structure of his words, he probably thought that Padmé and Obi-Wan had feelings for each other. While at the time, that was not the case, their friendship was strong, genuine, sincere, and they both knew they trusted each other more than they could trust Anakin – and the simple acknowledgement spoke volumes.

Palpatine must have known this and used this fact to seduce his new apprentice.

The exiled Jedi sighed, observing her face again and then her swollen belly.

One of the most compassionate, intelligent sentients in the galaxy did not deserve this, not at all.

And it hurt him.

It seemed like days had passed, but the voice of the sometimes annoying droid snapped him from his daze.

“Master Kenobi,” Threepio cut in, catching him watching her, causing him to jump, “I am sorry to interrupt, but we are arriving very shortly.”

“Thank you….” He looked at the paled woman one last time before he stood to help with the landing mechanisms.

He jumped from his seat the moment they landed on the rock and went to the back of the ship to retrieve the woman who was too weak to walk, let alone move. He gathered her in his arms and held the woman close to his chest as to soothe her through the Force. Bail Organa ran out to him, happy to see his face but disheartened to see the state of his dear friend.

“Follow me,” the Senator gestured to the entrance with his hand, “Quickly…”

The two droids followed behind the humans, walking quickly with the woman in toll, he realized how sore and broken his body was from the events that had occurred before arriving there. He did not even have the time to fully process what had happened, and after those couple seconds of realization passed, he completely focused on the nearly lifeless pregnant woman in his arms.

The process of getting her medical attention was a blur. He had to explain to the Senator, Master Yoda, and the medical droids what had happened before they took her. Yet, before they took her to be prodded and attached to machinery for tests, a sudden, overwhelming feeling erupted with him – he could not quite explain it, but this caused him to speak.

“She won’t be comfortable lying down with her hair braided like that….” He stated a matter-of-factly, causing Master Yoda to turn to Kenobi with a sense of curiosity in his eyes, but he said nothing.

Bail Organa nodded his head in agreement, “The medical droids should take care of that…” He replied with confidence in his voice.

But somehow, for some overarching reasoning he still could not explain, he would not have it. “No. I will do it. Please leave us.”

Before turning away through the doorway, the esteemed Alderaanian senator turned towards the broken Jedi with a sense of empathy in his eyes stating, “She trusts you more than anyone… I just thought you should know.”

Obi-Wan nodded his head, closing his pale blue eyes before opening them with a thankful smile on his closed lips, “Thank you, Senator.”

He subtly bowed before turning on his heel, leaving him with Senator Amidala, her eyes closed, breaths shallow, olive-like skin completely paled.

Seeing her like this really broke him, and he could somehow feel the life draining from her before he could even admit it.

“I am so, so sorry, Padmé.” He whispered as he placed his hands on the back of her head and against her pillow.

And slowly, he untied her hair and took out the grouped braids, one-by-one, admiring Dormé’s handiwork as he unwound her dark, caf-colored hair, running his rough fingers through the silky strands to make sure that there were no knots. Each movement he made was with purpose and sincerity, his touch on her head was so gentle and light, as to be sure not to hurt her. When her long hair was completely undone, he ran his fingers through it one more time, almost as if this was his way of saying goodbye, as he sensed he would be going into exile far, far away. He delicately lowered her head back on the pillow and moved a strand of hair behind her ear.

Placing his hand on her shoulder, he placed a light, tangible kiss on her forehead where in that moment she opened her eyes that quickly filled with tears.

She finally began to sob the moment the door closed after he left the room.  
  


✦✦✦

They both remembered.

She remembered this touch all of those months ago on Polis Massa and could have sworn she was dreaming, but… that was most definitely not the case.

Much time had passed as they dwelled in their thoughts while Obi-Wan continued to tend to her wounds. He was on the last of the five or so stitches and she had grown quite tired. But she remembered the pain she felt then… and earlier today and wondered.

“You used your lightsaber today…. Didn’t you….” She half-stated as if she knew, but still posed a question at the same time.

Obi-Wan briefly stopped what he was doing for just a small moment to look up at her and meet her eyes before he looked back down at her feet, almost as if he was ashamed. “How did you…”

“I can sense these things…” She answered his unfinished question. “It was like I could almost hear the blade crashing against something and I could feel the anger.”

He sighed, “It was the first time I had used it in so long… and that was how I decided to use it, out of sheer, unaltered anger… I am an utter failure…”

She looked down at her hands and back up at him, seeing the glow of the fire radiate off of him, “I want you to look at me, Obi-Wan.” She sat up and took his face into her hands, “And I want you to listen to me very carefully…. To be angry is not a failure; it is a direct result of coping with something that is far greater than you could have possibly been able to control.”

He took a swig from the big bottle, because they had finished the flask, “Jedi are supposed to steer clear from anger.”

“But repressing it like this won’t solve your problems, Obi-Wan. Please… let me help you.”

“You’re no Jedi…”

Padmé was quite appalled at that generalized remark, “So… we non-Force wielders cannot help those who can?”

“No, Padmé, that’s not what I am saying… I –“

The woman was about to move her hands away from him, but the abrupt change in warmth and calmness in his body gave him the indication that there was something more with that touch. But he placed his hands on hers to prevent them from moving.

“Padmé, what were you just doing?” He asked.

She looked puzzled, confused as to why she was being asked this. “I don’t know, I was trying to comfort you…”

“Look…” He released her hands and leaned closer to her, “I did not mean what I said, I just… I can do this on my own.”

“The last time a Jedi told me that, he ended up murdering innocent men, women, and children…” She nearly barked at him. “I know you would never do the same, but such arrogance could lead you down a path I know you do not want to ever follow.”

She was right, even though he did not want to drag her into this, she was right.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath before he spoke, “Okay… But before you help me I need to finish these last couple of stiches and for you to rest.”

“Deal…” She responded with a grin on her face, she extended her hand to him only to see that it was tainted with her blood from his hands.

He took it in his own hands, where he gladly embraced it with such warmth before releasing her. They both found themselves trying to hide the blush on their cheeks and they both turned away from each other before she grabbed the bottle and he sanitized his hands to return to work.

And they sat in silence, the fire burning, the alcohol simmering, repressed emotions boiling despite the fact that they tried their best to avoid them.

“Done!” He exclaimed as he cut the thread and quickly bandaged her feet where he could. He finally stood from his seat to stretch his sore muscles.

Her eyes were slightly drooping from the prolonged silence, the soothing sounds of the fire, and the liquor. But they perked open from his word and her grin woke her body from her exhaustion, “Thank you, Obi-Wan.” She found the room spinning around her, and suddenly she realized that she was quite drunk.

“No need to thank me, I just wanted to help.” He smiled at her, her wild curls and the fire causing her to glow.

“And for that, I am very grateful.” She nodded her head almost drunkenly. She tried to reach for the bottle but nearly fell over before Obi-Wan caught her in his arms. She giggled in her now more obvious stupor… He had never really seen her completely intoxicated before; maybe she snuck sips without him looking. She usually had a very high tolerance and he knew she rivaled him and Anakin in terms of her ability to consume alcohol without getting drunk and having a hangover the next morning. But he soon realized that she did not have any supper and had also lost a lot of blood.

Holding her close to him, their faces were startlingly close and they could feel their own hot breaths on their faces. The woman continued to lightly giggle as he hoisted her tiny frame in his arms.

“Alright, that’s it, Amidala. No more alcohol for you this evening.” He walked away from the living space and near the bedroom door that resided to the left of the adobe staircase that led to the cliff and rocks behind the hut.

The woman pouted at him, “But Obi-Wan!!!”

“Now, now… You will thank me for this later.” He attempted to reason with her.

This was comical, to say the least.

“But the night is so young!” She nearly sang at the top of her lungs, “The fire is sooo pretty!”

And she looked up at him in his arms, seeing the firelight beaming from behind his head as he profusely shook it, causing her to blurt out, “Obi-Wan, you’re so handsome…..” She grinned childishly before she started stroking his beard.

 _Handsome?!_ He screamed at himself internally.

Kenobi moved her hands away from him as he walked into their darkened room. “Now, Padmé, if it takes you whatever ungodly amount of drinks in you to say that I’m handsome… well….”

“My handmaidens talked about you _all_ the time.” She laughed and laughed and laughed from her unfiltered confession. “I always ignored them, of course, but I must say they were right.”

“Right about what?” He asked as he put her on the mattress and covered her with the wool blankets and duvet up to her chin.

She lifted her hand from under the blankets, all remnants of her joy and laughter completely absent from her face. Her warm palm was pressed to his cheek, and suddenly he felt this wave of intense emotions he could not necessarily place and suddenly he saw two younger humans drinking wine on the evening he had saved her from that fall… “Maybe it should have been you.” Her voice was calm, but firm and serious.

He was completely torn from the words that had left her mouth. What was she talking about? Maybe she was too drunk to even realize that she was even speaking, which was something she probably would regret later, but stars… Him and her? He had already established that would not work _years_ ago, and he remembered the brokenness in her eyes after he had said that, but now? 

Still?

“You need to rest, milady…” He whispered before removing her hand from his face and moved it under the covers.

She shook her head as her curls bounced with the movement, “I told you not to –“

But he kissed her forehead, causing her to stumble on her words and then her eyes drifted closed where she fell into a deep, dreamless, undisturbed slumber.

Obi-Wan wanted to watch her to make sure she was alright, but he knew there was a huge mess that needed to be cleaned. After packing the medipack and supplies in the living space, he took another sip from the big bottle before putting it away in the kitchen, where the next challenge needed to be completed. Before wiping down the bloodied floor, he somehow had this instinctive voice calling out to him. There were no words, but he heard it, heard it enough to slip the holoprojector comlink device out of his robes and take a sample of the blood that remained there with a little mechanism that poked outside of the communication device, much like what Qui-Gon had on Tatooine all those years ago. When he put it away, he quickly swept the glass and scrubbed the floor to make it look like nothing had happened and all of it was completely spotless.

He collected and organized the objects he got from town in the cooking and living spaces before he would bring the rest of the items into the basement. He grabbed his robes to bring with him as well before venturing down into the darkened room. Illuminating the light, he saw that Padmé had organized the room and had even installed some programs and extra fixtures on their ever evolving computing system. Placing the new items for the hydroponic garden, vaporators, computers, and tools on the workspace table in the middle of the room, he immediately took his device out from his robes and sent the data to the computer.

Powering the machinery on, he took a deep breath before the notification of the quick analysis blinked on the screen. He hesitantly clicked it and the screen flashed before his eyes.

The holoprojector slipped from his hands and clanked against the hard, dusty floor. But he did not move for several seconds.

Before he was able to process the results, he quickly donned his dark robes and placed the shadowed hood over his head, pressing the buttons and typing in some commands, before the familiar logo from his old friend appeared as a hologram before him. Quickly pressing the button to transmit the communication signal to the one person he trusted, he made sure the hood covered most of his face.

Senator Bail Organa was visible in front of him, confused as to why Obi-Wan was communicating to him now.

“This is Fulcrum,” the Jedi spoke clearly with no accent, knowing his voice was also altered to make sure the Empire could not detect them, “I just did an analysis on my ‘guest’s’ blood, their midi-chlorian count is over ten thousand.”

He was appalled, “Ten thousand?! It was not that high seven months ago.”

Obi-Wan nodded, truly not knowing what to say…. “I know.”

✦✦✦


	12. Eleven ✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. This isn't much but I hope you enjoy it. It's a precursor for what is to come next.

Obi-Wan could not sleep that evening. In fact, after speaking to Bail Organa about how many of the members in the Delegation of 2000 were murdered or have gone missing, which gave Obi-Wan the indication that Palpatine and his apprentice were probably behind these sudden deaths and disappearances of prominent Senators. What made matters worse was the fact that these vacant positions that opened were being filled with those who wholeheartedly supported the Empire, which mean that the once somewhat large group of Senators who opposed Palpatine and his overwhelming executive powers was dwindling and it seemed that they were at a standstill in terms of moving forward. This made Obi-Wan particularly uneasy, because the change he so desperately wanted to see would not happen for quite some time, and at the end of the day he felt that many of the burdens behind the events that led to the rise of the Empire were his fault.

_I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you…_

Yet there were also some particularly interesting aspects of the woman that lay fast asleep on her back, deep in slumber from the painkillers and the overwhelming amounts of alcohol that she had consumed despite the fact that she had lost a lot of blood. She lost quite a lot, enough for Obi-Wan to sample it to find the answer that he somehow had known for quite some time. He always knew that she was somehow sensitive to the Force for all the years he had known her – almost fourteen years to be specific – and yet, now, she was more sensitive and connected to the Force more than ever. He wondered how this could be, considering that they took her midi-chlorian count right before she birthed the twins, yet now… there was something different and he wanted the answers.

However, he desperately wanted the answers to the words that Padmé had spoken to him several hours ago, as the twin suns were threatening to rise over the horizons, the suns that would bring light to the secrets and unacknowledged emotions that have been concealed under the blankets covering the woman and even him. It was cold, quite cold, the kind of chill that would leave your skin smooth, but numb to the point where the bitterness could reach your bones. He found himself shivering under the layers of thick blankets and his wool robes, but remained completely still as the memories they both shared quickly past his sub-consciousness – the moment they met on her ship, the stolen moments they spent on their commlinks (one of which he slipped to her to keep in touch while on Tatooine), her explaining how Qui-Gon managed to get the hyperdrive for the ship because of the boy, standing next to her as they watched his Master burn to ashes where she briefly grasped his hand to give him a sense of comfort, the large smile she gave him in her bright white dress on Freedom Day, the caf they shared afterwards as they fell asleep talking about their lives, their dreams, their visions for the universe. And Obi-Wan Kenobi, the man who loved Satine more than anyone, found himself involuntarily smiling at their memories together, the moment that he caught her from her fall, riding closely in his cockpit, that steamy evening, seeing her again and their hushed whispers when Anakin was speaking with Jar Jar.

But, inevitably, there was pain there, too. Pain that prompted her to fall in love with Anakin and for him to drift towards Satine. It was well beyond the Clone Wars, of course. Yet when Padmé had whispered that her handmaidens spoke highly of him and wanted her to be with him, and that she had even considered it to the point where she had envisioned what life would be like if she had not fallen for Anakin. Which, to back up for a moment, she did because she had spent so many years dedicated to her work and politics, surrounded by men who would undermine her abilities and intelligence, who saw her as an object for their own pleasure, but to have a man look at her like she was an actual human being with feelings, hopes, desires, dreams despite their differences was what drew her to him, because despite their worst moments, they still saw the light in each other. For a Senator who had constructed walls so strong and tall that no one could break them, he had already been in her life before she pushed people away, whether she liked it or not. Obi-Wan did not necessarily know this, of course, but what he did know was that his actions prompted her to harden her heart not only towards him but to seek out relationship with someone who was less reserved, and she wanted someone devoted, someone who did not hold themselves back.

Shivering, Obi-Wan released a big sigh, knowing that he had made many mistakes not pursuing more things with Satine before he had met Padmé and… when the opportunity finally arose for him to pursue something with the former Queen and Senator, he found himself restricted to the bounds of the Jedi Code, for he was scared that he would grow attached, that all these years he had spent with the Jedi Order and the fact that he did not go with Satine when he should have left him completely trapped. She was dead, her life stolen right before his eyes, his Padawan and brother was simmering in darkness and evil, and the woman next to him? He did not _want_ to allow anyone to get close to him again because of all the pain that would ensue.

Yet in a way, he had experienced this pain with her years ago. He wondered if he regretted it, or if it was right… Gods… He did not know, how could he have? And suddenly he found himself just like the human sleeping next to him, wondering what could have been if they were able to make the decisions all over again, leading Obi-Wan to the very moment where he made the decision that changed everything and their relationship.

✦✦✦

Obi-Wan’s mind was swimming in the thoughts and sensations of the passionate touches he had experienced the previous evening, groggy after staying up the entire night to wander around the perimeter of the Senator’s apartment to ensure her safety after her kidnapping… er- also assassination attempt. When he was not thinking about the safety of the Senator or the fact that he desperately needed a cup of caf to get through the day of reporting to the Council and later interacting with his teenaged Padawan, he was thinking of _her_ – her wild curls, her ivory silk nightgown, the sweetness of her skin he kissed, the feeling of her breasts and the warmth between her legs on his lips, hypnotized with her dark eyes and Nabooian nectar wine, and for god’s sake… her smile.

He had a lot of meditating to do. And every time the thoughts of _her_ crossed his mind, it took everything within him to divert his mind elsewhere to prevent the visible hardness of his crotch.

He never had issues with self-control like this, ever.

Well, this was probably due to the fact that his ‘training partner’ had not come to him in a very long time, because there was never really anything in the Jedi code that said that other Jedi could not help each other with their needs. He never lied. In fact, he had never kissed her or anyone before… until Padmé of course, but he chose not to share that piece of information unless it was necessary. He was not even attracted to his ‘training partner,’ nor was she to him, but she seemed to have found someone better for her, despite the fact that attachment involved with the new partner, but everyone else kept it under wraps. And after about a year or so, Obi-Wan desperately needed to get laid – but not with someone he was undeniably attracted to after all of these years later.

He could only see himself breaking the Jedi code for Satine, despite the fact that he was undeniably guilty about the concept. And after all of these years, that’s what he would tell himself over and over and over again as he would think about her with his hand down his pants _if_ he had down time. But the tension was still there and he did not know if he would be able to contain himself if he saw her again.

After making his way to the Temple and the dining hall, they were just about finished with breakfast where the last of the Jedi and older Padawans were finishing their porridge and fruit. But Obi-Wan wasn’t necessarily hungry (well… he was specifically for one thing, but we already know that right?) so he quickly darted to the caf cart to the side of the large room with overly tall ceilings where the myriad of voices would echo. Snagging a mug, he filled it to the brim, the pitch of the liquid filling the cup growing higher and higher as the steam and aroma enveloped him, causing him to sigh with relief. Blowing on the steam before he took a sip, he looked up to see a green friend watching him at a secluded table in the corner. But the man took a big sip, the caffeinated beverage being a bit too hot for his taste, causing him to almost flinch, but he kept walking, his boots clapping against the polished floors as he quickly paced past the columns with the mug in his hand, hoping to walk out the doorway without anyone noticing.

However, being a Jedi, things never go as planned…

“Master Kenobi, Temple mug you have in your hand, do you not?” Obi-Wan turned to find Master Yoda staring at him curiously in the distance, knowing that he was referring to the rule that dishes were not to be removed from the dining hall.

Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders, “It was another long evening, Master.” The esteemed Jedi responded with a smile on his lips, knowing he would have to speak with the Council within the next half hour and that he wanted to sit in his room to prepare for his briefing, being the perfectionist that he is. Sound familiar?

“Sit, sit, young one,” Yoda gestured to the empty spaces around him, but his words caused Kenobi to smirk, because in the grand scheme of things he was old from a standpoint, but compared to the being in front of him, he understood.

The Jedi walked towards him and cautiously slid into a spot, sipping his coffee as Yoda studied him carefully, almost as if he was analyzing his appearance, emotions, even thoughts. But he found solace in the beverage in front of him and concentrated on it as the famous Jedi Master continued to watch him with the staff in his tiny hands. He felt the warmth of the beverage in his empty stomach, knowing that the acidity would bother him later, but he felt more alive than he did just a few minutes ago and that was enough for now.

Obi-Wan decided to break the silence after swallowing yet another gulp of coffee, “Senator Amidala is safe now, Master. During the little time I had overlooking the perimeter; I was able to link the descriptions of the speeder and the passengers to the Trade Federation yet again. It seems that they have this grudge against her that they cannot seem to let go…”

Yoda nodded his head, “Yes… Yes… Distracted yourself from the concerning subject at-hand, you did… Yes… Yes…” The old, green, wrinkly Master started chuckling under his breath. “In danger the Senator was, but safe she will be for now by the will of the Force.”

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes carefully, wondering what Master Yoda meant by being ‘distracted’ by the ‘concerning subject at-hand’ and the laugh that soon followed. But he could not have known, unless he foresaw it somehow, which could be possible. Yet their unexpected encounter was merely by chance, completely spontaneous. It was not every day that he would stop by Dex’s diner for some Jawa juice and fried tuber sticks. And it was most definitely not common for him to run into Senator Amidala, especially given the underlying circumstances that led them to the predicament they were in less than twelve hours ago…

Yoda’s high pitched laugh distracted him from his thoughts yet again. Taking another sip of caf, he continued to speak, “Thinking about her again, are you?” Obi-Wan almost spat his caf in the Master’s face, which would have set him back from being in the running to be considered for membership on the Jedi Council for _years_.

Obi-Wan curtly shook his head. “No… No, Master.” The copper-haired man smiled under his beard. “I am just thinking about how Senator Amidala knew when to jump off of the speeder when she did. If I was not there at the right place and time, she would have perished.”

Yoda narrowed his eyes at him, deep in thought. “Right you are, young Kenobi. Leads us to do mysterious things, the Force does.” He nodded his head, his tone a matter-of-factly. “Yes…”

Obi-Wan finished the rest of his caf, the throbbing of his head tempting him for more. “I don’t understand, Master Yoda…”

Yoda stood up from his raised stool and plopped down to the ground with the wooded staff in his hands and he started walking away, leaving Obi-Wan nearly speechless as he walked away. “Fully understand the will of the Force we cannot…” He turned to Obi-Wan with a smirk on his lips, “But plans the Force has for _your_ dear Senator.”

And he slowly walked away, leaving Obi-Wan boiling just like the caf in his stomach.

Master Yoda carefully eyed Kenobi when he briefed Master Windu of his whereabouts at Senator Amidala’s apartment, giving the full details and explaining that it was indeed behind the acts of the Trade Federation, if not, something bigger, something they did not see coming other than the fact that it seemed like multiple star systems were threatening to leave the Republic if they did not meet demands. It was a complicated situation, but it seemed for now that Senator Amidala was safe, according to Obi-Wan who meditated over it for ten minutes (it could have been longer, but he desperately needed to consume two more mugs of caf) and Master Yoda who pondered on the situation while meditating for three hours early this morning. Before he was dismissed, Master Windu suggested that he check back in with the Senator since he left her residence before she rose in the morning and that he not mention this to anyone other than those directly involved and the Council, which meant Anakin could not know.

Bowing to everyone in the circular room, he took his leave, hoping that he would not run into Anakin as he darted throughout the monstrous temple, looking around to see if his Padawan was anywhere to be found. And when he thought he was safe, the teenager stepped out from behind a pillar, nearly startling the Jedi Teacher and causing him to take a huge step back.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan raised his voice in surprise, “What in the blazes are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be studying the Outer Rim planetary systems and their cultures during this hour?” Obi-Wan checked the time on the comlink attached to his wrist.

The boy shrugged, his hair short and the Padawan braid resting over his shoulder, “I grew up in the Outer Rim, remember, Master?” He jeered at him sarcastically, “Besides, I’d rather practice dueling with you.”

Obi-Wan merely sighed and placed his fingers on his temples with his hand over his face, trying to soothe the headache due to his lack of sleep. “I don’t have time at the moment, Anakin.”

“What?” The boy questioned him curiously. “You are usually helping the younger Padawans with their language studies at this hour…”

Obi-Wan kept walking towards the landing pads of the Temple as his apprentice scampered along with him by his side, “Yes, I know, Anakin. But Master Secura is quite capable of teaching them during my absence. I have direct orders from the Jedi Council, so I must be on my way…”

They had finally arrived to the hangar where their ships and speeders were stored, filled with repairers and droids. Anakin had a look of suspicion on his face, but he quickly let it slide, “But –.”

Kenobi briefly placed his hand on his tall Padawan’s shoulder, “ _But_ … you have direct orders from me to go back to the Temple Library and continue your studies just as I asked. Understood?”

The boy sighed, looking down at his feet in defeat before looking up at his Master, “Yes, Master…” But the boy had a feeling that his Master was indeed hiding something from him.

“If you are able to get through three star systems before dinner, then we can work on some technique when I return… Deal?”

The boy grinned at him with a smile bigger than any sun, “Deal.”

Obi-Wan nodded, knowing that the boy still desperately wanted to see the woman he was about to see, but it was better left unsaid, especially since he was still childishly in love with her all of these years later. “See you then…” And the Master turned on his heels and sped away to her apartment only a couple of kilometers away.

When he had arrived on her landing pad, she had guards at the entrance of her apartment from the veranda that would let him in to a room full of frantic handmaidens running about with books and holopads in their hands as others scrambled with piles of dresses in their arms. Captain Typho silently nodded at him as he exited the sunlit veranda and entered the living space where he was sitting where those series of events had previously occurred. But the Senator was nowhere to be seen as he looked around to the kitchen to find a handmaiden cooking but it was empty. Someone brushed past him as he continued to make his way into the apartment he did not want to return to.

“Master Kenobi…” The Captain greeted him to stand from the couch. “What brings you here?”

Obi-Wan had found that it was quite hot in there, not because of the temperature of the thermostat, but because his palms were hot and sweaty and the anxiety and nervousness made him realize it was quite difficult to breathe. Biting his bottom lip, he made his way to the Captain with a slight bow and smile.

“I was sent here by the Council to check on the Senator and see if she is alright.” The Jedi responded, knowing that there were drops of sweat slithering down his back as he did his very best to contain himself.

“She is resting in her room before she has another emergency session in about an hour.” He responded before gesturing to her room as he walked that way, knocking on the sliding door. “Senator, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi is here to see you.”

The woman sat up from her bed, completely taken aback by surprise and the fact that she was just lounging in a silk robe as her hair was in a half updo in a braided bun at the top of her head and makeup was not done, leaving her face completely bare. “Oh! Just give me on moment please, Captain.” Jumping to the floor in a panic, she sprinted to her closet to quickly find an Alderaanian silk dress that would suit her just fine without any undergarments. It was a wrap dress, where she put it on like a robe and tied it up with lovely braided knots… and the hair… well… She jolted to the refresher to powder her face, apply red lipstick, and apply some lash paint. Staring in the mirror, she nearly wanted to cry from her appearance, but whispered to herself that she was pretty before scampering to the door to unlock it and press the button for it to slide open, revealing the tall, broad-shouldered, bearded Jedi with deep blue eyes smirking at her…

Clearing her throat she greeted the overly handsome man, “Master Kenobi, a pleasure to see you stop by.”

He revealed his teeth as he walked in to her room, the door sliding shut behind him, leaving them both alone. “Is it?” He asked sarcastically.

She blushed, “Well… Of course.”

He nodded his head, “Indeed…” There was a long pause and silence as they both stood there awkwardly – her looking down at her feet and occasionally catching a glance only to remember their previous encounter as he watched her, for she had somehow grown more beautiful and he loathed himself for thinking that. “Well, let us catch to the chase, shall we?” He asked.

She agreed by nodding her head, gesturing her hand to the cushioned bench at the foot of her bed, “Yes… Please sit.” He followed her to sit right next to her, over a meter apart. After getting settled she finally asked, “What brings you here, Master Kenobi?” She asked, the formality and professionalism back in the tone of her voice, which hurt both him and her in a silent and unspoken way.

Taking a deep breath, he spoke, “The Jedi Council sent me to check on you to assure your safety and to inform you that we believe that the Trade Federation could be behind your capture… However…” He paused, thinking of the right words to say to prevent sounding like he was too overly concerned, to overshadow any form of emotion. “We firmly believe that there is a strong possibility that there could be some greater force at work here that is well beyond the scope of the Trade Federation.”

Padmé nearly gasped, narrowing her eyes, “What do you mean, Obi-Wan?” She questioned him with grave apprehension in her eyes.

“Although we cannot be completely sure, and to be quite frankly honest, I do not know if I should be speaking to you of this, but I think that there is something big coming… You will be involved somehow… I can just…”

“Feel it?” She asked, finishing his sentence with sincerity in her eyes, as if she could understand as well. Obi-Wan’s mouth was wide open, for a fraction of a second before he shut it. “Before you ask me how I know that, when I jumped out of that speeder or when I decided to return to Naboo to save my people for example, I did those things because there was something calling out to me, a feeling, and that was what guided me here today. I understand. I feel it too, and it’s not necessarily good. To be quite honest, Master Kenobi, I am quite frightened for the future, the Republic and the galaxy.”

Obi-Wan found he was speaking words of comfort and assurance, “Know that there are people who will protect you.”

The woman smiled at him, making his heart somehow melt, “Thank you… Obi-Wan.” She slipped, and stated his name, with emotion in her voice, the politician was long gone.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, the worry and anxiety present in his voice as she looked down at her twiddling fingers, revealing the top knot of braids on the top of her head that would allow the rest of the unbraided curls to past her shoulders before she looked back up at him.

Biting her lip she spoke, “I am a bit shaken up about what happened yesterday, but as more time passes I realize that they are going to continue coming after me. It’s just inevitable at this point.”

He shook his head, “Not if I can help it.”

She smirked at Obi-Wan, her cheeks visibly red as his palms continued to sweat, “Obi-Wan, my staff is well-trained. I decided to go off on my own, which led to my capture. It was my fault. Every time this happens, I make it out okay.”

“What if something does happen to you?” He questioned her, almost like an interrogation, but he was merely angry at the fact that she could be so foolish.

She was taken aback when she heard the tone of his voice, “I know the uncertainties of the future can be rather frightening, but I cannot live in fear and anxiety every time I walk out of my home and the Senate building. It is unreasonable and you know that. I want to live in peace, and I would expect a Jedi to understand the meaning of peace and balance.”

Balance.

That is a word he had not heard from a non-Jedi in a long time. And by the gods, it left him nearly speechless yet again, for the woman had a way of doing that every single time he interacted with her.

And as he was looking back at this moment in his intense insomnia, this was the moment when he truly realized how she understood the Force without even realizing it.

It absolutely blew his mind then and now.

“You truly are a remarkable woman, Senator.” He had grinned at her, but she glanced down in her lap to hide the giddiness expressed on her face as she shook her head in disagreement.

Gazing back up at him, her eyes were warm just like the hot beverage he had consumed with his green friend earlier that morning, “You really don’t mean that, Obi-Wan.”

“But, I do, Padmé. I truly do…” He trailed off, leaning towards her without consciously realizing it, “I know that you know that I do not particularly fancy and admire politicians due to their selfishness and the vastness of their corruption, but…” He paused wanting to perfect his words in front of the flawless woman in front of him.

She, too, leaned closer to him, he head ducking towards him to the point where he could smell the Nabooian roses in her perfume, “But?”

“You are not a politician to benefit yourself, not for money, fame, the lifestyle, power, no, but for the betterment of your people, to fight for democracy and rights for all sentients in the galaxy. In many ways, your ideals reflect that of many Jedi…”

“We both want peace and freedom,” they both stated at the same exact time, staring into each other’s eyes.

This was the moment where the present, insomniac Obi-Wan was entirely filled with dread.

And past Obi-Wan found himself reaching out to touch her face to brush her face with his fingers. She shivered under his sweet, gentle touch, relishing each second she was with him, hoping deep down inside that she could be with him, because he was one of the very few sentients that truly and fully understood her and her intentions in life, even years later when they grew apart and matured through their life experiences. Despite the fact that she was surrounded by her staff, handmaidens, colleagues, politicians, her close friends, she also felt extremely alone despite the constant social interaction with other people almost every single day. She felt drained, almost empty. But somehow being with Obi-Wan had brought her a newfound outlook in life, that she could confide and spend time with someone who could love and cherish her, and somehow, despite knowing the obstacles of the Jedi Code, she saw that in Obi-Wan and so desperately craved it.

“Obi-Wan…” She whispered to him, his face only inches away from hers as he smiled, doing everything in his power to hold himself back.

Closing his eyes as he held her close to her, realizing that he was too attached to make love to her, “Oh… Sweet Padmé… _Darling._ ” The last word melted off of his tongue like sweet Nabooian nectar dripping off of a honeysuckle on a warm day.

She leaned forward to feverishly kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Not being able to resist, he kissed her back initially, leaning into her and onto the bed, where he brushed the hair around her face, untying the ties of her dress as she pried his robes open, allowing her fingers to brush his chiseled and hairy chest. Kissing her neck, she leaned into his bare chest kissing every inch of skin she could, leaving marks all over from her dark lipstick. Lying down, he saw her naked body under the dress and kissed her everywhere then made his way hungrily back to her lips. As Padmé toyed with the ties of his trousers, but the guilt of the Code and Satine inevitably haunted him, causing him to abruptly pull away.

This shocked her, causing her to embarrassingly sit up cover herself with the dress as he tied his robes and trousers back together as she shakily spoke, “Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head and lowered his voice, whispering to her, “No… No… Padmé… No… It is not you, I promise.” He placed his hand on her cheek.

There was a long, awkward, and very uncomfortable silence as the woman covered herself with the undone ties of her dress with her hands and as the Jedi stood over her, the woman still on the bed, the marks from her lipstick still visible on his neck. She felt unbearably small, weak, completely vulnerable…

She shook her head, tears threatening to escape her eyes, “I was so rash, unprofessional, foolish, Obi-Wan… I gravely apologize…”

He moved towards the bed grasped her chin to lift it and look into her eyes, “No, Padmé, _I_ am sorry. I initially came here as an order by the Jedi Council and I prompted… _this._ ” He referred to rather intimate encounter that just occurred. “Know that this was not your fault and that I was the one who led this on much further than it should have.”

The woman continued to disagree with him by the sided movements of her head, “I should have known… I…”

He held her face with both of his hands, “My dear… I must confess, I have had feelings for you since the moment I met you all those years ago. But I love someone else, dearly, and despite the fact that I do not wish to live with any regrets as I have them with her, I cannot give you what you wish.”

The part of her heart that wanted to love Obi-Wan and have him return her affection broke in this instance. And it hurt more than she could have possibly imagined.

Tears finally overflowed from her eyes as he continued speaking, wiping them with his fingers, “You deserve someone to love you relentlessly, wholeheartedly and passionately without any hindrances or breaking any rules. You deserve someone who is able to fully dedicate their life and time to you… and that is something I cannot do. I am not the person you need, Padmé. Not now…”

She looked into his eyes with a tearful smile, “I know…” The Senator breathed with a sigh.

“I am so sorry…” He apologized to her with pain and sorrow in his eyes as he leaned towards her to place a firm and tangible kiss on her forehead.

He then stood up to take his leave, making his decision to continue his path as a Jedi, a commitment not easily broken, leaving a shattered Senator in her room soaking in her own tears as he wiped a single one from his cheek.

✦✦✦

The man rested on his back in the small bed, his eyes completely wide open as the sunslight slowly crept into the room. After all this time, after all the pain that he had caused in her life, she still wondered what life would have been like if it was with him and not with anyone else. He did not know what to think or say, or how to fully process what she had spoken to him. In fact, he also doubted her words due to her inebriation. But he knew Padmé almost more than any other being in the galaxy, which his experiences with her gave him the realization that consuming alcohol always unveiled her honesty, which – being diplomatic negotiators – was something they both had in common in both instances. And despite wallowing in doubt, these aspects he had deserved had led him down the path that she indeed was telling him the truth.

And, gods, he felt the guilt. For things could have been much different if he had reacted differently all those years ago, but he also stood firm in the grand scheme of things. Why? Well, he saw Satine once again and was able to not only make up for lost time he was not able to spend with her, but to also not live with has much regret that he would have if he had not learned about the meaning of life through Padmé. She had been the one who had taught him to live past the guilt…

He remembered stopping by her apartment in the middle of the Clone Wars to talk about seeing Satine again and the words she used with him, despite their past, had been so insightful that it had changed his perspective not only on life, but of himself.

_“Guilt is inadvertent fear, if you allow it to cloud your judgement… then everything you’ve been working for has been eroded away into dust…”_

She was wise then (well… little did he know that she was indeed married to his Padawan at the time, although he did know she was in love with him then, but I digress…), and she was wise now.

And as the woman continued to sleep well into the hours of the morning, he knew that there would be obstacles – that she would not be able to walk for weeks and would be bedridden, hence any sort of productivity she was wishing for around the house would come to a halt, but there would be more beyond his comprehension, for walking around the house and completing tasks and chores was how the woman coped with the traumas of her past and having that taken away would be very detrimental to her health. Obi-Wan did not know this, of course, but he knew these next few weeks would be very different and that now he had facilitated contact with Senator Organa again, he understood that he had to continue updating the man and that he would do the same. But there was even more beyond the scope of things that even Obi-Wan still had to process and it was the fact that her connection with the Force was stronger than ever, and he would somehow have to break that news to her somehow but he did not know what that would entail or look like.

Oh, but little did he know… dear reader… that there were more secrets than just that piece of information he was dwelling on.

The Force had so much in store.

The definition of _“… Not now”_ no longer exists. In fact, they can now be there for each other now more than ever, because they were all they had left.

In fact, dear reader, this is merely the beginning of something _great._


	13. Twelve ✦

The vulnerable memories of her actions hit Padmé faster than the throbbing headache hammering her temples and the intense soreness of her stitched feet, so much so that the woman gasped before realizing that the man was still in the hut. It took everything in the her to not scream from embarrassment. However, in the Jedi’s mind, he would not see it that way and only perceive it as her reacting to the pain from the accident the previous night. But this assumption doesn’t overshadow the fact that he remained awake the entire evening due to the news that he had learned the previous night that prompted him contacting Senator Organa. This was supposed to only be for emergencies, but this confounding piece of information seemed too important to keep to himself. He knew he had to eventually tell her, for he did not think that she realized there was some sort of connection.

Then there were the words she had spoken to him, her hand grazing his cheek, the two things once again prompting the suppressed memories he had tried to tuck away from rising from the shadows once again. He found himself drowning in the memories that they had silently agreed were better left unsaid, but… Why were they shouting so loudly in his thoughts?

He paced back and forth between the two dilemmas: the fact that she was overwhelmingly Force sensitive and the fact that it seemed like her feelings were still there after all of these years. But where did he stand? The quickening of his heartbeat upon dwelling on her recent words in the moment and just hours later and his brief smiles has he rested his chin on his hand as he sat at the kitchen table the entire evening would give him the indication. But guilt and his lifelong devotion to the Jedi Code sculpted his logic…

Ah…. Sweet, sweet denial…

The Master bolted from his seat to the bedroom upon hearing her cries. And the woman, still unable to move from the bed fell into a subtle panic as she heard his footsteps, knowing she had to veil her embarrassment or else he would sense it. It was then where she realized that she needed to make the decision to be the ditzy and ignorant person she never really was. There was no one watching or near her other than Obi-Wan, which means that no one could doubt her… but Obi-Wan… 

Regardless, she knew that she had to take a chance – they lived in tight quarters, coping with their guilt and pain, while also trying to bury the past that always seemed to bite back at them.

The moment the man arrived at the door, his ember hair was tussled, beard the same as always, blue eyes widened with concern. She fought the blood from rising to her cheeks by closing her eyes from the pain in her head and feet. The former Senator had her fair share with injuries and very questionable and concerning falls, but not having bacta spray was something else she did not think would ever happen.

“You’re awake…” He walked towards her, examining her feet as he felt too nervous to meet her dark, brown eyes, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” the woman curved her lips slightly upward, moving her arms next to her to lift herself up.

Padmé tried to shift her body to sit up, grunting from the pain in the process and causing Obi-Wan to instinctively pace toward her, his arm wrapping around her waist as he grasps her hip and his other on his shoulder. He only wanted to help her, to make sure that she was not in any pain and she allowed him to be this close as she slightly leaned into the warmth radiating from his body. It was slight, enough to where she thought he would not notice, but enough to the point where he did indeed notice. Looking down at her and looking up at him, they locked eyes.

They were close, almost too close.

Did he know that she remembered what she said the previous night? Does he think that she has feelings for him? _Does_ she have feelings for him? There were so many questions, so many questions that she, for once, did not want answers to.

A shiver involuntarily ran down the Former Senator’s spine that forced her to look away, almost causing her to flinch as Obi-Wan realized he had already assisted her by sitting her up against the pillow. He stepped back, realizing how sunken her eyes were and the dark shadows that nestled below them. The man adverted his curious yet concerned gaze before she noticed, observing her stitched, swollen feet.

He quickly noted that the bandages had been overused with little red stains visible from the outside.

“You must stay in bed, and your bandages need to be changed,” he stated in a nonchalant tone, crossing his arms in the process.

The stubborn woman shook her head, “I can do it, Obi-Wan.” She attempted to lift the cover over to slip out of bed, but he somehow prevented her from doing so. Unexpectedly, he grasped her hand that lifted the duvet, not forcefully, more out of sincere protest, almost in a comforting way. The moment their hands touched; she quickly slipped her hand out from under his with a slight pout on her face.

He quietly placed the blanket over the lower half of her torso, softly, intentionally, out of sheer care.

“You must rest, Padmé. I know you really love to move around the home and in the back terrace, but you must remain still over these next several days. It is pivotal to your recovery.” He sighed as he reasoned with her, his voice low, smooth like honey. But the woman frowned, her eyebrows scrunched as lines appeared on her forehead.

“You’re not medical droid.” She snarked.

This statement led the man to raise his eyebrows in surprise as he suppressed a threatened chuckle from amusement. But Obi-Wan merely gawked, almost like he would at Anakin when he would try to be clever with him. And he then realized why they understood each other at one point. Uncrossing his arms, he moved toward her again, closer to the foot of the bed as he looked at the bandages to see how many medical supplies he would need.

“So, this is what being around hungover Amidala is like…” The man smirked, raising his eyebrows as he looked up at her stunned face, her mouth agape.

Jeering at him in annoyance, and due to the headache, “I am _not_ hungover, Obi-Wan!”

He turned around and shrugged his shoulders, raising his hands in a sarcastic gesture, “Sure, sure, I know I can _always_ trust a Senator.”

“I’m perfectly fine! You Jedi think you’re so slick…” She lifted her chin and crossed her arms as he watched her in the doorway.

He shook his head with a grin on his face, “… And this Jedi is going to the be the one tending to your wounds and making you tea to soothe that headache you won’t tell me about.”

Padmé swore she felt her heart leave her body the moment he said that, because she wondered if he knew if she remembered. Well, that was in the back of his head, but he did not think anything of it at that particular moment, there were more pressing situations at-hand that they both needed to worry about. But she knew she had to make sure she did not remember a thing, playing the ignorant move…

“I wasn’t _that_ intoxicated,” she paused, straightening her posture as she stared into his eyes, the glare of a politician, “because you stitched and bandaged me up and then I fell asleep.”

 _You sure did, Senator…._ He thought sarcastically in his head.

“I know…” He coyly responded, with an undertone of sarcasm. The man turned out of the frame and walked toward the kitchen table where the medipack sat. “You must have forgotten that I was there.” His voice rung in the air, his Coruscanti accent even stronger as it was loud enough for her to hear. Chuckling at himself, he flipped the button to start boiling the water for her tea and searching for the leaves.

The tired woman sat straight up, annoyed at his playful words and his poking of fun to amuse himself, but his words really made her wonder as if he was playing some sort of game with her. But she remembered the comments he would make towards Anakin over the years, toward someone he genuinely and deeply cared about, which would not necessarily mean anything, right? It would be quite inevitable for both of them to get annoyed with each other at some point, considering they live together in small living quarters on a dusty planet in the Outer Rim. She was anxious and confused about everything, internalizing the emotions she felt at that moment and especially the memory of the previous night. Remembering idiotic actions from a night of frivolous and overabundant drinking is like a stab in the chest, each time one remembers their stupidity the embarrassment stabs intensely and fades more and more as days progress.

What she had said was very specific.

_“Obi-Wan, you’re so handsome…”_

The woman audibly groaned, loud enough for Obi-Wan to hear and smile.

He knows she knows what she said, but he won’t ever tell her…

Padmé remembered Obi-Wan by the fireside, the firelight glistening on his hair and dancing on his chiseled, beaded face, his hands on her skin, his arms holding her as he carried her to bed – it was all coming back to her.

“ _Maybe it should have been you…”_

She remembered what she said, but she also remembered the events that led her to say what she had been hiding for years…

✦✦✦

The Queen of Naboo unexpectedly woke with quick tugs at her shoulders, her eyes opening upon regaining her consciousness to the intricate designs on the ceilings, a dying fire, an open window with empty mugs on the edge of the stone-carved balcony that overlooked all of Theed, the domes glistening in the moon and star lights. But most of all, there was warmth next to her, a hand tucked in hers with their fingers intertwined. Initially, she smiled but it was merely miniscule in comparison to her panic and shame upon realizing someone else other than them was in the room.

She gasped, startled, abruptly sitting up and softly removing her hand from his as he stirred to turn over. Turning around, she saw Sabé in her silk dress robes next to her, her eyes full of curiosity as she placed her index finger towards her lips, signaling for her to be quiet as she stepped back into the shadows.

The young, eighteen year-old Queen scampered out of bed like a mouse, glancing back toward the mourning Padawan bathing in the moonlight and the stars of the sleeping city as the black sky had just started to transition into lovely hues of dark purples and blues, signaling the early stages of dawn.

Her close friend was emotionless until they quickly vacated the room to avoid being seen by any of the guards, darting sneakily in the shadows of the quiet palace. Padmé knew she had a significant amount of explaining to do, especially considering that her decoy found her with a Padawan sleeping in the same bed while holding hands was not only controversial, but would be an intergalactic scandal that would plague the tabloids and haunt them for the rest of their lives!

They quickly walked down the barren halls towards her chamber as the Queen did not know what to say, “Sabé, I…”

“Don’t worry, no one else other than the handmaidens knew that you were with Padawan Kenobi… We told the guards that you were staying with us tonight because you were so exhausted, they had no idea.”

“… and Padawan Kenobi?”

Sabé adverted her gaze away from Padme and towards the giant arched windows made of chiseled stone, “No one wants to bother him, considering his loss… Ani is sleeping soundly under supervision.”

There was a sense of relief that allowed her to somehow breathe better by the time they arrived at the handmaiden’s quarter’s, the doors shut as both of them stood outside them.

Padmé took a deep breath, still uneasy about what she knew Sabé found…

Sabé knew her well enough to know what was on the Queen’s mind and quietly murmured, “I won’t ever tell a soul about what I saw…” She stated, “But know that the handmaidens do know you were gone the entire evening, and that is something I cannot get you out of.”

Padmé lightly chucked at the thought of them gushing over the Padawan just several days prior, “There are some things you cannot control, Sabé…” She stated in a matter-of-factly tone.

The girl turned her head sideways as she looked at her closest friend in the dark, “What is that mi’lady?”

“Girls love to gossip,” she laughed lightly before opening the door to her handmaidens who were dressed in the same silk dress robes, a dark, eggplant purple with excitement in their eyes as they were braiding their hair for today’s events: breakfast with the Jedi company, the Chancellor and his staff, and other dignitaries before many of them made their departure. They were chattering and sipping their hot tea and caf until they saw who had arrived.

Suddenly everything went silent.

The girls were thrilled upon her arrival, and their curious nagging and questions made her blush all the more, making it more obvious, Eirtaé bellowing that he was the most handsome Jedi she had ever seen and that they would be perfect together, Yané only spoke of what she had heard since she was left behind when they escaped to Coruscant but mentioned how handsome he was when she him at the celebration, Sabé laughed with the girls as they spoke, all while Rabé snickered silently in the corner as she sipped her tea, looking at different fabrics for their wardrobe for the day.

Saché was the only handmaiden not present, as she was still in the medical wing healing from all the wounds she had received upon the Invasion. She was tortured by the Trade Federation due to the fact that she was caught relaying information and refused to speak. This was heavy on her heart, although she never showed it.

“You saw that glance they both exchanged during the Freedom Day Parade… They both smiled at each other and the way he looked at her!” Yané gushed, placing her hand on her chest.

Eirtaé sipped her caf as she stepped next to Yané, “You should have witnessed the way he looked at her when she arrived from Mos Espa _and_ he was completely giddy the entire time she was gone… and it was not because he was worried about the boy racing for the hyperdrive.”

All of the women, including Sabé raised their eyebrows at her.

They still did not know about the secret commlink conversations.

Padmé blushed, trying to hide her cheeks as she walked to the cart full of caf and tea to pour herself a large cup, because gods…. She needed it after staying up well past her normal and scheduled bedtime…

“We’re friends…” The Queen reasoned as the poured the cup, the pitch of the trickling liquid growing higher and higher as the mug filled, the warm and refreshing aroma of the roasted beans awakening her senses. “That’s all, there is nothing else to it.”

Then Rabé, the older handmaiden that tended to be more silent, stood, walking towards the Queen with eyes set on her, “Oh, mi’lady, he is more enamored by you than the boy…”

_Are you an angel?_

Amidala shook her head in denial.

“… Staying out all night… Private conversations since you returned to Naboo… Him figuring out you are the Queen before Master Jinn would… all of these give quite the indication that he is smitten for you. He’s dashingly handsome, without a doubt.”

The Queen took a deep breath and exhaled, but it was more like a sigh… “He loves someone else.”

Rabé continued placing a hand on her shoulder, “I know I am not usually one with a perspective on relationships, but a wise person once told me that our first loves will always be with us. But… if anything the lessons they give us guide us toward the person we truly, tangibly, completely admire.”

Amidala shook her head, “He’s a Jedi, that would be impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible as long as you believe that whatever you’re doing is right, especially if it has something to do with the handsome Jedi that killed the first Sith in a millennia that’s all over the holonews…” Suddenly a figure was leaning against the door, the young handmaiden covered from her chin to the floor in clothing to hide her wounds.

“Saché?” Padmé grinned and almost ran to her, careful not to reach her in a full embrace due to her wounds. “You need to rest!”

“You will see him again, mi’lady… I think it is supposed to be him…” She smiled at the Queen with a glint in her light eyes.

But he left before breakfast.

He left the commlink.

They waited several years

✦✦✦

The woman could hear the man pouring and steeping the tea as she continued to dwell in the past, into the memories she thought she had buried especially after being reunited with Obi-Wan right before the Clone Wars and falling in love with Anakin.

Another instance was the moment he left her crying, no, sobbing at the seat in front of her bed, the kiss he left on her forehead, burning her with embarrassment and shame. Dormé knew better than to just leave her in there to wilt in her pain and even heartbreak. And she entered her room quietly, careful not to make too much of a sound to sit in front of her and in the midst of all the sorrow she remembered one thing from that moment.

_“It's him, he doesn't realize it yet… but he will come around because he always returns.”_

When Padmé finished drowning in her thoughts, something tugged her heartstrings, something that she had forgotten until now. In the fogginess of her memories, the man had kissed her on the forehead before she had completely lost consciousness into a drunken slumber, something that was too vivid to be a dream, his warm lips, the tickle of his beard, the sensual touch, something all too familiar from their encounters. What struck her more was the fact that the Jedi preparing tea for her in the other room has only done this in moments in which he genuinely adores and cares for her the most, enough to physically display it.

When he was most vulnerable.

And when the Jedi handed her the hot tea, she was lost for words.

Because after all of the pain, all of the sorrow, all of the mourning and loss…

The guilt-ridden Jedi still returned.

And unbeknownst to him…

He was there to stay. 


	14. Thirteen ✦

Padmé Amidala was the embodiment of an independent woman. In fact, she had so much on her plate as a politician, she did not have enough hours of the day to complete her tasks and oversaw her handmaidens, security, and staff. For Padmé’s entire life, she always put others before herself by serving her people and those around her. She was content in this way, because she contributed to things that were greater than herself. But this injury left her bedridden and by Obi-Wan’s rules he made sure she remained in bed to not impede on the healing process. He carried her everywhere: to the kitchen table, to the refresher, to sit by the window to get some sunlight.

She absolutely _loathed_ the fact that a man was taking care of tasks she knew she was able to complete. He did everything – he cleaned the hut, checked the vaporators, made tea and caf in the morning, completed the laundry, but what surprised the woman the most was his cooking. After being bedridden at the beginning of their stay on Tatooine, she had been repulsed by food and lived off of fruit, flatbread, maybe some nuts or seeds. Everything had been tasteless to her, including the food he had made her that was often left untouched. Anakin was one of the most skilled Jedi in the entire galaxy, but the Force did not bless him with the ability to make a meal without something going awry.

Jedi were not necessarily trained to cook gourmet meals, which was to be expected but Obi-Wan somehow created something memorable with the few ingredients they had. Both of them learned that the key to delicious food on this barren planet was the spices. There was a reason why he prepared the food during excursions with Anakin over the years…

Several days had passed. The former queen was exhausted despite all the rest she had, still in quite a bit of discomfort after resting constantly. He did the best he could with the circumstances, changing bandages with makeshift cloth ones he made after quickly running out of medical supplies. Without her knowledge he snuck out of the hut during the first couple days after her injury into town on the speeder to find bacta spray with little luck, which meant he had to utilize the medical training he had over the years without it.

Ah, tending to fresh wounds. There is such a bittersweet beauty in the healing process.

Padmé’s embarrassment toward her drunken actions quickly simmered away like a fire that slowly dies without anymore fuel. But that moment would forever haunt her, while Obi-Wan found solace in it, for the raging embarrassment had subsided but perhaps another flame was born. Both of them were obviously too ignorant to even acknowledge such a thing, with plenty of awkwardness and sweet denial.

Padmé rose in the morning to the aroma of fresh brewed caf awakening her drowsiness as the sunlights peeked through the slits of the window, the radiance dancing on her face and her sprawled curls. Obi-Wan sensed her consciousness and immediately poured her a mug, the hot liquid brimming at the edges as he quietly walked towards the bedroom. The woman rested her head on the pillow as she groggily stared at the ceiling, feeling the accumulated filth of her skin after resting for what felt like months. The man arrived in the bedroom to her dark curls glowing from the steams of light slipping through the window, her eyes quickly darting to him, the color resembling that of the hot caffeinated beverage in his hands. She moved her arms to sit herself up on her own, only to have her friend dart to her side and help her with one hand.

“Careful,” he breathed, his breath smelling like caf, cinnamon, with a hint of something sweet – like honey.

She glanced at him and lightly smiled, careful not to meet his eyes as he handed her the much-needed caffeine after another evening of unbalanced rest. Taking a sip of the hot beverage she sighed, feeling the warmth fill her belly before allowing the sweet and delicate flavor to envelop her mouth once again.

“Thank you,” she mumbled between sips.

The Jedi took a couple steps back, observing her from against the wall as he crossed his arms. “You are very welcome…”

Her blush-colored lips curved slightly upward again, behind the shadows of the mug in front of her, her fingers hugging the ceramic for warmth. Sighing she continued to speak, “And I have been thanking you quite a lot lately…”

He lifted his eyebrow, sensing the confusion of her emotions, “You say that as if that is a bad thing.” Noticing her look down at the mug, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and noted her exhaustion.

“I just feel so powerless for the first time of my life. I’ve never had someone serve me without giving them something in return and it is quite frustrating…” She pondered on her thoughts, wondering why she is being so honest but also understanding that writing her thoughts and emotions in the piled journals in the corner of their room is not going to solve her problems.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and took a few steps towards the foot of the bed and sat on the corner, placing his hands on his lap. “Padmé, we have many more years on this planet, and I assure you there will be an opportunity for you serve me in some way…” The woman gulped at his statement, the anxiety and sense of defeat overwhelming her. Obi-Wan noticed this and continued with what he intended to say, “Regardless… what do you think friends are for?”

Releasing yet another big sigh she took a sip of caf to dull her nerves of the uncertainty, the uncertainty over what must eventually be done.

She dreaded it.

“Besides…” He smiled, showing his bright teeth, his dimples barely visible under the blanket of facial hair, “… consider this repaying the debt I owe you for insisting on going to Geonosis to save me.”

Ah, she remembered that. Clear as day. Confessing her love while also seeing the person she once loved in shackles.

She was a fraud.

There was a silence after his words as she stared at the wall as he wondered what was going through her head as he felt her anxiety, fear, disappointment? Whatever it was, it was muddled beyond other things he did not exactly understand, and all he could do was help her in any way he could.

“You look tired…” He stated in a matter-of-factly tone, his accent strong at the end of the last word. Saying this felt all too familiar to him, but he brushed past the painful memories.

Biting her lip, she replied to his statement, “Sleeping and laying here is exhausting.”

Then an idea slipped to his mind. “I gathered quite a bit of water from the vaporators this morning, there is enough to run a nice bath and have drinking water this week. We have plenty of honeyblossom extract. I think your body needs some relief, a way to release this pent-up energy you would otherwise be using around the house or sitting outside.”

She raised her eyebrows with hesitation as she gnawed at her lip nervously.

“I do need to wash my hair…” She reasoned with herself aloud.

He automatically stood after listening to her response, “A bath it is then!” His voice chimed as he walked out of the room and towards the refresher to prepare everything, nearly startling the woman with his enthusiasm.

The woman quietly finished her coffee as the sweet aroma of honeyblossom filled the bedroom from the refresher, making her smile slightly as she heard water pouring from this distance. She drowned in her thoughts over the thought of this working, wondering if she could walk there. Reasoning with herself, it was only a short distance and her foot has more than likely healed enough? Well, she was unfamiliar with the healing duration and process without the use of bacta spray, so she could not be sure – the wounds were quite deep. He obviously would not stay in the room with her as she bathed, but the thought of that although very brief caused blood to rush to her cheeks and she found herself being quite ridiculous!

Shaking her head, she rolled her eyes at the thought.

Before she knew it, Obi-Wan was in the room with a towel in his hand. “Now, we cannot get the essence water on your injured foot, as the fragrances will irritate the wounds and we do not want to risk infection all the way out here… I will help you get to the refresher, as I still do not think you should put weight on your foot. As for getting into the water, erm… You have excellent coordination, so I am not necessarily worried about that.”

The woman attempted to cover her blush as she shoved the covers away from her legs.

Doing the same routine around the house for approximately a week, Padmé instinctively jumped into Obi-Wans arms as he held her bridal style into the refresher, the hot aromatic water causing the entire room to steam as the sweet scent of flowers filled their noses. There was a pile of old, clean cloth at the edge of the tub for her to rest her injured foot with a stool for her to transfer herself into the water.

Slowly placing her to sit on the stool by the edge, he noted the clothes he had left for her folded close enough for her to reach them, “I am going to meditate and possibly train for a bit outside while you… you know…” He awkwardly noted.

The woman nodded her head, acknowledging him, “Alright.”

Walking as she stared at the hot water, he stopped in the doorway his hand ready to slide the door closed with the Force… “Will you be okay?” He carefully inquired.

Biting her lip once again, she turned to him and smiled slightly, “You didn’t ask me that when I was scratched by the nexu and fell from the gunship on Geonosis,” she snarked with a cheeky grin.

The Jedi rolled his eyes in annoyance, shutting the door before he could hear her deep laughs, humored over his reaction.

He needed to meditate, now more than ever.

Opening the door leading to the adobe spiraled steps that led him to the escarpment that overlooked the Jundland Wastes. It was already scolding hot, but Obi-Wan kept his robes on, careful to not be burned by the intense sunlights. It was startlingly quiet, there was no wind to bring some source of relief today, just pure, raging heat.

Sitting at the edge of the cliff overlooking the Great Sea of dunes, the Jedi Master crossed his legs and shut his eyes. Surrendering himself to the worldly discomforts around him and the sweat already dripping from his back as he felt himself giving into the light and peace of the Force, yet he felt a significant amount of pain – more surviving Jedi were being found and murdered. Although he did not explicitly see this, he _felt_ it. Like Padmé, he also felt powerless, like there was nothing that he could do to save anyone or anything, because he couldn’t even save his Padawan. Although he dismissed it so many times, the wound was still there, and he did not know if this one could heal.

Kenobi never realized how times passed when he meditated, sometimes he meditated for a couple minutes, sometimes those couple of minutes of meditating end up being hours and hours. There was a sense of beauty in the uncertainty of time passing in these moments, and it was appreciated.

Obi-Wan attempted to suppress this pain with gratitude, but was led to the moment of rage when he completely obliterated the rocks and landscape around him with his lightsaber just a little over a week ago, the day the glass dropped on her feet, the day she told him how it should have been him, the day he found out the composition of her blood, so many things to process and he did not know who to turn to when he was alone on the severely arid planet away from everyone and everything else. 

He was painstakingly alone.

As much as he stifled his emotions, he felt anger and pain and this indescribable pang of guilt behind feeling the two things he should never feel as a Jedi, because they would lead him down a destructive path of suffering. Unbeknownst to him, boulders were circling around him orbiting around him as if he was a star.

And suddenly a bright light appeared before him…

For the first time since the woman interrupted their last encounter, late Master Qui-Gon Jinn was in front of him and the rocks stopped, falling to the ground.

“Master…” The man gasped as tears trailed his eyes.

_Obi-Wan_ , he bellowed, the emotion of his voice almost as if he was embracing his Padawan.

“I keep failing, Master, no matter how much effort I invest, my actions and my feelings are not the Jedi way!” He almost shouted in anger but prevented himself from doing so by grunting.

_Obi-Wan… My Padawan… If I knew this before I left you, it would be that you should allow yourself to feel these emotions. Repressing your emotions acts as strong winds with a wildfire. As one perceives the wind to blow the fire out, it merely acts as a fuel to allow it to spread and grow, which prompted the fall of the Jedi Order._

“But…”

_As a good friend of yours once told you, ‘Anakin made his choice. How we proceed is ours’ and ‘ackn_ _owledging your own emotions and feelings takes much courage and strength_ …’

Padmé…

Obi-Wan was too speechless because the realization that her words made an impact on not just him but the Force around him, and that thought somehow brought him a sense of relief.

_I always knew the Queen was very wise, she now has a strong connection with the Force… Master Yoda told me you both have much to learn from each other and that gives me much hope._

“I don’t understand what he means by that, Master…”

_What is it that you do not understand, when you have learned plenty from her?_

“Master Yoda told me that the Force has plans for both, me and Padmé.”

_Like you said, she understands the meaning of balance. The Force will use her to help bring balance to the galaxy._

“She was not strong with the Force before… I am trying to understand why that is.”

_You are detracting from your emotions again, young one._ He sighed, knowing he will not get the answer to the question he has been asking himself for the past week. Qui-Gon continued. _I want you to_ feel _your past, Obi-Wan. Destroy the dam you have constructed in your heart and allow the floodwaters to flow…_

“That only brings more pain…” Master Kenobi hesitated.

His Master chuckled, almost jokingly. _That is because you have not allowed yourself to emote anything beyond guilt, pain, anger, Obi-Wan, for those negative emotions veil everything else._

Obi-Wan took a deep breath, feeling the sweat on his brow and the heat of the suns on the cloak covering his head and immersed himself in the Force once more, where he stepped into the light and found himself in complete darkness. Igniting his lightsaber, the bright blue light pierced the black landscape, and suddenly his most painful and traumatic memories illuminated every square inch around him, suffocating him more and more and more as the screams, the harsh sounds of blades, completely stabbed his ears in torture. Every memory he had that he felt contributed to Anakin’s turning to the Dark Side played before him, the moments he wished he could go back and change. He found himself running away, from the trauma simultaneously unfolding around him – Anakin, Darth Vader, Satine, Maul, his family he does not even remember, the War, everything collapsing on him. He sprinted and sprinted, running so desperately fast that even the pain was taking his breath away, he wanted it to end to run away.

_Anakin made his choice… How we proceed is ours…_

He suddenly remembered the woman’s words and abruptly stopped in his tracks, his eyes closed as he caught his breath as all the sounds of hidden memories continued to unravel around him, the moments he strongly desired to change more than anything in the world, the moments he wanted to forget about, the moments he wanted to take back in any way he could.

Opening his eyes, he saw that the pain and suffering were not choking him anymore, that the space around him was as if he was in deep space amongst other galaxies and stars. The memories were unraveled into different doorways and he saw them separately: his family on Stewjon and he does not even remember their faces, leaving Satine for the first time, his Master dying at the hands of Maul, Anakin slowly slipping into darkness, the death of Satine, the deaths of his friends, Order 66, finding Anakin on the security footage, telling Padmé about Anakin, his last encounter with Anakin, everything…

Obi-Wan profusely shook his head, feeling the sweat falling beyond his brow, “You don’t define me… I- I cannot run… I- I cannot hide… To feel is to be human…”

He took a deep breath, feeling the anguish as tears cascaded down his cheek like a waterfall after a late afternoon thunderstorm in the middle of a drought. “Th- These events happened by the will of the Force and not by my own faults… The Force is bigger than I will ever be able to control…”

The shriveled man took yet another exhausted breath as he sobbed, “To feel is to live with the will of the Force. To feel _is_ balance.”

Unexpectedly, the assorted memories dissipated before his eyes, causing him to gasp as a yellow light illuminated his tear-stricken face, and it grew brighter and brighter until he had to shut his eyes and cover them with his arm.

And then there was darkness, allowing him to open his eyes once more, only that it was not pitch black, no, suddenly he was surrounded by other memories, memories where he experienced other things he was not allowed to feel – passion, attachment, love.

He saw memories with his Master, Anakin, Ahsoka, Satine, but what struck him the most was the woman staring over the expansive lights of liberated Theed, her curls draped over her shoulders, and the same woman illuminated by the fireplace years later in the little hut, laughing as he stitched her feet up.

It was in that moment that he realized that he still loved Padmé Amidala and he always will.

[Edited to include dialogue italics that didn't transfer upon posting the first time]


	15. Fourteen ✦

Soaking in simmering, fragranced water had always been a luxury that Padmé Amidala could never afford. Before reading any further, allow me to explain… Being a politician for a significant period of her life in which millions, even trillions, of sentient beings’ lives were in her hands, she always prioritized democracy and the well-being of her constituents over herself. After steeping in the hot waters speckled in the pink honeysuckles, the woman finally soaked her thick, brunette curls, allowing the flowers and separated petals to nestle into strands of her hair. The smell of the blossoms reminded her of the summers she would spend in the Lake Country on her home planet, when the vast assortments of efflorescence would rise after an evening of slumber. She could feel it as she closed her eyes, she could almost taste the sensation of her fingers brushing the delicate petals of flowers in the gardens, so soft that it resembled her skin.

It was in this moment, she had forgotten about trauma and the soreness of her feet resting on both ends of the tub and had immersed herself into the false reality she longed to savor just one last time, to relish brighter and simpler times of her past.

Floating in the tub with her belly facing upward, she felt like a young queen floating in the waters of the myriad of lakes sprawled about the region, her sun radiating on her face and her hair entangled with coarse sand, reddening her cheeks as she would absorb the light as it illuminated her body – her gentle yet vulnerable soul. In this instance, time had no meaning. She rested there from the moment the water almost scathed her skin well-beyond falling cold, until she felt her fingertips turn into prunes. It was almost all the same, only she did not have handmaidens or other figures cutting her time in the waters short and there was something different… It was almost as if she could feel something flowing within her, and she could not place her finger on it.

The binary suns were well over the horizon and had begun their descent into the late afternoon, early evening as the woman dwelled in her thoughts and into a Force that was greater than her realizations. She felt satisfied, she felt full, she felt _balanced_.

Yet this poignant peace was abruptly shattered, and the sharp, high pitched crash shook her, causing her to hug her torso and rise from the cold water, the water rushing down her naked body as it dripped around her.

“Obi-Wan…” She gasped without understanding the words that had just escaped her lips.

Catching her breath, Padmé felt conflict, pain, suffering, agony as she did several days ago, only it was significantly more intense than her last encounter, causing tears to involuntarily stream down her soaked cheek. Her wrinkled hands grasped the side of the tub as she used the strength and momentum from her arms to pull her torso and hips upwards as an attempt to leave the tub. Grunting, she moved her feet to the other side of the edge of the tub to keep them dry before sitting on the narrow edge facing the door. She spun around and found her silk robes, wrapping her soaked skin with the smooth and ivory colored fabric that it desperately clung to her skin, revealing her bare skin underneath. Too focused on the tormented Jedi, she did not realize this as she used her arms to fling herself from the tub to the floor. Her wounded feet were still too tender to be used to walk, forcing her to crawl on the floor as she heard whimpers from outside of the home.

Upon reaching the adobe stairs to red and orange rocks that overlook the endless dunes of sand, she inched up and up with every labored effort. Taking deep breaths, her hands willingly pulled her closer and closer to the escarpment behind their hut, and the dimmed sunlight of the descending suns grew brighter and brighter… Tears continued to overflow from her eyes as she reached the top, careful to not hit her feet. With a large inhale of hot air, an overwhelming yet safe presence enveloped her, something safe and assuring… familiar.

She heard his voice loud and clear. _He needs you… Now more than ever…_

Padmé turned her head to the twin suns that were slowly creeping towards the horizon, the sky transitioning into palettes of oranges and pinks to see the silhouette of a Jedi facing outward, his back facing her and his legs crossed. Yet his shoulders were shaking, and his breaths were labored.

“I have nothing to offer, Master Jinn…” She whispered through the lump that dared to vacate her throat feeling the pain of the rocks jabbing into her palms.

_You have the Force… With you he truly understands balance…_

His presence vanished into the wind, leaving the guilt-ridden Jedi and heartbroken Senator to bake in the oppressing suns.

Edging towards the anguished man, her hands found his robes that had blown around him and pulled her now dirty bandaged feet on the dark brown fabric. Placing all the weight on her knees, she clenched his shoulders and embraced him, pulling him backwards and into her arms. Finally, his distressed face came into view, his cheeks and forehead burned by the suns and disheveled. Canyons and trenches had formed all over his face, his forehead, temples, dimples, even hiding under his beard as tears fell from his eyes. He was in so much pain. She not only saw it, but she felt almost everything in the depths of her chest, causing her to hold him tightly without him recollecting his surroundings. To see one of the only people she had left in such darkness, unbearable misery crushed her soul. She did not know why, nor did she want to understand the reasoning that she was revisiting the feelings she had endured several months ago when Anakin had turned to darkness.

Although there was nothing she could do, she understood that this moment, this trial was merely temporary. Despite knowing this, continued to pour down her cheeks and into her drying hair ridden with blossoms and petals. Placing her hand on his cheek, she comforted him through her touch, not knowing the implications behind her sincere gestures. For the first time in years, she found herself observing each little crevice and facet on his face, stroking his cheek and tracing the lines of distress to ease the tension and bring some sense of comfort to him. She had forgotten how handsome he had grown to be with his age, even with the few patches of grey hair on the sides of his head, the rough yet familiar scuffles of his beard, the softness of his eyebrows and eyelashes. With each passing minute, as the suns slowly descended the man’s breaths gradually slowed and his face relaxed with the growing glow of the binary sunset that radiated the intoxicating orange light on both of them. His ember hair glowed in the sunlight, and the fingers resting on his cheek wondered whether his smooth hair still feels the same years later, but she pushed that question, that curiosity to the back of her head as she watched the Jedi deep in meditation.

The colors of the sunset sky were close to reaching a climax, the very few high clouds had transformed into a beautiful and wispy pink, mirroring that of the petals in her hair. A gradient of dark blue, pinks, oranges, purples, reds surrounded them as she glanced at the two suns in the distance, the dark red and light pink illuminating them. In the distance, she saw the familiar shape of a sandcrawler trekking through the endless, expansive desert, only a specked shadow at the edge of the horizon.

He mumbled, only slightly, but it was enough for her to quickly turn away from the beautiful Tatooine landscape. Obi-Wan’s pink lips moved ever so slightly as he mouthed words that were not audible enough for her to understand. She placed another hand in his, in a way to comfort, for him to know that someone was there, even if she knew he would never know.

But decipherable words rung in the silence around them, his voice firm and clear… “To feel is to live with the will of the Force. To feel _is_ balance.”

In an instant, the man’s body relaxed – it was almost as if he had found the solution to his trial.

Padmé fixated on his face, searching for answers, wondering what he was tasked to do, wondering what could have possibly have broken him into such disarray, to such brokenness that almost seemed impossible to fix, a mountain too difficult to climb, wondering of the contents of his thoughts, the journey that brought him from sobs and tears to a small, yet momentous upward curve of his lips, wondering what he was seeing and if he was in a reality where he was reunited with those he deeply cared for… But most of all, she wondered if he was going to be alright from here, that he would not fight these battles alone.

This shift in his demeanor was startling to her. Seeing him like this – relaxed and at peace, balanced – was something she had not truly experienced after all these years of knowing him, through the tribulations and celebrations. Maybe he was not the Obi-Wan she always knew, maybe there was more to his careful, yet rigid and snarky demeanor that she had never encountered. It awoke this curiosity within her heart, a lit match igniting an expansive grassland in the midst of a severe drought.

But was there enough fuel to keep it burning?

There was another side to this… She had not seen him like this in quite a long time – truly happy and content. The winds of the impending evening grew and grew as the last of the sunlights glimmered on his face and orange hair. It was in these very rare moments of subtle stillness where she found Obi-Wan to be the most beautiful, to be authentically Obi-Wan without any other obligation to anything but himself. They were quite different, but one distinct, yet overlooked, similarity between these two humans was the fact that they always prioritized others over themselves – selfless, compassionate, altruistic. Even if she knew she would not want to ever fall in love again on this barren planet, the Tatooine sunsets were this way, too. For there is much exquisite beauty in moments of stillness, moments of silence, for those are the instances in which things become startlingly clear.

In this moment, the Force wanted her to come to a stark realization, but despite the deafening silence and seclusion, she was too entranced with the well-being of the friend in her arms to understand the culminating emotions that were accumulating in the deepest labyrinths of her healing heart. The muraled sky embraced both of them, as if they were saying goodbye.

The Jedi caught his breath, his eyes abruptly opening to the radiant face of the woman he had just seen, only she was glowing, her caf-colored curls gleaming with flowers, the exhilarating aroma of sweet blossoms bathing him as he felt the soft warmness of her palm on his cheek. He sat up, observing his surroundings and the setting suns behind the former senator. She had been waiting for him the entire time. Upon opening his eyes to her face, the Jedi quickly registered that she had climbed out of the tub and up the stairs to wait for him for what he realized had been hours. This made him smile, baring his teeth, the smile that always made her heart melt, only to see her glowing from the suns made him feel the same way. He looked down at her feet, noting how soiled the bandages were and how she went through much effort to be there. Removing her hand from his face, she smiled back at him, but it was not like anything he had been used to encountering, no, it truly reached her eyes like they did years ago, before the universe seemed to crumble beneath them. But exhaustion quickly consumed every facet of his body and he fell limp on the ground.

He had to process everything he just experienced, especially _her_. But being a master at compartmentalization, he pushed his revelation to the back of his mind, bearing in mind that he was famished, parched, sunburned, all while she had done everything in her power to be with him.

“H- How long was I here? How long were _you_ here?” He asked her, taking deep breaths to have a better connection with the present.

“Hours…” She answered, leaning back and moving a piece of hair behind her ear. She revealed her thin silk robe by doing so, forgetting the lack of coverage it had, making Obi-Wan stare into the colors of the sky as a result. “I did not know when you would come back… Master Jinn only discussed that I had the Force, balance…”

Remembering Qui-Gon’s words, she finally realized something that she had not considered after several months of being in isolation and hiding. After placing some of the pieces of this very complicated puzzle together, it inevitably made sense. Obi-Wan’s facial expression transitioned from that of confusion to realization, which led her to understand that Kenobi was not surprised. Well… he was a bit taken aback by her internal realization of her unspoken connection with the Force, but it was not apparent that he had a vague idea of this for months, which was confirmed several days ago after sampling her blood.

He, too, wanted to know why this was. He always sought out information, to find the answers himself. Unbeknownst to him, this was very complicated, maybe too complicated.

Narrowing her eyes and leaning away from him she spoke, “You knew?”

Gulping nervously, he glanced at her dingy bandages and silk robe, covered in sand and dirt. Yet his eyes involuntarily trailed back to her face, still radiating in the descending lights of the suns.

This evening was like a clock, the time for light was quickly running out… _Tick, tick, tick._

“I sensed something, but I did not understand what it was. When Yoda said that the Force was strong with _both_ of us, I thought he was being philosophical, not literal... Especially after knowing you all these years.” The man finally responded to her, the woman searching in his deep blue eyes, her heart aching.

_Not_ _yet…_ She heard a familiar voice suggest to her.

Obi-Wan sighed, thinking of all the possibilities that could have led her to this… Not only being strong with the Force, but having a tangible connection, a connection they would not have missed upon arriving to Naboo all those years ago. Something deep within him knew this must have been relatively recent. She had always been strong with the Force, brilliant, incredibly intelligent, and honestly… a badass fighter.

But what could it be?

The woman anxiously bit her lower lip, the soreness of her feet slowly creeping back to her and exhaustion slowly overwhelming her as the daylight simultaneously faded.

There was quite a bit to unpack from this day, this particular encounter. But knowing both of them, they care more about the emotions and state of each other than themselves.

“I don’t… I don’t know, Obi-Wan.” She sighed, looking down in her lap before meeting his intense gaze, it was almost as if he was studying her. “Are you alright?”

His epiphany from his trial slapped him in the face once again, bringing him back to the reality in which he would be spending the rest of his life with this woman on this planet in hiding, the woman he _thought_ he once loved, the woman loved by his Padawan, the woman he inevitably still loves. He could not do this to her, his Padawan, to Satine, to himself.

“I am fine…” He stated, remembering his fight with balance, with the past, present, future. “What I thought would be a brief meditation was actually a trial of some sort, training and learning…”

“There is always room to learn and grow,” she stated, starting into the red and white suns as she released a sigh. “Even in a barren place where nothing else can.”

Her words prompted the man to lightly smile, gazing at both her and the suns. As a place that was once strange and unfamiliar when she first visited as a Queen of a war-stricken planet, Tatooine always made Padmé glow in a way nothing else could.

Taking a deep breath, he found himself also entranced by the binary sunset, “The Force works in marvelous and mysterious ways, Padmé.”

She remembered the question she asked after her children were taken away from her, how it changed everything.

“That it does…”

With her conflicted response, Obi-Wan stood, careful as to not hurt her injuries. Wrapping himself in his robes, he looked down at her, bending his knees as she looked up at him, her chocolate-colored eyes making them feel weak.

Extending his arm down to her, he pursed his lips, “Allow me to help… You look exhausted.”

For a split of a second, she debated whether she could stand and put all of her weight on her feet, but she trusted him by grasping his hand. In doing so, he lifted her quickly and up into his arms, the silhouetted shadow of both sentients dancing on the red rocks of the escarpment, bathed in the last of the sunlights. Both of them glanced at the horizon one last time before Obi-Wan ducked both of them inside, placing her on the couch and starting a fire before starting dinner.

The last of the daylight was still peeking through the small window of the house in the kitchen as Kenobi served dinner in the living area, where Padme changed her bandages and applied ointment to her wounds. They ate quietly, listening to the crackling embers of the fire over their tuber stew before the woman looked at him, the fire dancing in her eyes.

“After crawling today, I think I am going to try walking very slowly again…” She suggested to him with a smile on her face, “I can probably take out the stitches in a couple of days…”

Obi-Wan chewed as she said this, nodding his head in agreement, but the thoughts in his head were swirling and thrashing faster and more intensely than any typhoon. How ironic it is, to find balance only for it to do the exact opposite in his thoughts, the battle between the Code and his feelings.

_Be mindful of the future… But not at the expense of the moment…_

“That is a good plan,” he agreed with her as he placed his empty bowl in his lap. “Thank you for your help today, for ensuring my safety and listening to the Force… I don’t know how you were able to sense my distress and get to me given your injuries, but for your determination and focus on what is around you, I am very thankful…”

She grinned at him, lightly bowing to him, “I felt it like last time…” She explained to him, remembering the bowl shattering without her knowing – the pain, anger, suffering, guilt. “Your emotions, like last time, were incredibly conflicted… Although it is not my business, you had a realization and despite this revelation you are still confused, aren’t you?”

He did not answer this question but stood in silence as he reached for her empty bowl to rinse them in the sink. Qui-Gon’s words echoed in his head repeatedly, like a broken record as he scrubbed the dishes and cleaned them. She hesitantly stood, feeling the soreness of her feet as she adjusted her weight while also concentrating on her connection to the ground. Wrapping herself with a blanket, she slowly walked toward the bedroom. But once she had reached the doorway, she paused and turned to the man staring out the window, the last sliver of sunlight beaming from the window over the dunes. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she felt something beyond conflict, more than guilt, more than confusion.

Obi-Wan had honored the Code with his whole life, even sacrificing his first love for the sake of remaining a Jedi. Had things been different, like he told Satine, he would have left the Order. Since then, he was stubborn, stubborn in a way in which he felt obligated to follow it to justify his decision. Despite following the Code while listening to the living Force, everything still crumbled under him. With Satine and Anakin being gone, he felt unworthy and unjustified. Yes, he acknowledged the fact that these confusing (and what he still felt were forbidden) feelings for Padmé existed, but he did not to hurt himself, nor did he ever want to hurt _her_.

Others had done enough. He had done enough.

“I sense fear in you…” She declared.

_Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering._

The last of the suns set.

The light that shone on them was no more.

Everything grew cold.

And he did not know when he would be able to find warmth again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: I promise, Obi will not turn to the Dark Side. He just needs a hug and doesn’t feel worthy of love. Happy New Year, everyone! I have already started writing the next chapters, so know there’s more upcoming soon! I’m saving the next chapters as a gift to a friend. Stay safe.
> 
> Also, if you're here from TikTok, hi! Thank you all for all the love and support and comments. They mean so much to me. I post some art, updates and snippets of future chapters on my Tumblr: coffeeenated, feel free to follow if you want to see future things.
> 
> Stay safe!


	16. Fifteen ✦

Obi-Wan was not the same after that encounter. He had not meditated since then. If Padmé had one word to describe him after that night, it would be that he had fallen quite cold. He had grown very distant, only coming in contact with her when she needed her stitches removed, needed help walking, or during meals. But even meals were a rarity, because the man had turned into a hermit. He did this by practicing his lightsaber positions outside and by locking himself in the basement with his food to fidget with tools to fix and maintain the vaporators while attempting to engineer a garden without too much sunlight to grow their own crops.

But there was more to it… Since the rise of the Empire, he had felt these pangs of pain in his heart and mind, almost as if he felt the Force weeping, a disturbance that was similar but much less intense than the massacres at the Jedi Temple. He did not know what to think, what to do, how to make everything better, he couldn’t…

She did not know what to feel, wondering if her comment about sensing his emotions – his fear – had left him too vulnerable, or if she had said something wrong. The first was more correct, due to the fact that he felt exposed, wondering if she could sense his feelings and emotions towards her. His thought process could not do that to everyone close to him, she had gone through enough. This led him to construct these insurmountable and unsurpassable walls around him.

Did he actually build these walls, or did he detach himself from his emotions by overwhelming himself with numbness?

A few weeks had passed rather sluggishly, and a trip into town to acquire supplies was well overdue, but their supply in currency was running dangerously low, only enough for a bit of supplies and they needed to figure out how to procure funds and income in the future. After checking the inventory of their stocks, Obi-Wan realized that they only about a week or so before he absolutely needed to take another trip to the settlement, and haggling with his abilities could only take him so far…

To put it bluntly, he had been avoiding her whenever possible. Obi-Wan would either train in the early morning hours, fix vaporators in the evenings, and the rest of his time was spent in the cellar building and fixing things. Which was rather ironic, considering he wanted to fix everything around him but not himself… If his Master were there, he knew he would be receiving an ear load, hence why he had also avoided meditating all together. Just as he did with Satine, he avoided these emotions all together, but instead Padmé could actually sense them, which led him to a state of constant numbness when he was around her. How could there be room to grow on a desert planet in a little hut?

Despite his regression in being balanced with his emotions and his aggravating stubbornness, he had made progress with the garden microclimates, but there were several parts he still needed, and they were not necessarily cheap either. He had constructed the foundations and frames of the plots of what he hoped would be bushes, a small tree, tubers, and herbs, but he needed a source of light for things to grow. Maybe, just maybe if they harvested enough, he could sell some of their crops to make some extra income in town. But this was all theoretical of course, because Obi-Wan has had a fair share of his plans and ideas not going as planned.

His strategy of avoidance was not going as planned either.

But he was not going to admit that. Avoidance only veils the issues at-hand, they won’t disappear.

Obi-Wan sat at the worktable in the middle of the room, covered with screws, tools, metal frames, wires. He soldered wires together in the darkened room, the smell of burning metal and melting wax stinging his nose as the metal melted, fusing together as his nose involuntarily wrinkled by bitter distaste. Building things was never his forte, not like it was Anakin’s. But he wanted to do this, that was the difference. Although he did not want to admit it, he remembered the moment in which the woman ascended from the bedroom for the first time, the first step after losing her husband and children, wanting to build a garden… Remembering the intoxicating aroma of the flowers in her hair, there was a part of him that wanted to see things bloom again, to bring Naboo to her.

Wrapping the wire with red tape, he noticed the other colored wires that needed to be adjusted, releasing a sigh in the process as he moved the now completed wire in the color designated pile in front of him. He continued with his work, soldering wires and moving through each color – red, blue, yellow, green…

It seemed endless.

Suddenly something within his robes pinged, and the man froze holding the soldering pin and wires in his hands, the smoke rising as the sound rang in his ears. Quietly placing the items on the table and the pin on a damp cloth to prevent anything from burning, he quickly grasped the handheld device and turned it on, hoping that Padmé did not hear anything. For all she knew, Obi-Wan was not communicating with anyone, unless it was through the Force.

Holding the device in his hand, he hesitated. His thumb resting on the button to project the message in front of him, knowing only Bail Organa had access to contact him. But the only time they spoke was from dire circumstances, or important information… And the only time this occurred was when he informed Bail of Padmé’s midichlorian count several weeks ago. It felt like that happened several months ago, and a lot of things had occurred since then. Well, it felt that way to him.

To her, too…

For a fraction of a second, Obi-Wan debated whether to leave the communicator alone and allow the Senator to leave a message, but he also understood that he was more than likely being contacted due to dire circumstances. Yet there was something deep within him, this dread that he had masked with doubt in the pits of his stomach that churned with the knowledge that he did not want to accept.

He pinged the comm device at the lowest volume, careful so the woman could not hear. And the holographic figure appeared before him.

✦✦✦

On the other hand, the woman remained in the hut above the ground, going about her chores and writing her thoughts in her journals that continued to pile up in the corner of her bedroom. Using spare supplies and materials, she hand-sewed new dresses and knit blankets in her spare time, but more importantly she has been gaining her strength since her injuries. Padmé had always been very strong, and her agility skills had always been unmatched to many of her colleagues. She had undergone years of intensive training and maintaining her strength and skills to be able to do the missions and survive multiple instances of aggressive negotiations…

She started small. While her feet were still recovering, she focused on regaining strength in everything above her legs, her arms, abdomen, back, chest. After being almost sedentary and confined to the hut, along with her depression, she had not realized how much of a toll it took on her body, how much weight and muscle she had unhealthily lost. Knowing she had to see her children again, and they had to see her too. This was her motivation over everything, to see her children again, specifically her daughter.

The first week was difficult, as she was still recovering from her wounds and had to work around her stitches. But she did everything she could: she got out of bed every day, gained strength from her daily exercises, she ate more, she found more reasons to smile. It was not always pretty nor did she always smile either. Obi-Wan’s distance and numbness came as a shock to her, it completely contrasted his Force signature the moment he opened his eyes to her when he was in the midst of his trial. If there was any way to describe him at that moment, she sensed relief, warmth, contentment, yet this underlying sincere passion she could not necessarily put her finger on, as she had not felt that in quite a long time. It felt like something foreign to her, odd yet familiar. The thing about this was that she sensed that he felt as if he did not want anyone other than her to be there with him in the moment he gained consciousness.

As the suns set that evening, he grew colder and colder and had not warmed once the suns rose the next morning. From what she could tell he was still knee-deep in the bleak evening without any stars or moons. But she did not know whether he would find the light or something else would have to bring it to him, and this left her conflicted.

Padmé spent most of her life fixing problems, whether it be with her loved ones or galaxy wide. One of the first things she learned about Obi-Wan upon meeting him when she first saw him was that he could always fix his own problems and he didn’t necessarily need someone to help him. Was he stubborn? Yes. But not in the way most people thought he would be if someone were to describe him in that way…

He was stubborn with _himself_.

Oftentimes, Obi-Wan was extremely hard on himself and holds himself to a very high standard. The Code was his life. And there were plenty of times, according to Qui-Gonn and Anakin, that he would take it a _little_ too seriously. Stars… He even committed to the Jedi Code despite his first love Satine. With this dedication to his ways and the Order, he felt he had to hold himself to that standard since he struggled with wavering and attachments, enough to do the same with Padmé all those years ago.

What if the Code was merely a social construct to be followed and each individual has to find their own _balance_?

Maybe I am speaking too soon… Getting off topic perhaps.

The former Senator used this confusion, frustration, even annoyance as an odd, yet valid motivator, especially when her injuries healed, and she had to regain all that she had lost. She started with short walks just before sunrise, when the temperature was still quite cold, but would arrive back to the hut just as their part of the planet started heating profusely. Over a couple of weeks, she found herself hiking among the rocks, careful not to stray too far away out of the sake of safety and possibly running into a ‘friend.’ She held her blaster with her under her robes on her old belt just in case she actually needed it, just for precautionary purposes.

But she slept in on this day and planned on taking a hike and possibly a light jog in the evening, as the suns were setting.

Standing in the kitchen, she chopped dried fungus, orange and starchy tubers, and spices as she boiled water, preparing yet another stew. Placing the knife on the counter, she glanced in the cupboard and sighed at the low supplies they had, knowing her increase of appetite was a reason why they were running lower than expected. They had gotten used to her lack of appetite and now they only had a week left of supplies, if that. Grabbing some of the last of the salt and some dried peppers, the aroma of the simmering liquid filled the kitchen, causing her stomach to rumble.

She had grown tired of the same taste of the stew and wanted something different for a change, something spicy.

Chopping a narrow dried red and a dark green pepper, she dropped the pieces in the simmering clay pot as the orange glow of the soon to be setting suns shone on her face. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, imagining the desert that is usually dead silent during the day to whistling in the evenings as the growing winds sliver over the rocks and dunes due to the vast temperature change.

She knew she would be out there soon.

Tossing the coals of the stove with a stick, she lowered the temperature to a safe simmer, knowing Obi-Wan would soon smell the dinner and come up the stairs to eat within the next half hour or so. But time was running out, and the woman wanted to get some exercise beyond body weight training, so she made her way to the bedroom and sifted through assorted clothes in the wardrobe to find an embroidered tunic, leggings, boots, and a thick wool poncho she had stitched together with fabric Obi-Wan had brought back over the months, which she also embroidered with blossoms and flowers during her spare time, knowing it reminded her of home.

After getting dressed and concealing her belt under her poncho, she made her way to the refresher to tame her wild curls that had gotten a bit out of hand. Her skills with hair had been a blessing, especially now as she intricately braided both sides of hair around her head, leaving a couple small straggly curls to caress her narrow and chiseled face as she clasped the rest of her curls with metal holders and braided the rest of her hair at the ends.

Upon leaving the refresher in a haste, she quickly glanced out the small kitchen window from the living area and the light was a perfect shade of orange, leaving her with enough time to hike a few kilometers before returning back. She scrounged a ripped spare piece of paper from a journal and quickly inked Obi-Wan a note.

_Going on a little hike in the area, I won’t be far, nor will I get into any trouble._

_If I do, you should know that I am always on top of things._

_-Padmé_

She smirked at the small reference she made before leaving the paper on the kitchen table and making her way out of the hut.

Upon leaving she noted that the whistles of the wind were faint, knowing they would grow louder as time passed. She went on her usual route, jumping across a small gape in the rocks before she would trek through them. Today was a good day, her feet were a bit sore, but her legs were not nearly as tired as she expected them to be. Maybe it was because she spent a significant chunk of her day on her feet, or maybe it was because she was getting more acquainted with the landscape. Whatever it was, she felt content, at peace with her heart and surroundings.

She found herself enthralled with the rusty rocks around her, the faint aromas of salt, iron, dust as the last heat of the day made some sweat trickle down her brow. With each step, she felt this intimate connection with the earth beneath her, the crunch of the ground, the rough and jagged feeling of rocks beneath the soles of her feet, the exhilaration of taking yet another step forward, into the unknown amongst the landscape that relentlessly fascinated her, even more so because this time she was not in the shadows of the cliffs of the rising suns.

The last sunlights illuminated them, making the reddish, bronze rocks glow in a stunning and captivating orange that she found herself turning around to just look at them in awe. For this lifeless, barren, and what looked to be an abandoned planet had borne so much breathtaking beauty. The winds took her breath, too, as the rocks around her cracked from the temperature change, echoing off of each other and on the endless sea of dunes in front of her. On the horizon was an ocean of sand, albeit different than the sand she sees from the hut, and there was a traveling lump under the dunes, which she assumed was a Krayt dragon on the hunt. But it was far enough away for her to just observe, to soak in the descending lights of the suns and inhale the foreign landscape around her, but there was also something else beyond the awe of the planet that was preparing to sleep, it was almost as if she felt as if she had always been here, an energy flowing through her that assured her that this was home.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she turned and kept going, climbing rocks and basking in the surroundings around her like she would lay in a hot bath full of flower petals. In doing this, she listened to the air entering and leaving her lungs, the roughness of the rocks under her palms, the sound of her feet on the rocks, so much so that she became lost with herself and time.

The muscles in her legs had begun to burn and her breaths had grown harsh, yet she continued to push through as she thought about the instances in which she had been hurt the most, all the pain, all the sorrow, all the loss, everything that had led her to this moment. And without even realizing it she had drifted into why she was here, so deep in wonder, that unbeknownst to her, she was actually meditating with the Living Force. There were so many unanswered questions, along with an overwhelming wave of what seemed like endless anxiety that she somehow cast aside as she continued to trek far beyond the bounds of where she was supposed to turn around to arrive home before dark.

And the yellow-orange suns had transitioned into their well-known colors, a very light pink and a burning bright red, and the blue sky had transformed into a gradient painting, the canvas filled with blues, reds, oranges, purples, yellows, the very high clouds of ice resembling a light pink of blossoms that would grow on the walls of the stone buildings in Theed. The winds howled relentlessly, not in rage, more as if the air and the rocks were bidding the vibrant and oppressive suns a farewell until they returned the next morning, for they needed their rest too.

The woman had no idea how long she had been trekking until she snapped out of her thoughts, her connection to find a familiar star in the distance, the Chommell sector, for which she realized she had gone too far and needed to turn back.

But before she could gasp form her realization, a raspy roar, a masked and covered sentient-being raising their arms with their gun over their head as the rest behind him followed suit. Tusken Raiders are indigenous to Tatooine, and they are extremely hostile to those who have colonized their planet. The woman found herself not overwhelmed by fear, nor anger, nor the defensive, but guilt and a need to build a bridge for peace.

She raised her bare hands, her face completely neutral as they surrounded her, the group shocked that she did not resort to violence or self-defense. It was something they had never really seen from a colonizer before.

It struck them as an overwhelming surprise.

There were things they did not know about her, things that she wanted them to know.

_Guide you, the Force will._ A voice soothed her, and she took a deep breath as the figures neared, closer and closer as the sky grew darker and darker.

With one last glance, she found her home star.

And she let them take her.

✦✦✦

Obi-Wan rose from his cave, smelling the too familiar stew, but something was a bit different about it this time. Unexpectedly, she was not in the kitchen filling the bowls, nor the table stitching something new, writing in the room or ‘secretly’ doing exercises. Ironically, Kenobi was far too concerned about her whereabouts to actually realize that she left a note for him on the table. He suddenly felt his heart skip a beat and bolted up the clay stairs up to the escarpment to find she was not there either, then to the front door to realize that the speeder was still there, but there was also no trace of her, only that the two suns were glowing red and white and the stars were starting to shine, and the moons were rising.

Almost panicking, he ran back inside to grab his robe until he finally noticed the lonely piece of parchment resting on the empty table with a lovely fountain pen, the classical designs resembling that of the capital city of Theed on Naboo.

Taking a deep breath, he grasped the paper that was filled with her handwriting and quickly read the contents.

He chuckled at her last remark, remembering the clusterfuck of Geonosis and also because of the panic that was overwhelming him, because he knew that if she were to leave later in the afternoon or in the early evening, she would be back by dark. Being out in the darkness on Coruscant and Tatooine are two totally different things, and he knew that.

She knew that, too.

He was not supposed to care for her, and he told himself this.

Yet there he was, now going to the cupboard to pour himself a drink and taking a swig from the bottle as if it would wash all of his feelings and concerns away.

Sighing, he scooped a couple ladles of stew in a clay bowl, the aroma having more of a kick to it than the usual. Opening the cupboard, he also noted that they did not have much left, especially since she as eating more again and it showed in her figure, as she was no longer frail.

But was she strong enough to be out in the desert in the night?

The man took a big sip from his glass, shaking his head before taking the bowl to the table. What he thought was absolute nonsense and he knew this very well, because even if she was not in the shape like she was in during the peak of the Clone Wars, the woman was incredibly intelligent and a fantastic problem solver and negotiator. If she could survive more near-death experiences than he could count with his two hands – Gods, she’s saved _his_ life on multiple accounts – he knew deep down that she would be fine.

Inevitably, this did not stop him from worrying. He sulked in his stew from both his anxiety over the woman and the words he had heard just recently. Upon talking with them over his handheld comm device, he had sat completely still for hours and in complete silence, shocked over the news he did not want to hear. Obi-Wan knew within his soul that he had been aware of this all along, but like Anakin turning to the Dark Side, he did not want to believe it.

Even hiding on Tatooine could not completely isolate him from the galaxy completely, just like he could not isolate himself from her, even as much as he wanted to.

The man was also deep in thought that he took a bite of stew, the spiciness snagging him back to his reality as his cheeks burned a deep red. Instinctively, his hand found the nearest glass of liquid and chugged it without realizing that it was pure liquor and not water or steeped tea. He had been repressing his heart so much, his mouth and throat were physically on fire, and he found himself cursing, “Blast!”

But the reality of it all was that he found himself laughing in silence, and he was all alone. He closed his eyes as tears started to fill them, not from sorrow but the laughter and alcohol filling his stomach as he leaned into the back of the chair. Obi-Wan finally simmered down, the smell of dinner bringing him back to his senses. When he leaned forward and opened his eyes, he saw a figure smirking and sitting in front of him in the empty chair, his head barely peeping over the table.

A laugh erupted, and it was not Obi-Wan’s.

“M- Master Yoda!”

Very unexpectedly, the small sentient being waddled back and forth in his laughter, a side of the small, green Jedi Master that he had never seen before. Before he knew it, the Jedi plopped himself on the table in front of him, sitting crossed legged and his eyes open wider than the largest sun in the galaxy. After all the years of witnessing the renowned Jedi’s poised and wise demeanor, this came as a bit of a shock to Obi-Wan. A smile never left the green Master’s face as he observed Obi-Wan very carefully, making Kenobi’s skin crawl under his robes.

“Hmm…” Yoda raised the pitch of his voice and lowered it with his hum, similar to what he also did with Luke Skywalker almost two decades later.

“Master Yoda, you’re more… chipper than I remember.” Obi-Wan slightly bowed to him, still debating whether he, himself, was delusional or not.

“Stopped caring about controlling outcomes and leaving it up to the Force I have, Obi-Wan.” He replied a very matter-of-factly, his wisdom and whimsicalness immensely confusing Kenobi.

The man with greying copper hair did a double take, rubbing his eyes with his fists to see darkness, only to open them, the figure still sitting on the table in front of him even through his blurry vision that grew clearer with each second. No, he was not dreaming. But how the hell did Yoda get here? Is he still alive? Is he physically here or through another means? Why _is_ he here?

So many questions rambled through the anxious Jedi’s mind, like a pod race, each thought zooming past him hundreds of kilometers per hour and they were obnoxiously loud, just like the engines.

“What brings you here, Master?” He asked with curiosity, the steam from the stew wafting across his face and beard.

Yoda looked down; any sense of humor gone from his face. Obi-Wan could tell Yoda was quite amused with shocking, possibly scaring him as he went about his evening routine. He was not enough with Yoda to see his humor during their time on Coruscant, it was refreshing albeit still very surprising.

“Avoiding me and Qui-Gon you have been, Obi-Wan…” The Master coddled his wooden staff like it was his child, brushing the wood with his claws. He was referring to Obi-Wan avoiding mediation over the past few weeks.

The human took a deep breath, knowing he had been caught red-handed. “I admit that I have done that, Master. It is my doing, but things have been rather… complicated.”

“Continue training we discussed we must, Obi-Wan. Hmm…” Yoda continued as he hummed deep into his thoughts, “Complicated it is to discern your past and future. Yes, yes… Balance you must understand, embrace your emotions you must.”

“But Master, that is against the Jedi Code!”

Obi-Wan’s statement caused Yoda to laugh almost hysterically, leaving the human to watch him uncomfortably, not knowing what to think, “Stubborn you always have been, Obi-Wan… Not with Code, but with your heart…”

Kenobi gulped an uncomfortable lump before responding carefully, “I made a commitment to the Order, Master.”

Yoda nodded his head with a smirk, “No longer exists the Order does… Blinded by the Code we all were, clouded, deceived…”

“What are you saying?” He asked him, confused by his comment.

“Already know this you do, Obi-Wan…” Yoda nodded his head up and down, his eyes narrowing in concentration. “Ready for this training you are, to be one with the Force, to understand balance.”

“But it contradicts the Code, Master…” Obi-Wan reasoned with him, still conflicted with himself.

Yoda proceeded to chuckle once more, leaping from the table to the loveseat in front of the unlit fireplace, for which the human stood and ignited it with his saber, allowing the small hut to illuminate with the lights of the flames. Yoda glowed with a faint yellow tint as he closed his eyes, as if he was meditating.

“Like these words you will not, but attached to the Code you are Obi-Wan, understand this you must before truly understanding balance. Help with you this Padmé Amidala will…”

Obi-Wan release a very apparent sigh as he sat next to the Master who was nearly hypnotized by the flames, wondering what he could say. He could neither claim or deny this aloud, well, he could confirm this internally, but he did not necessarily need to confess anything, because Yoda already knew whether he wanted him to know or not.

“Strong with the Force she is…” Yoda added to his own words over the crackling of the fire.

This statement wiped the dust off of Obi-Wan’s hidden curiosity over this, her being strong with the Force.

“How can this be, Master? If she was particularly strong with the Force, we would have taken her with us when she was a girl, would we have not?”

Yoda smiled, baring his teeth, something that almost scared Obi-Wan. The small, green sentient being had never revealed this side of him to others really, except for the Wookiees, but who wouldn’t?

“Answer this I cannot. Patience, young one…”

“I don’t understand, Master. This never has really happened before. The only theory I had was she was strong with the Force when she was pregnant with her children – both are strong with the Force – so I assumed this was the case, but it seems that she has grown stronger since their births, which does not make a lot of sense to me…”

Yoda’s smirk quickly dissipated into dust. “Like her, I sense a great fear in you, Obi-Wan… Dangerous this is…”

Obi-Wan stared into the fire, “What if they take her like they are finding and taking other Force sensitive beings, Master? What if that is the reason she is still gone? They are recruiting those who are connected to the Force to form some sort of army and those who refuse are…”

Bail Organa’s concern echoed in his head, this academy, this birth of an army trained in the ways of the Dark Side is…

“Unimaginable… this is. Sensed it I have. Unfortunate it is but trust the Force I do.” Yoda prodded with his wooded staff unknowingly as he dazed himself into the flames and the crackles of the embers. “Burning the galaxy is, like an enormous wildfire. Not ours this fire is. Patience we must have, as our fire is yet to be ignited. Fear, anger, suffering their fire is fueled by…” The wise Master trailed off into the depths of his thoughts, pondering on the bits and pieces that have come to him upon meditating upon hours and hours.

“… but our fire must be fueled by something else, right Master?” Obi-Wan glanced at what seemed to be a now exhausted Master.

“Indeed.” He nodded his head, leaving them in an ethereal silence consisting of the embers and dancing flames, the shadows gallivanting off their faces, lines darkened after years of stress over the War, the battle between darkness and light, a battle that is not theirs. “Been in this state too long I have…”

“What do you mean, Master?” Obi-Wan asked before realizing where he would be… “Are you somewhere else?”

The green friend turned at him and sincerely smiled, “More training you must undergo to be one with the Force, to go places beyond your grasps, more powerful than Darth Vader could possibly imagine.”

Yoda lightly chortled again.

“Strong the Force is with you and Padmé Amidala, sure this is I am, and your Master is… Return from her adventure she will. Safe she is.”

The small Master stood and hopped from the seat, looking back up at Obi-Wan as his pointy ears moved enthusiastically on the side of his head. “May the Force be with you, young one.”

“May the Force be with you, Master… always…” Obi-Wan responded with a sight bow of his head as Yoda reciprocated, both of his hands clenching the top of his staff before he turned toward the door and behind the couch.

Obi-Wan had expected the front door to slide open after a few seconds, but it did not. Standing in confusion he noticed that there was no one else in the little hut but him and the stew that had got cold, a fire in the fireplace, and a fire that was ready to be ignited.

It was like Master Yoda had never been there.

✦✦✦

Upon returning to his body, Yoda snapped awake, his body drained of energy as the rushing sound of the rains of the rainforest covered planet filled the moist and musty air, with the occasional call of a bird or a hidden creature. Looking out, he saw that his fire in his even smaller hut had died, and a slivering creature was on the hearth.

Taking a deep breath, he mustered all of his energy to stand carefully and slowly as this growing skill he had learned from Qui-Gon was still quite new and strenuous for him, one of the best Jedi to have ever lived. Standing with a grunt, he placed all of his weight on his wooden staff and slowly walked to the fireplace and a cauldron.

Upon igniting it, Obi-Wan’s words and his confusing, yet jumbled emotions, still struck him. His head was still in the clouds and there was still much for him to learn and understand, a fire yet to be lit.

Kenobi’s concern for Padmé had been quite noteworthy, for Yoda had just spoken to her – although it was only one sentence.

But then he remembered speaking with her in the hospital wing on Polis Massa after her staged funeral ceremony planned by Yoda, Bail Organa, Obi-Wan, and Mon Mothma took place, where Bail had taken Leia back to his home planet of Alderaan, where Obi-Wan had left to deliver Luke to the Lars Homestead on Tatooine, where he felt Darth Vader’s rage over his wife’s supposed death, where the woman was all left alone.

With almost nothing left.

He remembered it like was yesterday…

✦✦✦

“Sense the hate in your heart toward Master Kenobi I do… Even after birthing the twins, strong with the Force you are.” He nodded his head and lifted his eyebrows at her. She had never seen such a respected and professional figure so nonchalant before, it was quite refreshing. But she was also a bit stunned that he could sense her distaste towards Obi-Wan, “Plans, good plans the Force has. Sensed it I have, yes…”

Padmé did not know what this meant, nor did she have the time to protest the plan, and there were too many questions left unanswered while he also risen the opportunity to leave new ones. But Master Yoda knew she no longer hated Obi-Wan. In fact, she had grown to care for him deeply. Padmé knew of this too. There had been quite a lot of growth in about ten months or so, although it had been a slow and grueling process.

But there still was not a lot of time, and it was running out… fast.

There was one thing she wished to know before her eyes and consciousness would betray her.

“Master Jedi,” she drifted as she leaned her head into the pillow, the fatigue fighting her desire to continue the conversation.

“Not much time do we have, yes. Tired you are, sweet friend.” Yoda responded as he tilted his head with a light smile on his face, his ears flopping on the side of his head.

Her face suddenly turned serious, it was almost as if she was a politician raising her plea in the Senate in front of millions of sentients, “How am I still alive when I felt it being drained out of me?”

✦✦✦

The Force works in vastly mysterious ways….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Hi, everyone. This chapter and the next few-several chapters of a sub-arc are dedicated to my friend as a Christmas present... They know who they are! I was going to wait to post this, but I want to thank you all for over 5000 hits and 175 kudos. I am honestly in disbelief! Thank you all so much! Obidala is not a popular ship at all, so I am so pleasantly surprised and thankful for all the support. I wanted to write a few chapters before posting so I could spread out updates since I start work again this week, but I could not wait and wanted to celebrate 5000.
> 
> Shout out to 5wans_kenobe, PsychoDecoy, and Kelsey for commenting on the last chapter. Y’all rock!


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